


Hit The Fan

by that_one_urchin



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, College AU, Coming of Age, Divorce, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, High School AU, Roommates, Wynonna is older than Nicole, coffee shop AU, smut later, wayhaught brotp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-06-08 05:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 66,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15236346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_urchin/pseuds/that_one_urchin
Summary: Nicole Haught has known both Waverly and Wynonna since she was five and couldn’t do much but color. Now, in her mid-twenties, it seems all she can do is crush on Wynonna... but she still does like to color.





	1. Gummy Bears

**Author's Note:**

> This is unedited so sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. Also, this is gonna be long and slow burn af, be ready y’all

New York City has been especially tough on Nicole since the move. It’s a big change from Purgatory, if only for the fact that Purgatory had one of basically everything (one bar, one elementary school, one movie theater that runs movies from ten years ago) and NYC has an excessive amount of people and things inside of it. It makes Nicole feel smaller than usual but she knows it would be easier if she had come here with parents instead of a silent stuffed bear from her dad. 

It was only a month ago that Nicole’s parents arguments hit a new low and their marriage counselor recommended that they send their four year old away to give them a chance to work out their problems. Her uncle Nedley was quick to step in and offer to let Nicole live in his apartment, which she was okay with. They hadn’t spent much time together before but whenever he visited he brought her brightly colored candies and as her mother had said, Nicole’s trip to New York was going to be brief. 

So Nicole had tried to be a grown-up about the whole thing. She hadn’t started kindergarten yet so she had no friends to miss anyways, and she hoped whenever she came home her parents would’ve already stopped screaming at each other in the night. 

Her parents drove her to the airport, both explaining that Nedley would meet her after her flight and not directly talking to each other. Nicole nodded along and let them lead her through the process. Before they parted ways Nicole’s mother bent to one knee and hugged her tightly, while her father ruffled her hair then put a rosy-colored teddy bear in her hands. 

“We’ll see you later, red.” He had said with a wink. Then Nicole was alone. Well, alone for five hours on her flight.

As promised Nedley met her in a big city airport. He looked silly. A round, middle-aged man awkwardly standing there with a sparkly sign that had her name on it and a small grin on his face. Nicole really wanted to get him in a red suit and see how many kids come up to him, assuming he’s Santa Claus. 

When she saw him Nedley roughly patted her on the back a few times and told her it would be okay. Nicole wasn’t sure what exactly was wrong, but she nodded and let him pat her anyways. They took a taxi to Nedley’s apartment and Nicole looked out the window the whole time. 

New York was so big and bright. Everywhere she looked there were skyscrapers, smoke, and people. She couldn’t find a single patch of grass but she noticed some snow and pictures of fields on the monitors attached to buildings. Why were there so many advertisements for things? Why was that lady in the black hat green and why was there a musical about her? She’d have to get Nedley to see something on Broadway, all the movies mentioned it being a mandatory NYC experience. 

Nedley’s apartment is small because it was only meant for him. He used to have a house in California but since his wife had died before Nicole was born, he moved into the city. So unfortunately Nicole’s bedroom was actually Nedley’s closet a day ago. It was pretty large and empty for a closet but small and lonely for a bedroom. They would make it work or at least they’d have to try. 

Despite the lack of space in her room, Nicole likes the apartment. The few windows in it face the city so she can see everything going on. Nedley’s room is decorated as if he lives in the Wild West, the kitchen and bathroom are painted her favorite shade of blue, and the living room has a PlayStation that he promises to buy her games for. She can definitely get past the state of her bedroom if she’s distracted by video games. 

That first night Nicole puts up two things in her room: the teddy bear and a fluffy pillow from home. Nedley orders a large pizza for the both of them and eats half of it while introducing Nicole to an old action movie he likes, that quickly becomes Nicole’s favorite. The girl in it - the one who has little to no lines except for proclaiming her love to the cowboy and is captured three times in total throughout the movie - is blonde, and pretty in a way that makes Nicole want to rewind the scenes she’s in.

At eight Nicole climbs onto the mattress in her room and spends the next hour trying to fall asleep. It’s cold yet it’s okay, Nedley promised to buy blankets and sheets the next day. Eventually she drifts off, thinking of the city and the western girl and clinging to her bear. 

—-

The last year of her life has been, as Nedley would tell her mother over the phone, a whole load of horse crap. Nicole assumes that means it’s been bad, which would be accurate. She thought she would’ve been back in Purgatory months ago, but here she is starting kindergarten in the city and listening to Nedley play his banjo every night. 

She misses her parents. They call too little and when they do the calls are always short, often under ten minutes. They’ve never even visited. Nicole spends most of her time with a forty year old, which is weird for a kid to do. It’s not as if she has anyone to talk to, the other children in her class have branded her a nerd due to her love of books. As much as she’s tried to hide and not be bullied, it’s kind of impossible with how tall she is. 

Whatever. Whenever her fingers ache with the need to hit something, Nicole takes her anger out on one of the zombies in her video games. She needs to get good with the gun stuff if she’s going to grow up and be a cop like Nedley. 

She also needs to have thick skin - another phrase of Nedley’s - if she wants to get through school. At this point barely anyone will talk to her unless they’re insulting her and it hasn’t helped that Nicole almost starts crying every time she’s separated from her little bear. Everything is terrible for her and Nicole is sure things will stay that way, she just listens to her father over the phone who tells her to keep her chin up before leaving her again. 

Then Waverly Earp happens. 

Nicole is sitting in the station and quietly working on her homework one Monday afternoon, trying to stay inside the lines as she colors in the legs of a clown. Her bear is tucked comfortably under her left arm and she squeezes it a little tighter when Waverly walks in. 

She recognizes Waverly from her class and immediately thinks that she’s about to get bullied. Nicole is overcome with nerves, not only because she’ll probably get insulted soon, but because Waverly is pretty. Not movie girl pretty but pretty enough to make Nicole want to hide in a ditch so she has no chance of embarrassing herself in front of Waverly. 

Waverly is followed in by two people, a deputy and a slightly taller brunette who looks annoyed while Waverly just seems assumed. Nicole watches silently as the deputy pushes the brunette into a chair and then glances away when Waverly makes eye contact with her then starts walking her way. 

“Stay in this seat, Earp.” The deputy says, then leaves all three of them alone in the waiting room. 

Nicole hides herself behind her coloring book and watches her hands start to shake as her classmate approaches her. She realizes Nedley is all the way in his office and won’t be there to save her when Waverly inevitably does something cruel. 

“Hi! I’m Waverly. Your hair is so red, it’s pretty. Is that the homework you’re working on? I colored my clown green but I like yours better. Did I mention my last name is Earp? Weird, right?” Waverly only stops talking to breath. 

What is Nicole supposed to make of that? She’s been asked about three questions in ten seconds and the other girl is smiling at her like she’s never said a rude word about anybody in her life. Waverly looks so genuinely kind Nicole feels stupid for thinking that the girl was going to hurt her. Eventually she decodes everything Waverly said and smiles back at her, but keeps herself tense incase mean laughter or a punch is coming anytime soon. 

“Not as weird as my last name. I’m Nicole Haught. Thanks about my hair and the clown.” Nice leans over to show Waverly her coloring more properly. 

“Wow that’s nice. I like your name too, you must get really warm.” She comments.

Nicole just blinks at her. That response is much different from what some of the boys in her class had said about her. Waverly doesn’t appear to be joking either. 

Waverly has her backpack on her so she opens it and takes out her own green clown, then the two swap drawings and inspect each other’s. According to Waverly, she’s never seen Nicole in class before. Which is good, she’s finally found someone who doesn’t know right off the bat that she’s a nerd. So Nicole relaxes as they talk. They talk about their teacher, a new movie Waverly claims they have to see together, and when Nicole offers her half of her peanut butter sandwich Waverly announces that they are now best friends for life. 

Her heart feels as if it’s been shot out of a cannon. She’ll have to call home and tell her parents about this encounter, and if they don’t listen she’ll tell Nedley. 

“So, why are you in a police station?” Waverly eventually asks. 

“I’m Officer Nedley’s niece, I’m just waiting for him to be done so we can go home. Why are you here?” 

“My sister, Wynonna, hopped into some guy’s taxi and tried to drive us to go get gummy bears. I usually have to stay here for a little while until Nedley comes out and says he’s disappointed before letting us go. She’s over there.” She points at the brunette who’d entered with her.

Nicole looks across the room at where Waverly had gestured. An older girl is sitting in front of Nedley’s office with a magazine, a pair of handcuffs fitting loosely around one of her thin wrists. Nicole can kind of see the resemblance between her and Waverly, but also how they seem completely different. This Wynonna girl is slouched over in her seat, smirking at nothing in particular, and wearing an oversized leather jacket with the ends of her sleeves folden to fit better. She looks much too calm for someone who’s cuffed to a chair. 

She’s also silent and Waverly is… not. 

Nedley comes out a few minutes later, interrupting Waverly’s endless rating of shows she’s watched, and does exactly what she’d said he’d do. He stares at Wynonna for a short moment while she folds the magazine in her lap, then he makes her tell him what she did (how did this girl even steal a taxi cab) and says he’s disappointed. Wynonna doesn’t seem to care, especially because he lets her out of the cuffs and flicks her shoulder right after the scolding. 

Wynonna comes along with Nedley to stand by the two girls who both start packing up their things now that they’re free to leave. 

“Let me get my coat then we can go, Nicky.” Nedley says. Nicole scowls at the nickname - she hates it more when spoken in front of Waverly - but nods anyways. 

Once he’s gone all hell breaks loose between the sisters. Waverly promptly smacks Wynonna in the arm and she punches her shoulder in return. They both start talking over each other, Waverly going on about how their parents are going to kill them and Wynonna saying that it was funny and they can blame it on Willa - whoever that is. Sometime between Waverly calling her older sister an idiot and Wynonna exclaiming that it was worth it for candy, they both seem to realize that Nicole is there. 

“Who’s the redhead?” Wynonna questions, raising an eyebrow. Nicole sinks in her seat and lets Waverly answer the question for her. 

“This is Nicole Haught and she’s actually my best-“ 

“Oh my god, did you just say her name is Haught? I have so many jokes. Starting with one about what her future career is going to be, I hope this kid isn’t afraid of poles.” Wynonna says. 

Nicole isn’t sure what poles and her last name have to do with anything, but Wynonna speaks in the same sort of tone that the bullies at school do and she doesn’t like it at all. She’s sure Wynonna is insulting her somehow and it stings. The only difference is this feeling comes to her, close to the wanting to punch someone feeling, that makes her long to be cool enough to insult Wynonna back. For now though, Nicole just sits back up in her chair and glares as well as she can. 

“It’s actually spelled H-A-U-G-H-T.” She interrupts Wynonna. Nicole is glad that she’s learned how to spell her name after a year of explaining it to bullies. 

“Sorry.” Waverly whispers to Nicole. “Nonna is eleven now so she thinks it’s okay to be a jerk.” 

Wynonna presses a hand to her chest and gasps, acting as if she’s offended by this comment. 

“I’m not rude. I like the little Haughty over here, she seems like she doesn’t have a stick in her ass - unlike you, Waves.” 

Once she’s done speaking she winks at her and runs that hand through her brown hair. Nicole notes that it’s long and pretty, which is unfair. Mean people shouldn’t get to be pretty. 

When Nedley comes back out with his coat, Nicole’s in the middle of trying to get the redness to drain from her face and simultaneously hide the fact that Wynonna’s wink made her blush. It’s good she doesn’t have to stay any longer because this whole conversation with Waverly’s older sister has been very embarrassing for her. She happily puts her bag on her shoulder and jumps into Nedley’s waiting arms when he approaches. 

The Earp sisters move to leave but Waverly runs over to Nicole and gives her a brief hug before that can happen. Nedley just stands there, surprised Nicole has a friend and that her friend is related to Wynonna of all people.

“Bye Nicole. I’ll see you at school.” Waverly says, then runs back to Wynonna who puts an arm around her. 

“See you around, Haught.” Wynonna calls, giving another wink. 

As the two girls leave Waverly waves goodbye and Wynonna pulls something out of her pocket and throws it at Nicole. It hits her so hard in the chest Nedley grumbles in disapproval from hearing the sound of it, but she catches it anyways. Nicole looks down at what’s in her hands and sees a large pack of gummy bears. 

—-

Nedley is unsure of letting Nicole out with anyone from the Earp family. He knows Waverly is not anything like Wynonna but she’s still an Earp and carries a reputation. The only reason he allows them to hang out is because Waverly seems to be Nicole’s only friend and Nicole’s smile is wider than ever after school now. 

Going to the movies unsupervised is a little far though, but Nicole begs. She brings up that Wynonna will be there to watch them and when that doesn’t help her case Nicole mentions Willa, but that doesn’t make Nedley feel better about it either. Willa has this weird silent thing going onto her like she’s secretly stealing things or off committing murders in her free time. 

Despite all this, when Nedley opens the door Friday night to see all three Earp sisters standing there he isn’t surprised. He’s about to back out and say no, especially with how Wynonna is smirking at him, but the second Waverly sees Nicole she launches herself at his niece. Nicole looks happier than she ever has in this city and his heart wrenches, knowing he’ll have to let her go. 

“If anything happens to her we’ll keep you in handcuffs, Earp.” Nedley says, addressing Wynonna. He calls the rest of them by their first names. 

Wynonna nods but she seriously doubts his threat. She’s only eleven, the worst they can do is juvy and even then she thinks they’ll go easy on a cute kid like her. 

Still, at Nedley’s warning Wynonna reaches out and pulls Nicole away from Waverly and into her arms. She hugs the younger girl and squeezes her shoulders tightly. Nicole feels warm all over and can’t help but notice that Wynonna smells faintly of smoke and expensive grown-up perfume. It’s kind of suffocating but nice in a way, like Wynonna could protect her from anything if she wanted to.

“No worries, I’ll hold Haught tight if any… hooligans try to grab her.” Wynonna promises. Nicole resists the odd urge to wrap her arms around her waist. 

“It’s Nicole.” Waverly comments, rolling her eyes at her sister’s behavior.

“A hooligan already is grabbing her. Be home by ten.” With that, Nedley throws an extra coat over Nicole’s shoulders and glares at Wynonna a hundredth time before letting them leave. 

Surprisingly, Wynonna doesn’t let Nicole go the entire walk to the movie theater. She’s actually kind of protective over all of the girls, excluding Willa. Wynonna pulls and moves them away from anyone passing who might bump into them and pushes them along faster when someone eyed them in a less than friendly way. 

Willa says nothing the whole time. She’s three years older than Wynonna, which makes her fourteen and kind of an asshole. According to Waverly, Willa is going to some fancy boarding school in San Francisco so she doesn’t have to be at home with them anymore. Waverly doesn’t seem all that beaten up about it, their age difference makes it hard to bond anyways. 

When they get to the theater Wynonna walks up to the boy behind the counter and asks for four tickets to Killer Man 3, a movie with a trailer that Nedley won’t let her watch. 

“No, Wynonna! That movie is scary we’re not seeing it. We’re seeing the one with the princesses.” Waverly tugs at her older sister’s sleeve. 

“Are any of you old enough to see this?” The employee asks just as Willa speaks her first words of the night, which are: shut up Waverly no one asked you. 

Waverly recoils immediately, looking smaller than Nicole’s ever thought possible. She crosses her arms over her chest and tears grow in her eyes but Waverly keeps her head down to the floor, hiding them from her sisters. Nicole hates Willa more than anything and is suddenly thinking about actually hitting her now. Wynonna must feel the same when because she actually does smack Willa on the back of the head. 

The two girls argue and Waverly clings to Nicole, who’s used to hearing fighting. The employee looks about ready to kick them out when Wynonna turns and starts speaking to him.

“Our dad is waiting for us inside. He’s this many.” Wynonna’s voice gets more high pitched and she flashes all of her fingers three times at the guy to signify the number thirty. 

Nicole stares at Wynonna, who’s actually acting like a child for once. The employee sighs after a while and shrugs, calling her a cute kid before giving them four tickets and telling them all to go find their dad. Nicole is both surprised they were let in and shocked Wynonna didn’t kill Willa. 

By the time they get inside Wynonna has her arm around both Nicole and Waverly, though it’s hard because she’s so small for her age. They go to the counter and each of them get snacks - Willa has a Diet Coke (Wynonna calls her pretentious and then chubby), Nicole and Waverly get a ton of candy, and Wynonna gets a large tub of popcorn. Willa pays for everything, another shocker. 

Much to her delight Nicole gets to sit between Wynonna and Waverly, but she’s half sure that’s only because Wynonna wants to keep Willa as far away from Waverly as possible. 

The movie definitely isn’t the princess film they were going to see, Nicole knows this because they play adult trailers. People take off their shirts in these trailers and Wynonna doesn’t even bother to cover their eyes. Her face burns every time a girl removes even a small item of clothing and she feels more uncomfortable when some Russian superhero runs across the screen in a tight black suit. She’s not sure why her face is burning, so she busies herself with her candy. 

“Wynonna, you know Nedley’s going to kill you if he finds out about this. What if Nicole gets scared?” Waverly asks, having stopped crying ten minutes ago. 

Wynonna opens her mouth to respond but Nicole cuts in - you know, like an idiot. 

“I won’t get scared.” She proclaims and then wishes she hadn’t. Now if she actually gets scared she’ll look like a liar and a wimp, then none of them will want to be friends with her. 

“I’ll do the Waverly Protection Hug-“ 

“Stop calling it that, you jerk.” Waverly mutters.

“- to make sure she won’t get scared.” 

Before Nicole can ask what the Waverly Protection Hug is, Wynonna pushes the armrest between them up and puts her popcorn by her feet. Then she lifts Nicole half into her lap and wraps her arms around the younger girl’s waist. Nicole glances around in surprise, feeling as if she’s doing something she isn’t supposed to though this is perfectly innocent. 

“See? Haught is protected by my leather jacket and badass-ness.” Wynonna tells Waverly. 

“What badass-ness? You’re afraid of the dark.” Waverly comments, which makes Willa chuckle quietly but stop herself once they all look at her.

Wynonna reaches around Nicole and flicks her younger sister lightly in the shoulder. 

“Don’t say bad words, you ass, it’s impolite.” 

The lights dim and the movie starts playing. Nicole and practically everyone in the theater does get scared - she’s never seen that much blood on screen or off before - but Nicole doesn’t mention it. She simply grips the long sleeves of Wynonna’s jacket at jump scares and squints at the screen when a guy’s head comes off. 

It’s only halfway through the movie that Nicole realizes her bear is left at home and she’s not sobbing about it.


	2. Snakes Shed Their Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole’s birthday is coming in haught. (I’m sorry for this pun, I’m terrible.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again this second chapter is unedited and also a bit shorter than the first one. Remember this is slowww burn, nothing can even happen till Nicole is 18 y’all

It takes Nicole even longer to realize that day at the movie theater she had referred to Nedley’s apartment as home. 

That’s what it starts to become. He does as asked and buys blankets and video games, along with other things. They buy decorations for Nicole’s room - posters, a nightstand, a large bookshelf, desk, and chair - and then later in the school year they get paint because Nicole quietly mentions that the bright yellow walls hurt her eyes. Eventually it starts to look less like a closet and more like a young girl actually lives there. 

It’s not only the change in her room’s appearance that makes the apartment a home, it’s a lot of other things too. Nedley, who she now refers to as Ned, starts going across town to get the soup Nicole loves, learns how to play a few video games, and he begins waking up early to make her breakfast before school. In return, Nicole does chores and her homework, picks up a turkey sub for Nedley every day after school, and throws a blanket over him when he falls asleep on the couch watching television. Things are comfortable between them.

The Earps help too. Well, not all the Earps because Willa is either not there or rude and distant, but Wynonna and Waverly are great. It turns out Waverly never had friends before Nicole either and she’s learning Latin along with English even though she’s five, so they’re nerds together. Wynonna doesn’t make a habit of hanging out with them due to the six year age difference, but every once in a while when Nicole comes over she’ll sit and eat lunch with them. 

Sometimes Wynonna even walks Nicole home. It turns out Wynonna is only protective over two people - Nicole and Waverly. Which is awesome, because the city doesn’t seem so big and scary when she around it with Wynonna right there, talking about how Nicole’s last name is the best.

The calls from her parents become less frequent and it’s rounding on a year of having not seen them at all when Nicole realizes her birthday is coming up.

Nedley has to mention it to her for her to even notice it’s October. He sips his morning coffee and he asks her what she wants for the special occasion and Nicole thinks to ask for a visit with her parents, but instead she just tells him she wants lunch. Which isn’t her fault, she was hungry when he asked. 

Lunch is exactly what Nedley gives her. One chilly Saturday evening they throw on their double layers of coats and walk to a cafe down the block from the apartment. Nedley swears that this one restaurant has the best pie in the galaxy and Nicole believes him, but then again she’s two days away from being six years old and believes everything.

“You can order anything you want.” Nedley says when they sit down. Nicole nods and reads the menu. 

Their first grade teacher taught them how to read back in September, so Nicole’s new obsession has been to read everything in sight. Which doesn’t help with all the bullying going on. Not to mention Wynonna is twelve and in middle school now, and the middle schoolers go to a whole other building than the kids in elementary. Now there’s no Wynonna to threaten to ‘kick some kindergartener ass’ and then get immediately sent to the principal’s office for such threats. 

“I think I’ll have the triple stack of blueberry waffles with jelly and butter.” Nicole tells him, earning a big grin from the police officer. 

When the waitress comes around Nedley says something very adult about his cholesterol and waistline, and other things that prevent him from the joys of food. Nicole feels bad for him throughout the entire meal but also doesn’t care as much when she has a mouthful of sugary waffles on her tongue. She even gets a second plate while Nedley pokes at his salad. 

They talk a lot about things that won’t matter to either of them by next week. Nicole explains how she likes to read herself, but lately likes it more when Waverly reads to her instead because she speaks as if she were a teacher. (The tone of voice Waverly uses is often referred to as the stick-in-ass voice by Wynonna.) Nedley nods along and makes little comments, probably not dwelling on everything Nicole says too much. 

Either way, it means the world to Nicole. She can’t remember a time a family member of hers has ever listened to her babble this much or taken her out to celebrate her birthday. 

From what she can remember of her last five birthdays, all she got was a cupcake with some candles in it during breakfast. It was always chocolate and Nicole would only take a few bitter bites before offering it to her mother and getting her dad to promise to make it vanilla next time. 

Nicole thinks now when she gets back to Purgatory she’ll ask her parents for blueberry waffles instead. 

“Hey Ned, when am I going back home?” Nicole questions after their meal. 

“We’re going to the store then straight home Nicky.” Nedley replies, again not really thinking about her question at all. 

“I meant Purgatory.” 

She watches Nedley swallow a sip of water uncomfortably, the way all grown ups do when she mentions her parents. 

“Oh.” All other adults say that too. “I don’t know, sweetie.” 

So Nicole drops it. She uses one hand to grab her fork and scrape the last bits of syrup off her plate, then clutches her leg - right where her bear would usually sit on her lap. 

Nicole’s smart enough to understand that she should avoid talking about her parents and the town she used to live in. It’s kind of like when that other boy in her class had a dog that died. No one said much to him about it and if someone did Nicole felt almost as uncomfortable as she did when a girl would catch her staring too long.

It was as if the boy’s dog and her parents were on the same list titled ‘danger zone, go the other way’. And if she was old enough to read that sign now, she should be old enough to know to follow it. 

“What are we getting at the store?” Nicole asks instead, watching Nedley visibly relax. 

“Sodas, a couple movies, and a candy bar if you want it.” He winks at her but it doesn’t come out as smooth as one of Wynonna Earp’s famous, blush causing winks. 

“I definitely want it.” 

They leave right after Nedley pays the check and go through the long process of putting on layer after layer of coats, which Nicole still isn’t used to. The walk is pretty short since the store is between the cafe and the apartment, and when they get there Nicole’s excitement grows to new levels.

This is that store she hasn’t been allowed into before. She always passes it on her way to school and every time she does it looks cool, with its neon purple signs and movie posters on the windows. All she knows about it is that Nedley says they sell adult movies and alcohol there and Waverly has mentioned that Wynonna goes in there every week, which means it has to be cool. 

When Nicole walks in it’s apparent that this store sells just about everything. She sees movies, books, old people music (they’re records according to Nedley), cigarettes, alcohol and other beverages, also the biggest slushy machine ever. There’s even a secret room in the back that’s door is made out of beads. It has three red X’s over it and Nedley pulls Nicole away when she asks about it. 

“We’re just getting the stuff I mentioned. Pick out a candy bar.” He tells her, having the same uncomfortable look as at the table. 

Nicole drops the subject once again. Eventually Nedley leaves her and walks away into the movie aisles for something, so she goes and looks at the candy. It’s not her fault that the candy bars she’s inspecting are all chocolate and the closest to the secret beaded door. 

There has to be something awesome in there. And there is: Wynonna. 

Seconds after Nedley leaves her, Wynonna comes out from behind the beads with two DVDs in her hand. Nicole almost doesn’t realize it’s her. It’s the first time Nicole’s ever seen her without a leather jacket on, and Wynonna appears to be trying to hide herself in a large black hoodie. 

“Wynonna.” Nicole says, getting her attention.

The older girl glances around frantically, her eyes comically wide like the criminals getting caught on Nedley’s cop shows. She even overdramatically presses whatever she’s buying to her back to try and hide it, until her eyes land on Nicole and she sighs. 

“You scared the hell out of me Haught Stuff.” Wynonna breathes. 

“Sorry, not sorry. What are you buying?” She asks. 

When Wynonna doesn’t answer right away Nicole takes several steps closer and tries to see what’s behind her back, but fails since Wynonna keeps turning along with her. In the end they’ve done four full circles together and Nicole huffs before launching on top of Wynonna, trying to climb over her to see what’s in her hands. They’re almost the same height, which a great advantage right now. 

Wynonna catches her eventually though and stuffs the DVDs in her pocket before tickling Nicole into submission. Nicole soon finds herself laughing her head off, getting a half involuntary piggyback ride from Wynonna, and interrupted by a surprised Nedley. 

“Wynonna? What are you doing here alone? You better be paying for those DVDs.” Nedley questions, then glances at his niece who’s quite literally on top of New York’s youngest criminal. 

“I’m twelve now Nedley. Gus says that means I’m an adult that can make my own purchases.” Wynonna explains. 

This makes her seem even cooler in Nicole’s eyes. 

“I hope we can try you as an adult then.” Nedley comments and Wynonna answers with a clearly forced chuckle. 

“Very funny. You won’t arrest me, I’m Nicole’s favorite Earp.” She points out. 

Wynonna lets Nicole hop off her back and the younger girl walks back over to Nedley. He protectively tucks Nicole under his arm and then looks at Wynonna for a long while. She’s still standing in front of the beaded door, her face sort of red, and most of her face hidden by the hood. 

To Nicole, Nedley looks a whole new shade of uncomfortable. Except this time she isn’t sure why. And no one tells her. Nedley simply clears his throat and glances away, leaving Wynonna looking relieved. 

“So as Nicole’s favorite Earp, I assume you’re here buying her a present and not stealing one.” He says.

“Wynonna isn’t a criminal, don’t say things like that.” She isn’t sure what she’s doing exactly, Nicole has never disagreed with Nedley before, but it kind of just falls out of her mouth. 

It makes her feel like Waverly, blurting out things with no control. 

All of Wynonna’s attention goes to Nicole. She turns and raises an eyebrow at her, crossing her arms over her chest. Nicole starts squirming, not because of the way Wynonna is looking at her but because she’s smirking instead of grinning this time and it makes Nicole feel… Well, she doesn’t know exactly but she’d be both thankful and angry if Wynonna stopped looking at her like that.

“Well, shit. I didn’t know your birthday was coming up. When?” Wynonna asks. 

“Language.” 

“Two more days.” 

Nicole and Nedley both respond at the same time, which makes Wynonna laugh a little. 

“Waverly and I will do something for you then.” She reaches out and squeezes Nicole’s shoulder before disappearing into another aisle. 

They go to the cash register where Nedley buys (pretentious) diet sodas and other things he hides from Nicole. It doesn’t matter what he bought that he won’t tell her about, it doesn’t even matter what Wynonna was getting either. 

In the end, Nicole took gummy bears over the chocolate bar - and she would make that pick any day.

—-

In the days leading up to her birthday, Wynonna spends more time with her than usual. So much time that when Wynonna was walking her and Waverly home from school, Waverly hit her older sister and accused her of trying to steal Nicole. At that point Nicole was used to ending their arguments and said that she was tall enough for them both to have her, which seemed to calm Waverly. 

Though, maybe Waverly was right to assume things. It did kind of feel as if Wynonna was trying to hang out with Nicole more. 

“You didn’t have to walk me, you know.” Nicole points out one day on the way to school. 

“I know.” Wynonna says.

It’s the big day, she’s officially six. Which means she’s old enough to take a three minute walk to school in the morning by herself. Waverly isn’t even there with them, according to Wynonna her younger sister has the flu - she’s too sick to go to school, but healthy enough to come to the birthday party later. 

(Which means Waverly is spouting a lot of bullshit. Or at least, that’s what Wynonna says.)

“Look Nicole-“ 

“I like Haught better, actually.” Nicole interrupts her quietly. Wynonna considers this for a moment before slowly nodding. 

“Okay, whatever you want Haught Stuff. I just wanted to thank you for the other day in the store. Saying I wasn’t a criminal, that was cool.” She explains. 

When Wynonna is done talking she looks away and Nicole watches her, trying to figure out what expression is on her face. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s close. It kind of seems as if it’s embarrassment, but that’s pretty much impossible because this is Wynonna Earp. She has nothing to blush over the way Nicole does. 

Despite this, Nicole thinks she can see a bit of red on Wynonna’s cheeks. 

“Well, your welcome I guess.” Nicole shrugs. 

Suddenly she’s six and doesn’t understand things anymore. Wynonna isn’t a criminal, that’s just a fact in Nicole’s mind. Why is it a big deal? Why is she getting a thanks and a walk to school? Why is Wynonna stepping closer to her and holding out her arms? 

Oh. Hug. Right. 

Nicole is tall enough that she can rest her chin on Wynonna’s shoulder when they hug. She has her lunch box in her hand and leather doesn’t feel the best against her skin, but Nicole ignores it all to cling to Wynonna like she’s going to be sucked away at any moment. Hugs are brief though and they both pull away after a few seconds.

Once they let go of each other Nicole waves goodbye and steps away, up the steps and towards the school. The second she does, a boy in a dinosaur shirt who’s also entering the school pushes her so she falls back into Wynonna. She’d almost forgotten no Waverly means the bullying comes back. 

“I don’t care if he’s in first grade, he’s an asshole and you should karate chop him.” Wynonna whispers.

“That’s just Champ. He does that.” Nicole shrugs, again. 

She glances over at Wynonna to see her giving the kid a look that she usually reserves for Willa. If that look could turn into a weapon, Nicole imagines it would be as powerful as one of those old-fashioned guns that kill the bad guys in western movies. Of course Champ doesn’t see the look (he probably would’ve shit his pants if he had) since his head is turned and he’s too busy making fart noises with his buddies. 

Nicole tries to move on like Nedley told her to do and steps away from Wynonna once again, but this time Wynonna pulls her back into her arms and hugs her harder than before. 

“How about I give you an early birthday present, Haught.” She says. 

The leather jacket comes off and for a second Nicole is about to jump on Wynonna and beg her not to attack Champ. She always takes off her jacket before fighting someone. This time, when Wynonna pulls the leather off her body she places it on Nicole’s shoulders instead. 

“Let it protect you when I’m not around.” Wynonna squeezes her shoulder and then walks away from her for the second time that week. 

Nicole stares at the material in awe before pulling it tighter around her and inhaling deeply. She thinks she might like Wynonna more than that western girl- maybe even more than gummy bears.


	3. Guess Who’s Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Halloween nears the only scary thing is Nicole’s daddy issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just expect all of the chapters to be unedited until I go back and edit them once this is finished

“Are you ready?” Waverly asks.

“Yes.” Nicole gives a firm nod.

“Really, super duper mega trooper ready?” 

“Yes.” 

“Yes, what?” 

“Yes I’m super duper mega trooper ready. Now Waverly, can you please just press pla-“ 

“You assholes better not be starting without me.” Wynonna comes into the living room, holding a bowl of popcorn and a tall stack of gummy bear packets. 

The Earp’s apartment is free of adults for the night, so naturally Nicole had come over, Waverly had gotten all talkative, and Wynonna was showing seven year olds a movie they shouldn’t be watching. Tonight’s movie is Twilight (the one with the shirtless tan boy who Wynonna literally purrs at in movie theaters) and then something rated PG right after so Waverly doesn’t get nightmares. 

Nicole takes the snacks from Wynonna before watching her do a flip over the couch and land on the middle cushion. Apparently Wynonna’s been taking gymnastic lessons for the last year and it shows. She’s basically turned into a female Spider-Man that feels the need to flip, leap, or cartwheel instead of walk to places. 

Yet again, Nicole is insanely impressed with something Wynonna does. 

“We get it you’re cool. Stop showing off.” Waverly says, pulling her legs out from under her sister who’d half-landed on her. 

“I’m more than cool, munchkin. I’m a whole bucket load of awesome Earp energy.” Wynonna picks up the remote and turns the TV on. 

She switches over to the movie section and since the disk is already in, trailers start to play. It’s kind of annoying that DVDs come with advertisements to play before the movie and even more annoying that the skip button on the Earp’s remote doesn’t work - thanks to toddler Waverly chewing it to shreds years ago. Still, Wynonna spends the few minutes before the movie rapidly pressing the button over and over. Eventually she gives up and slings both her arms across the back of the couch. 

Wynonna’s fingers touch Nicole’s shoulder and adjust the leather jacket there until it covers more of her neck. Nicole glances at her and when she does Wynonna simply grins and winks back, so she turns back to the TV buries her hands in the seemingly enormous pockets. She’s gotten good at hiding her blush over the years. 

“Nonna, I’m hungry.” Waverly says. 

“Dude, I like just put the movie in. You’re gonna have to starve.” She shrugs, pressing play. 

Waverly takes the opportunity to roll into her lap and use both hands to punch her sister’s stomach, hard. 

“Holy fucking Christ, Waverly, calm down. We can get sandwiches.” 

Nicole giggles as Waverly gives her a high five and yells much too excitedly about sandwiches before Wynonna picks them both up in her arms and carefully carries them to the door. She barely manages to lock up the apartment on the way out without dropping one of them.

The sandwich place is just across from the apartment and too small of a building to have anything but a counter, kitchen, and a single table. It’s mostly empty except for two employees who look startled when all of them enter, as if this wasn’t a restaurant and the Earps plus a small redhead had just randomly broken in. 

“Wynonna Earp has paid me a visit on this blessed day. To what do I owe the honor of her presence?” A dark-skinned boy dramatically greets them - mostly Wynonna - at the counter. 

Nicole glances between the two of them, wondering if their friends. The boy is sure smiling at Wynonna like they’re pals. She’s never met any of Wynonna’s friends before, Nicole likes to imagine her and Waverly are her only ones. 

“Can we just have three turkey subs to go, Dolls?” She puts Waverly and Nicole back down on the ground. 

Waverly almost immediately grabs Nicole and links their arms together. She’s about three inches shorter than Nicole, cries when flies die (Wynonna calls her a wimp), and is scared of hamsters, but Waverly is strong as a bull and has no trouble dragging Nicole away in her death grip. Before they go to sit at the only table in the restaurant, Nicole catches a bit of Wynonna and the boy’s conversation.

“How you doing Earp? Staying sexy?” 

“Sorry Dolls, I’ll have to keep my distance from you. I don’t want an STD for Christmas.”

They sit so close to each other at the table that they’re practically sharing a chair, with half of Waverly in Nicole’s lap. Which isn’t totally uncommon, but it’s kind of weird how Waverly turns and stares at Nicole - left hand clasped tightly over her right, grinning like that creepy cat in Alice in Wonderland. 

“Waves, what are you-“ 

“Champ and I are getting married!” Waverly announces way too loudly, then clamps a hand over her own mouth. She starts again, much slower this time.

“He proposed a few days ago by the swings when you were in the bathroom. I got a ring from him but I ended up eating it that day, so it’s just this now. It used to be nicer.” She slowly shows Nicole her hand. 

“It’s pretty.” That’s the first lie Nicole’s ever told her best friend. 

“I know right! Champ is so cute.” 

All that’s there is a plastic yellow band with a sticky stub where candy usually would be. It’s chewed on, too loose for her finger, and also - gross, it’s Champ. He’s bullied Nicole for years but of course Waverly doesn’t know that. Only Wynonna and maybe Nedley knows that the kids still tease her about her height or chicken legs sometimes. 

“You just can’t tell Nonna. She doesn’t like Champ for some reason.” 

Nicole can name several reasons for not liking him, but she doesn’t voice them. She just promises not to say anything and nods along to all the plans Waverly starts making. Apparently Nicole is going to be the maid of honor and needs to start collecting white flowers to put in her hair. 

Eventually Waverly tires herself out and wanders off to find a bathroom just as Wynonna sits down across from Nicole with three cups of iced water. 

“Where’s Waverly going?” 

“Bathroom.” 

They sit silently while waiting. Wynonna watches the cars pass out the window, sipping water and occasionally making eye contact with Nicole, who’s just staring at her. 

Since she hasn’t turned ten yet she has a free pass to stare without anyone questioning her, so Nicole takes advantage of it.

For a moment, Nicole could picture Wynonna being in a movie. She imagines the music that would play in the background as the camera zooms in on Wynonna’s face. A car would flash it’s headlights through the restaurant’s window just as she’d turn her head. The light would make Wynonna glow, everyone would be able to see how very blue her eyes are and how her dimples appear sometimes even when she isn’t smiling. 

Nicole wonders if this was a movie and Wynonna was the main character if everyone in the theater would feel as she does right now. Warm all over and breathless, but not tired. Almost buzzing with energy actually.

“Hey Haught?” Wynonna asks eventually. 

“Hey Wynonna.” She replies, dragging a finger down the wet side of the cup to make a smiley face. 

“Got any idea what you want to be?”

It’s a very vague question.

“For Halloween or when I get gross and old?” Nicole furrows her eyebrows because both are hard questions, but Wynonna chuckles like she told a joke. Whatever, it’s a nice laugh even if it’s seemingly random.

“Both. For Halloween I think you’d make a great mermaid. Ooh, or a badass demon hunter like in that one show we watched.” Wynonna points her cup at her and grins in excitement, probably already planning a million ideas for the upcoming holiday. 

Sometimes Waverly and her are so similar it scares Nicole, other times it makes her want a sibling. Or parents who visit after two years or at least keep on calling. 

She glances up and Wynonna is staring at her, waiting for an answer about the other part of her question. Definitely not the time to be thinking about her parents.

Drop it, Nicole. 

“I’ve always kind of wanted to be an artist. You know, like draw or paint or something. That must sound really stupid. My dad says it’s stupid and I should get a job in real estate - I don’t know what that is but he says it gives you money which gives food. Wait, can you eat money? Can you eat all papers?” Nicole picks up her napkin and inspects it. They could’ve just eaten a book or something instead of coming for sandwiches. 

“No you can’t eat paper! I swear, Waverly is rubbing off on you.” 

Wynonna reaches out takes the napkin from her before she can put it in her mouth. She tucks the napkin into her jeans pocket and starts silently drinking her water again. It feels agonizing for Nicole, knowing Wynonna is probably thinking about her being a painter right now. 

It’s a stupid fantasy she has anyways.

“I’ve decided. You would be an awesome artist and you can tell your dad that I said so.” Wynonna finishes the last of her water. 

Nicole thanks her quietly and sips her own beverage, trying to cool herself down. She sucks at conversations and there’s nothing to add anyways, the chance for Nicole to tell her dad about Wynonna is far far away if it ever comes at all. 

—-

Turns out Nicole is wrong. 

Her father shows up at the apartment the next morning to announce the divorce. She doesn’t know everything that’s going on, she barely even knows what divorce means but it makes everything change. Nicole’s dad starts sleeping on Nedley’s couch and crying loud enough for her to hear during the night. The apartment suddenly feels so suffocating with three people in it. 

Paul Haught tries his best to be a good father, Nicole knows he’s trying, and yet things are forced between them. He starts walking her to school instead of Wynonna, is there all the time to lecture her about going out at night to the Earp’s house, and drinks whiskey on the days he can’t find a way to follow around Nicole. 

They’re both different now, but still bonded. Paul doesn’t know her favorite brand of ice cream, she hasn’t listened to his new country CD. She’s surprised to see him up early in the mornings, he’s shocked to watch her make breakfast by herself. 

They barely know each other. 

One night in her mind Nicole compares her father to the bear he had once given her. It still sits on her shelves, dusty and torn from the past, but she can’t seem to force herself to throw it away. She also can’t bring herself to love it as much as she once did. 

—-

When the week of Halloween comes around Nicole goes store to store with her dad and lets him put her in different colored - always overly sparkly, always an eyesore - princess dresses. She rejects all of them. Before her dad had come back Nicole had planned the holiday all out with Waverly. 

Nicole was going to be a demon hunter, Waverly a zombie queen, and Wynonna a reluctant babysitter who would eat half their candy but also promised Nicole to egg Champ’s house. Now she hasn’t seen them outside of school in days. 

“No, dad. That’s Waverly’s costume.” Nicole jerks away from the crown Paul is trying to add to her princess outfit. 

This is the third store they’ve been today and Nicole’s at the point that even the candy he keeps handing her won’t keep her from attempting to leave. Other parents are giving them glances as if she’s about to burst into a tantrum, but she won’t. She hasn’t since she was four. Nicole just wants to leave or come back with her friends. 

“Who’s Waverly?” Paul asks, setting the plastic crown down on a counter. He looks very confused. 

“She’s my friend. Also, she’s tied for number one person in the world.” Nicole replies instantly. 

“Tied? With me?” 

“No, with Wynonna. You’re third.” She says, and slips off the dress as he’s gaping at her like a goldfish. 

“I- wait who’s Wy… Wynonna?” Paul struggles to pronounce her name and Nicole doesn’t bother answering, the alcohol will make him forget anyways.

The bright yellow fabric pools around her feet once it’s off and Nicole rushes to grab the leather jacket from where he’d hung it on the shelves. It’s more hers now than Wynonna’s, but wearing the thing always makes her feel protected and calm. Besides it fits perfectly over most of her shirts now and according to Nedley it looks totally tubular (that’s what the kids are saying nowadays, right Nicky?). 

Nicole spots a tube of black face paint on the shelf and pictures Waverly tackling Wynonna to smear it on her before they go trick-or-treating. She smiles at the image and takes it, throws it into their empty basket without a word. The only reason her dad doesn’t ask anything about it is because Nicole wraps her hands around his arm as they walk, and that’s always gotten him to give her everything she wants. 

They go to the register and the employee behind it is chewing gum in a loud, obnoxious way that seems familiar somehow. Nicole’s just tall enough to be able to rest her chin on the counter to watch her dad talk to someone who looks like Willa but with bright blonde hair. 

It makes Willa look part zombie and part Barbie, but somehow it fits her terrible personality. Nicole slides her head off the counter, hoping Willa won’t recognize her. The oldest Earp is supposed to be at boarding school, what’s she doing here anyways.

“Isn’t it a little weird for a middle-aged man to being buying makeup?” Willa asks Paul. 

“It’s paint and it’s for my daughter.” Her dad grips her shoulder then hoists her up onto the counter. 

Not to sound like one of those ungrateful teenagers in a bad movie, but she hates her father right now. Nicole makes brief eye contact with Willa and quickly glances away. She might break her streak and throw a tantrum just to get out of awkward conversation. 

“Hey little redhead isn’t so little anymore. Might want to lay off the Snickers.” Willa smirks at her and blows a pink bubble. 

“Uh, excuse me that’s very-“ 

“It’s fine. It’s just Willa.” Nicole cuts him off. He mutters something about her knowing too many W people and takes the paint once it’s paid for. 

Nicole hops off the counter, holding Paul’s hand and leading him towards the exit. On the way out she hears Willa mutter an insult at her and stops in her tracks. 

“Wynonna really needs to get friends who aren’t in diapers.” 

“Choke on a dick.” Nicole calls over her shoulder. She’s not really sure what it means but Wynonna had said it to a bully once and looked amazing doing it.

The last thing she sees as they leave is Willa’s shocked facial expression. Nicole grins even as her dad drags her away and scolds her in the parking lot.

—-

Days later on Halloween night, it’s not Waverly who has to wrestle Wynonna to get the paint on her face. Instead, no one wrestles her at all. That night Wynonna kneels in front of Nicole willingly - I heard what you said to Willa and it was awesome, now don’t make me look trashy, Haught - and lets Nicole turn her into a pretty scary looking skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider leaving comments/kudos if you’re enjoying the story. Thx for reading :)


	4. Shae-dy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shae is shady (yes I made another pun)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of angsty for some reason, wasn’t planning on that. Next few chapters will probably be more fluffy

Westburg High is even farther than the middle school from the elementary school Nicole and Waverly still - sadly - attend, so when Wynonna turns fourteen Nicole’s father buys a car to drive them all. Nicole is only eight and she can tell the car is a stupid idea. It’s New York City, most of the time it’s faster for them to walk or get into a cab if the weather is particularly harsh. His job is also a block away from Nedley’s apartment, which means he bought an entire vehicle just to make a ten minute drive twice a day. 

When he brings the car home for the first time, Nedley covers Nicole’s eyes and then all she hears is a loud slapping sound followed by the site of her father cradling the back of his head. 

Anyways, Paul Haught makes it very clear he doesn’t really want Wynonna in his car or near his daughter. He’s constantly asking her weird questions about what she does in her free time or if she knows anything about the gangs at her high school. Wynonna has to start wearing earbuds with nothing playing to avoid questions. The only reason she even gets to hitch a ride is because he likes Waverly and it would seem unreasonable to not drive the extra block or two for her older sister.

Despite the current lack of Wynonna in her life and her wanting to spend as much time away from her dad as possible, Nicole’s social life has gotten better. 

It’s all thanks to Jeremy. 

Jeremy moved into the apartment above her about two months before third grade and spilled soda on Nicole about a week later. Once she changed and stopped shivering, she didn’t mind much. He was her height, thin as paper, smelled relatively nice, and made funny jokes about science. Nicole announced to both Waverly and every girl in her class that she was deeply in love with Jeremy the day after meeting him, and since then she’s been considered normal. 

“I heard Jeremy likes you back by the way.” Waverly whispers one morning. 

They’re all sitting in the back of her dad’s car, Waverly in the middle with Nicole and Wynonna on either side of her. 

Nicole gives Waverly the biggest grin she can muster and they high five each other. She’s not really deeply in love with Jeremy, she just likes his jokes and how the way he rambles reminds her of Waverly. It’s this perfect formula Nicole’s figured out, when to smile or wink at the giggling girls who see her talking to him. 

It makes her feel nice. Normal. Though, she wasn’t aware she was abnormal before this. 

“Cool. You should get Champ so we can double date.” Nicole whispers back, but apparently not quietly enough.

“What? Who’s Jeremy? Wait, who’s Champ? Isn’t he that kid who pushed-“ Wynonna cuts herself off at the wide-eyed look Nicole’s giving her. She pulls her lips into a frown but shuts up. 

Nicole knows they’ll probably talk about that later, Waverly deserves to know her future husband is kind of a dick. 

“Actually, Wynonna’s right for once. Who’s Champ? God, who names their kid that?” Paul joins the conversation, unaware that his daughter wants to sink into the car and disappear. The feeling is similar to the one she had when she’d assumed Waverly was going to beat her up that one day. 

Perfect formula completely shattered in a matter of seconds. Now, Wynonna and her dad are both looking at her for an explanation that she doesn’t want to give either of them. Something stops her from wanting to tell Wynonna about Jeremy and talking to any parent about boys is incredibly awkward. 

The car screeches to a halt in front of the elementary school, making it clear Paul hadn’t been paying much attention to driving. Everyone’s upper body lurches forward and stops when the seat belt catches them. Nicole barely hears her dad apologizing as she climbs over the Earp sisters to get out. 

“Wait Nicky- have a good day... I guess.” Her father calls after her just as Nicole shuts the door to the school, leaving everyone in the car behind.

Maybe literally running away from her problems wasn’t the best idea, but Nicole hadn’t found a better solution yet. Waverly will move on after she sees something sparkly in the classroom, her dad will continue to act like she joined a gang even though she’s only eight, and Wynonna will be all Wynonna about it. 

By that Nicole means Wynonna will probably never mention it again but send her meaningful looks like she knows Nicole’s secret. Which is odd, because Nicole doesn’t even know her own secret. She just wants certain details of her life to be kept hidden. 

While she’s thinking all this over, Nicole goes into her classroom. They stay in one room the entire day so it’s messy, covered in math sheets and stray drops of paint from art class. They have desks now instead of one large checkered carpet to sit on and Nicole’s glad for that - puts a bit more space between her and everyone else in the class. 

Nicole sits next to Jeremy, ignoring that to her left the only thing keeping her away from Champ is Waverly’s empty desk. 

“Hey.” Jeremy greets her.

“Hi.” 

“Where’s Waverly? Did you guys race each other again? Your face is all red.” He comments. 

“Yeah. She lost.” Nicole lies. It’s believable, she’s the fastest girl in the class. Jeremy nods in a distracted way that suggests he doesn’t care much. 

Good. She’s usually not great at lying. 

“Coolio.” He says and Nicole smiles.

He’s a nice balance to the Earp girls, who are always on one adventure or another. Granted, Wynonna’s adventures are very different from Waverly’s. Wynonna has started stumbling in late to one of their movie nights smelling like an alley - smoky, unclean, and hard to take in - while just last week during math class, Waverly had pulled a bird out of her backpack and explained that she’d nursed it back to health a week ago. Jeremy on the other hand has had the same turkey sandwich for lunch and worn all green every day since he got here. He’s not the type of person to surprise her. 

So of course, all of a sudden he does. 

“I don’t think you have a crush on me, by the way.” Jeremy suddenly points out. 

Nicole nearly chokes on air.

“I never said I do-“ 

“Don’t lie, the girls told me a while ago. It’s fine, I get wanting to be normal.” He goes on. 

She wishes she had something to fiddle with to make this conversation easier. There’s nothing on her desk to work on yet, no pen or pencil to spin between two fingers to help her deal with whatever Jeremy’s implying. There’s only the leather jacket that Nicole still doesn’t think of as hers, though it’s lost it’s Wynonna smell. 

“I am normal.” Nicole whispers. Her voice is small, her hands are buried in the jacket’s pockets.

Jeremy sinks in his seat, looking a bit sad. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. We’re normal, just different.” 

We’re. As in, we are. 

Nicole opens her mouth to respond but Waverly comes in, walking right in front of the new girl. Their teacher had mentioned someone new would be coming and she knows how friendly Waverly is, so Nicole shouldn’t be surprised that they already look like best friends. Waverly hugs the girl - they must have met each other less than five minutes ago, Waverly takes friendly to a new level - and comes back to sit with Nicole. 

“Sorry I got here late, I was showing her around. Don’t you love her outfit?” Waverly gestures to the new girl who’s talking to the teacher. 

The outfit is all purple. Dark purple pants paired with a lighter shirt and earrings to match. She’s pretty but for once Nicole doesn’t want to stare at her. She kind of wants to look everywhere else. 

“Sure.” Nicole says, though she’s never hated anything for no reason so much before. 

Eventually class starts and their teacher ushers her up to speak to everyone. The girl stands at the front of the room, clutches her own fingers with one hand, and introduces herself. 

“Hi. I’m Shae Mitchell.” 

—-

Nicole and Shae’s feud starts the very next day. They tied while playing Simon Says and for two eight year olds, that was enough to become arch enemies.

Shae sits in front of Waverly and talks to her all the time, knowing it will make Nicole angry. In return Nicole (and she won’t tell Waverly she ever did this) spreads jam on Shae’s grammar homework one morning. After that hell breaks loose, they fight out of boredom and about stupid things. 

Who’s arms are longer? Who’s taller? Who’s faster? Who can drink the most milk in a minute? 

The last one ends in Nicole spending the weekend with a terrible stomach ache, but it’s somehow worth it to her since she gained a small win the day they did it. 

It becomes routine. Whenever Nicole feels angry, out of place, or when she hears the girls in her class whispering about her, all she has to do to distract herself is flick Shae on the shoulder. She’s not sure why Shae fights with her back but she doesn’t question it. They both just let the arguments go on and on. 

(“You act like a little boy with a crush.” Wynonna comments one day. 

“Shae is a girl. There’s no crush.” Nicole replies immediately.

Wynonna looks at her for longer than normal before shrugging.) 

It’s only when she wakes up on the first day of summer break and Nedley offers her cereal for breakfast that she starts crying. 

Her parents are splitting, there’s something deeply wrong with her that she can’t even put a name to, and no one is coming to change that. Shae was her distraction more than anything else and now that’s over. It’s just Nicole in a small apartment in a big city with the jacket, the movies, and her bears. 

—- 

The TV plays meaningless cartoons on the screen, pixelated and going black every thirty seconds or so. Popcorn is crackling in microwave and Nicole can hear Waverly humming in the kitchen. It’s not even dark yet but Wynonna has a beer in her hand and Nicole is already over at the Earp’s apartment. She normally waits until after dinner to come over but Nedley works during the day now, and there’s always the chance her dad might be waiting for her at home. 

Wynonna had glared and sat stiffly on the couch when Waverly had made some comment about her not supposed to be drinking, but now that she’s on her fourth bottle she looks calm. She has her arm thrown over the back of the couch as usual but she’s slumped over, like a tilted tower falling close to Nicole. 

Nicole writhes on the cushion, pulling at the sleeves of the jacket again and again. It clings to her so tight that every time she tries to move the leather stops her, and she wants it off. Except, it’s become a second skin to her. Taking it off makes her feel naked and exposed. 

She can’t be extra vulnerable right now, not with the divorce. 

“You okay?” Wynonna asks. 

“The jacket got too small.” Nicole responds, knowing that’s not what Wynonna was referring to at all. 

The older girl wordlessly tugs her own jacket off her shoulders and switches them so Nicole’s fits better. A commercial about an amusement park plays on the television. Waverly comes back in the room shortly after it ends.

—-

If the doorway of her room is the beginning of the race and the front door is the end, then her father is a giant moving wall in the middle of it all. He barely notices her watching him make the phone call but Nicole knows if she were to take another step the bubble of silence would pop and they’d have to talk. She just wants to leave. 

“No I… I know, I didn’t- fuck you Stephanie, you’re the one that isn’t here. We have a daughter you haven’t seen in years, you know.” Paul hisses through the phone. 

That confirms it, he’s calling Nicole’s mother. She feels sick knowing that her mom is calling him and not her, but she’d suspected who was on the other side of the phone call the whole time. Nicole guessed by the way her father looked tired and furious, saw him flinch away from the phone whenever he got a response as if his own wife’s words cut him. 

Paul’s hand comes up to dig into the growing bald spot on his head, it looks as if he’s trying to tear his skin off. 

“I… just let me speak!” It’s too loud even for him. He goes silent right after that and then turns, hand now dragging down his face with a sigh. 

Nicole doesn’t bother to hide herself and the moment they make eye contact is the moment he treats her like an adult - though she’s not, she’s just a child that’s growing up too quickly - for once. He doesn’t try to smile or change his voice to a high pitched Disney level. 

Instead, Paul just hangs up. 

“Are the Earps going to come get you?” He asks. 

That amusement park they’d seen on the commercial has actually looked like it might cause some amusement, so Wynonna made plans for them all to go. Not just Nicole and the two Earps, but Jeremy, Xavier, Willa, and her boyfriend too. Since it’s the summer the oldest Earp sister had come back and offered to drive them there if everyone promised not to mention that she has a boyfriend. 

(“Apparently getting a little dick gives Willa a little heart.” Wynonna had said.) 

“They’re downstairs in the van.” Nicole explains.

“There’s a van?” He exclaims, almost like he’s not going to let her go, but then his voice softens. “Is Wynonna driving?” 

“Don’t think she can.” She says. 

“Hasn’t stopped her before, according to Nedley.” Paul mutters. 

Nicole has the urge to roll her eyes, but she’s not brave enough for that yet. She walks past her dad and goes for the door. They’d talked about all this before - Willa is seventeen, almost an adult so it’s not like they’re unsupervised - and he’d argued but agreed to let her go. 

She opens the door and stops to say goodbye on her way out as she usually does, but something holds her there. Nicole notes how exhausted her father looks, how the hair on his face has grown unruly, how he slumps the same way Wynonna does after a few beers. He doesn’t have a leather jacket to protect him. 

So even though she’s annoyed, even though sometimes she cries and throws up from the nerves all of this causes, Nicole steps back into the apartment. She throws her arms around her father’s waist and stays for a couple seconds, long enough for him to know she cares. 

“I love you Nicky.” Paul says. His voice cracks, she thinks he might cry. 

“Love you too dad.” Nicole replies. 

They pull apart and she leaves. She collects herself as she gets in the elevator and starts to drop down to the lobby. As emotional as that was, Nicole’s excited to spend the day at the park riding roller coasters with her friends. She’s never been on one but those who have say it’s fun and scary at the same time, like a horror movie. 

When she steps out there’s a black van waiting for her outside of the apartment building. Nicole knows it’s the right one because she sees Waverly’s excited face press against one of the windows followed by Willa yelling at her to move faster. 

“Nicole! Hey.” Waverly steps out of the van to greet her, sounding much too cheery.

“Waverly! Hey.” Nicole mimics her. 

She tries to look past Waverly and into the car but Waverly’s head moves where her eyes go. Well, there’s definitely something being hidden from her. Nicole picks Waverly up and she protests but is ultimately too small to really fight back. Once the wall of Waverly is moved Nicole looks into the car and bites back a groan. 

Everyone’s already taken their seats. Nicole thought she’d be between the Earps, but apparently not. Wynonna and Willa are in the front, all the boys are sitting in the back - Willa’s boyfriend looks very uncomfortable squeezed next to Xavier and Jeremy - and Shae is there in the middle of the middle row, looking smug. 

Waverly’s set it up so she has to sit next to Shae. Nicole wants to kill her. 

While she’d enjoyed the competition and even had a mini meltdown over the lack of distraction earlier in the summer, she just wanted to enjoy the day. Not spend it with Waverly trying to make Nicole and Shae buddies. 

When Nicole glances at Waverly she gives her a toothy grin and Nicole’s anger melts away. She wishes her friend wasn’t so cute. 

“You owe me so many gummy bears.” Nicole grumbles, crawling into the car and smacking Shae in the face with her arm as she does so.


	5. Panic! There’s No Disco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I continue to make terrible puns, Nicole continues to be a clueless lesbian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there’s a panic attack at the end of the chapter (there’s maybe 3 small paragraphs describing it). Also this is short and I wanna apologize for taking so long to update, but I appreciate all the feedback I’m getting :) y’all are awesome

Nicole imagines her family - now reduced to her father and Nedley - slowly climbing a small hill. Somewhere between the time Paul had angrily punched a hole through the bathroom wall and that day at the theme park, things had started to go up rather than down. Paul gets a job working in some skyscraper that he seems to never leave anymore, but it gets them money. Specifically, it gets them enough money to buy a much bigger apartment. 

The room at the end of the hall in apartment 4D becomes Nicole’s in a matter of weeks. She has enough space for a couch in the corner and a small television, she even has her own bathroom down the hall. Paul buys her some new clothes to go with her new closet but Nicole still wears the same things - jeans, loose shirt, and leather jacket. It’s the first time she realizes that she doesn’t really like change. 

It doesn’t seem to matter though, nothing is ever her choice. 

Not that this is a bad change. She likes the space to decorate her room, the alone time, the cabinets constantly stocked with various cereals, and the old guy behind the front desk in the lobby with the mints. Nicole just feels so far from everything and everyone. She has to crane her neck when looking out the window to catch a glimpse of her old apartment building and the Earp’s directly across from it. 

It looks insignificant in the distance. Somehow, this makes Nicole feel insignificant herself.

—-

While Nicole lives in the new apartment, it isn’t home. Neither is Nedley’s place anymore. They bring plastic trays filled with various casseroles and leftover squares of cake wrapped in tin foil to his apartment often, since there’s no one to cook for him. She stops arguing with her dad, figures that won’t get her anywhere. They come to some type of silent understanding. There’s some days where she’ll slide up beside him on the plush couch and they’ll watch something together, those are the days that remind Nicole of Purgatory. Purgatory isn’t home either. 

It’s only when she’s lying in front of the Earp’s television on the floor that she realizes it. This is what home is supposed to feel like. 

Lips gleaming with butter, cooling pizza crusts lined with sauce and grease in an empty box, throats cold from soda but so warm everywhere else. The blanket forts, the movies, the overwhelming feeling of belonging. Here, with her in her pajamas, Waverly’s damp hair dripping onto Nicole’s bare shoulder, and with Wynonna spread out over the couch smelling more like sour candy than smoke for once. 

That is home. 

—-

The wind feels like tiny whips on her face when she leans halfway out the window to try and see her old apartment. Instead, she spots two girls on the sidewalk under her. One is wearing all black and the other is just a small - possibly skipping or hopping - yellow blob. Nicole brushes her hair out of her eyes and squints at the familiar blobs. 

She grins when she realizes it’s Waverly and Wynonna walking towards the building, then immediately panics. 

There Nicole is, in a cereal and milk stained tank top, and there Wynonna is (why are they walking so fast, crap), coming to see her. She races to put the bowl of leftover milk away and change her clothing. Suddenly everything looks very wrong. The placement of the photos on the walls, the one curl in her hair that won’t straighten, the show playing on the main television- oh god what if Wynonna thinks having a main television is pretentious. 

Nicole barely has enough time to brush her teeth and wash her face before the doorbell rings.

“Nicole!” Waverly squeals when they see each other and launches herself into Nicole’s arms. She’s small enough to comfortably wrap her body around Nicole like a koala. 

“Hey Waves.” Nicole says, squeezing her back.

The hug lasts for much longer than necessary, it always does with Waverly. Nicole looks over at Wynonna from over her shoulder and nearly drops Waverly. Her hair has gotten a lot longer, possibly a little darker too. It’s in desperate need of a comb and some proper styling that Wynonna is obviously avoiding, but it looks good. It isn’t the hair that shocks Nicole. 

No, it’s the fact that Wynonna has already unzipped her layers of jackets and is wearing a crop top. It’s not even the crop top that makes Nicole nervous, it’s just the amount of pale skin on display. It looks soft and strangely intriguing to her. She has the sudden need to come up with an excuse to hug Wynonna but also the thought of any contact makes her heartbeat beat rapidly.

Why is she suddenly afraid to like Wynonna? 

“You gonna let us in or not, Haught?” Wynonna asks. 

Nicole raises her eyes from the black material and looks at her face instead. Wynonna’s lips tilt up in a little smirk.

This time she does actually drop Waverly.

“Holy fish sticks!” Waverly hisses. It’s not that far a drop but Nicole apologizes twice anyways. 

They go inside after that and Nicole gets them both grape sodas before giving them a tour. There’s a lot more rooms than they need in the apartment so one is just a storage space filled to the brim with boxes. There isn’t much to show. Waverly suggests a second time that Nicole should buy a cat and keep it in one of the rooms.

Translation: Waverly wants to come over and play with a cute animal on the weekends.

“Okay, we got you something. Actually Wynonna got you something. I brought my stellar attitude since I don’t have money.” Waverly tucks the fluffiest pillow on Nicole’s bed under her arm. 

“You didn’t have to.” Nicole sits on the bed and Wynonna follows. 

“Of course I did, Haught. It’s only polite to get you a house warming gift.” She says, then proceeds to look for something in her many pockets.

They’d actually moved in last month, but that doesn’t matter. She’s just glad Wynonna is here. (In the back of her mind Nicole wonders what her mother would think of this apartment, if she’d be happy or scoff at all of Paul’s accomplishments. Probably the latter.)

“Oh I wasn’t talking about you bringing a gift. I was talking about Waverly bringing her attitude.” 

“Hey!” Waverly scowls at her. Wynonna laughs and fist bumps Nicole, then goes back to searching for the gift. 

Whatever she’s looking for takes her a very long time to find. Nicole glances at Waverly in hopes of getting a clue of what the present is but her friend is too busy stealing all of Nicole’s pillows. Eventually Wynonna gives up and pulls all of her jackets off.

The crop top looks even smaller when it’s not framed by two other layers of clothing. 

“Found it! I totally forgot about this pocket.” Wynonna says. Nicole is going to ask how you can put something in a pocket and then forget about it so easily, but Wynonna takes out a giant red gummy bear and Nicole forgets her question. 

It looks bigger than her face. She didn’t even know they had those, now she doesn’t know how she lived without them. 

“I love it. Holy shit thank you. It’s huge.” Nicole takes it and starts to pull the plastic wrap off the top.

“That’s what she sa- well, that’s one way to eat a gummy bear.” Wynonna cuts herself off when Nicole bites off the head.

Nicole swallows the chunk she’d taken. “Oh. Did you guys want to share?” 

Waverly giggles, because even while Nicole offers to share she’s also starting to greedily chew off the arms and legs. 

“No, I think we’re okay.”

—-

Champ comes to school one day with his brown mop of hair chopped off at the sides to resemble a crude mohawk. It looks like he let one of his friends cut it with scissors - the big, brightly colored ones that aren’t very sharp and are reserved for kindergartens. His face seems bigger with the haircut, Nicole compares him to one of the trolls in Lord of the Rings. 

Of course Champ claims his new appearance makes him stronger and everyone pretends the extra weight is muscle. It might as well be, he’s still fast and bigger than most of the other boys. He starts ramming head first into people during football and wearing this obnoxious shirt with a red rhino on it. 

Nicole didn’t think anything could be worse than the name Champ, but once a few of the boys start calling him the Rhino in fourth grade she’s proven wrong. 

The absolute worst part of it all is how Waverly swoons and pines after Champ once he starts acting tougher. Nicole, once again, doesn’t understand why. Everyone looks different that year. Both of them had cut their hair (in a professional shop, not with kiddy scissors) so it stops at their shoulders, a lot of people got a bit taller, and Jeremy’s a shade darker thanks to his trip to Hawaii. 

Jeremy looks good, she’s not denying that. He’s tall enough for them to make eye contact now and he lets his mom style his hair back with gel now. Nicole likes the gel, it smells nice when it gets on her fingers after he begs her to change the style. She’s not about to fall head over heels and devote her time to talking about him the way Waverly does with Champ. 

It’s as if she’s not Waverly anymore, just Champ’s groupie. Maybe Nicole could deal with that if Champ wasn’t a huge jerk. 

“Hey, pony boy. Wait up!” Champ calls after them.

Both Nicole and Jeremy freeze upon hearing him behind them. Waverly had left school early for a dentist appointment and Wynonna went too, so it’s just them walking back to their apartment building. Nicole knows one day Waverly will turn her head in the right moment to see her crush push someone down for no reason and then the crush will be over, but today is not that day. 

There’s no one in sight when Champ pushes Jeremy on the ground. The walk from the school to their homes includes going through a park, and Champ had caught up to them under the bridge where passing strangers wouldn’t have a reason to look. He puts his knee on top of Jeremy’s chest near his neck and rests all his body weight on him so it’s hard for Jeremy to breathe.

“Come on Champ, let him go. You’re being a dick.” Nicole says.

He frowns at her, arms crossed and barely paying attention to Jeremy blubbering under him. Champ eventually smiles. It’s alarming how charming it seems, he looks like an angel under that bridge. Nicole realizes for the very first time how unfair this all is, Champ will get out of this just fine by flashing that smile at anyone who questions him. 

“It’s fine. Look.” Champ gestures down at a squirming Jeremy. “The little homo likes it.” 

“Fuck off.” Jeremy grumbles, but his face is burning and he doesn’t just look bothered - he looks ashamed. 

Jeremy wiggles on the floor like a worm under a much larger predator and Nicole watches, she can’t do much. Champ is too big for her to try to punch or even ram him, so she goes with Plan C. She slams her lunchbox into the side of Champ’s face and he falls over. There’s a loud crack of something that Nicole hopes isn’t one of his bones (she’s not evil, she’s just angry) and then Champ starts crying. 

It’s not even manly ‘hide away from the world so no one sees me’ crying. The dude is sobbing. It takes all the tension from the moment and Jeremy looks at her, still breathless but grinning.

“That was so badass.” Jeremy comments. 

“I’m so grounded.” Nicole replies - she doesn’t really care, now she has something cool to tell Wynonna about.

—-

“Hey, what’s homo mean?” Nicole finds herself asking Wynonna things instead of telling. 

Whatever it means, the question seems to startle Wynonna. Nicole can’t be sure if that’s because of the subject or because she’d asked it out of the blue. She doesn’t know what they’re supposed to be talking about or doing right now, Wynonna had come over twenty minutes ago with the only explanation that she needed space from Gus. So they’ve spent the past nineteen minutes listening to rock music, not really needing to say anything. 

It’s peaceful but also strange. Wynonna usually doesn’t hang out with her unless Waverly is there. 

“You mean, like, home?” Wynonna replies lamely. Nicole rolls her eyes. 

“No. H-O-M-O. At least I think that’s how it’s spelled.” 

Wynonna casually plays with a strand of her hair before responding. “Oh. That’s short for homosexual.” 

Nicole gives her a blank look, that explanation doesn’t help her understand more at all. She knows Wynonna will tell her anything she wants to know. She’d been the one to tell Nicole and Waverly where babies come from and some extra stuff (but they’re not supposed to mention that to Paul or Nedley).

“You know like how in the movies a guy dates a girl, well some girls date other girls and some guys date other guys.” Wynonna says. 

Well, that makes sense. Jeremy does seem to like the guys more than the girls. The only thing that doesn’t make sense is why he’d almost gotten his ass kicked for it.

“Is it a bad thing?” Nicole asks. 

“No.” Wynonna immediately replies. “Only assholes think so.” 

That makes sense too. Champ is an asshole and Nicole understands what homo means now. It’s not bad, but it’s one of those things that you can’t control that people might hate you for. Like being too tall or not being pretty, it goes on the list of things that assholes will mess with you for. 

—-

The day Nicole spots her mom in a grocery store is also the day Nicole’s long string of panic attacks start. 

Everything had been fine before. Nicole had gone to school in the morning, argued with Shae upon arriving, ate lunch with her friends, and spent twenty minutes in the park with Waverly and Wynonna after school before Nedley picked her up. Even though they’re just going to a grocery store Nicole is happy to spend time with her uncle. She still has streaks of blue marker on her fingertips and a wide smile on her face when Nedley asks her to go grab some yogurt, but that smile won’t last. 

She gets the yogurt and a pint of ice cream for herself without a problem, then hears a familiar voice in one of the aisles and freezes. Nicole clutches the cold items to her chest and follows the voice, peering around a shelf so she’s not seen. 

It hits her like a punch to the gut. There’s Stephanie Haught, one hand holding a phone and the other carefully cradling a baby. Her red hair is short and an entirely different style now, but it’s obviously her. Nicole puts together the dots pretty quickly. Her mother has a basket full of diapers, baby food, and other groceries - the type of stuff you buy when you’ve been in the city for a while and plan on staying. 

Nicole holds back tears. She’s heard the late night phone calls, she’s heard her dad give Stephanie both their new and old address multiple times. The problem isn’t that she doesn’t know where they are or that she’s stuck in Purgatory, she’s right here buying groceries. 

Without Nicole. With some random baby. (And god, it better be just a random baby - Nicole can’t deal with a sibling right now.)

Stephanie suddenly turns and they make eye contact. 

“Nicole?” 

Nicole drops the things in her hand, backing up and away from her mother. She can’t breathe. Everything seems fuzzy in her vision now. Seriously, she can’t breathe - there must be something in her throat that’s stopping her. Nicole reaches up to touch her neck in an attempt to help herself in some way. 

She keeps backing up from her mother. She can’t breathe. Nicole sinks to the ground. A baby is crying, her mom keeps saying her name. It’s suffocating. 

She can’t breathe, she can’t breathe, she can’t breathe.


	6. Oh, Those Summer Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Wynonna and Nicole are adorable together and I write about 3,000 words of fluff and mommy issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while. I was at camp for two weeks and didn’t have a lot of free time, just got back yesterday so I’m working on posting more :)

To say Wynonna looked shocked when Nicole showed up at her door is an understatement. Nicole hadn’t planned to come over much that summer, considering Waverly wouldn’t be back from camp until late August, but she figured visiting Wynonna could be fun. It wasn’t as if either of them had anything other to do anyways. 

Nicole wasn’t in the mood to stay home and dodge calls from her mother about visiting her half-sister. Paul and Nedley were rarely not busy with their respective jobs and as far as Nicole knew, Wynonna would also be alone all summer. 

Unless she was with Xavier. Even though Nicole knows it seems selfish, she hopes those two break up before school starts again. 

“Hey. Shouldn’t you be out enjoying the relatively hot weather?” Wynonna asks, but moves to let Nicole in the apartment regardless. 

She has a bag of groceries slung across one shoulder and backpack on her other. The groceries are just twenty dollars worth of frozen meals Nicole had picked up - she’d been worried Wynonna wouldn’t feed herself properly. The backpack has about ten crappy horror movies, the type kept in the back of the video store that are usually half off.

“Was that a pun?” Nicole questions. She silently scans the apartment for signs of anyone (Xavier) besides Wynonna having been there.

“Of course.” Wynonna shuts the door behind them. 

Wynonna follows Nicole into the kitchen, where the younger girl is putting things in the freezer. There’s dirty silverware but no plates or bowls in the sink and ripped ramen packets piling up in the trash. Nicole rolls her eyes when she sees it but Wynonna just shrugs unapologetically. 

The heat is cranked up in the apartment enough that Nicole thinks she might start sweating. She has on three jackets but Wynonna is only wearing a black tank top and very small shorts. They’re pink with cupcakes scattered across them, Nicole guesses that the shorts are Waverly’s. 

If Nicole was brave she’d let herself think that Wynonna looks cute in them. Nicole isn’t brave. 

“You bought groceries?” Wynonna picks up a frozen lasagna and inspects it. 

“I was worried with Gus and Waverly gone you would be living off of candy and ramen noodles.” She says. Wynonna ducks her head, blushes a little. 

Nicole looks away. (Cute, cute, cute.) 

“Oh god, I’m being taken care of by a ten year old.” Wynonna lifts herself up on the counter. “For the record, I ate some chips earlier. I’m starving though. Can you cook?” 

“I can microwave.” Nicole takes the lasagna back from Wynonna. She pulls the plastic covering off and pops it in the microwave. 

It’s silent for a while. Well, as silent as the Earp home can be. There’s still cars honking outside, rock music playing from the other room, and the microwave is particularly loud. It’s comfortable. 

“What’s in the backpack?” Wynonna asks. Instead of answering Nicole flings it at her. 

She catches it and looks through the collection of movies. They’re all R-Rated and gory, basically all the stuff a ten year old typically wouldn’t be allowed to watch. Not every ten year old has a Wynonna though. 

(In the grand scheme of things, it’s probably good that there’s only one Wynonna.)

“Holy shit, Haught, this is awesome.” Her eyes widen in excitement when she chooses one. 

They’re the prettiest shade of blue Nicole has ever seen, which is a stupid thing to think since that’s pretty close to a (kind of, maybe, very) gay thought. She still thinks it anyways. No matter how hard Nicole tries it seems her thoughts about Wynonna won’t go away. The things that come to her mind are always involuntary and make her feel kind of ashamed. Again, she isn’t sure what she’s shaming herself for.

One of Wynonna’s arms comes out and pulls Nicole into a brief hug. It’s warm and great and all but Wynonna smells heavily of alcohol. Not just a few cans of beer, but like she’d bathed in it. When the hug ends Nicole glances at the trash can again, this time spotting an empty vodka bottle buried under other trash. 

When had Wynonna switched to the harder stuff? Maybe Nicole should come around more often. 

The microwave beeps and Wynonna slides off the counter to play a fun round of ‘fuck this is hot I should’ve used oven mitts’ before setting the food down where she’d been sitting. 

“Want half?” Wynonna asks and Nicole nods. 

They split it - or more, Wynonna doesn’t have any clean knives so she spends three minutes cutting it in half with the edge of a plate - and sit on the couch in front of the television. Wynonna chooses the one with the zombies because one of the actors looks hot. Apparently someone’s face being rotted off won’t stop Wynonna Earp. 

—-

Later when she falls asleep with Wynonna’s legs sprawled across her lap, Nicole wonders if the actor Wynonna had been attracted to was a girl. She never specified boy or girl, just used vague terms like they, them, or person that left Nicole wondering. 

—- 

She’s still wondering a week after that. Nicole wakes up in her own apartment this time, hears her father cursing in the other room, and immediately thinks of Wynonna. This time Nicole wonders if she likes girls herself. 

Panic rises up in her mind. The thought of being gay makes her terrified. She’s not sure of what. Just scared of everything. 

After a minute though Nicole comes to the conclusion she isn’t gay. Other girls thinking other girls are pretty is fine, even Waverly thinks that. As long as she doesn’t have thoughts of kissing or dating them she’s fine. Besides, she’d kind of liked that one blonde boy with the light blue eyes who had smiled at her in a gas station once. 

That’s… pretty straight of her. 

Nicole sighs and gets up out bed. She’s going to be late to meet Wynonna if she keeps lying around thinking about girls (in a totally heterosexual way). 

Normally she’d take a little while to get ready but this time she’s already prepared since she had fallen asleep in her jeans last night. Nicole had planned to sleep over at the Earp’s place but her dad had called, so Wynonna and her had shuffled their way back to her apartment. She passed out seconds after Wynonna dropped her off. 

The exhaustion was worth it. Nicole had spent every day for the last week with Wynonna and better yet, Wynonna had wanted to spend it with her. 

Nicole rubs her eyes and walks into the kitchen where her dad is on the phone cursing someone out. Probably one of his employees. She grabs a sticky note and a pen off the kitchen counter and writes Wynonna’s address and phone number on it. Nicole pulls her jacket on then leaves. 

He probably won’t notice she’s gone until after he’s done with the call. 

The weather outside has gotten less harsh since the summer started. There’s still snow and the wind still stings when it comes but it’s warm enough that she doesn’t need a coat. Not that Wynonna would know this. Nicole doubts she had left the apartment all week.

She isn’t going to mention it to Waverly or anything but Nicole is almost positive Wynonna has been drunk during all of her visits. It isn’t the sad, angry type of drunk her dad is sometimes. Instead Wynonna sways around the apartment, randomly commenting on how much fun everything is (“Oh my god, popcorn is so ultra mega fun dude.”), and hugging Nicole whenever she can. 

Okay, so she’s not complaining about that last part. Still the hugs would be a lot better if they weren’t laced with vodka. 

“Haught Stuff!” Wynonna scoops Nicole up into her arms the second she opens the door. 

They’re about the same height so Wynonna can only lift Nicole a few centimeters off the ground but Nicole wraps her legs around Wynonna’s waist like she’s six again. She sniffs the flannel Wynonna is wearing and is surprised when she only smells detergent. It doesn’t even smell like smoke. 

“Hey Short Stuff.” Nicole greets. Wynonna pulls away, only enough to gape at her. 

“I’m not short! I’m taller than you.” 

“I’m ten.” 

“Well.” Wynonna sputters. “Now you don’t get your surprise, so ha.” 

Wynonna turns on her heel and disappears into the apartment. Nicole shuts the door behind her as she follows. They end up in the kitchen again, this time Wynonna has a backpack and it’s Nicole who sits on the top of the counter, curious about what’s inside. 

Despite her claiming that she wasn’t giving Nicole her surprise, Wynonna continues filling up the backpack anyways. There’s sandwiches in tiny plastic bags, juice boxes, a red checkered towel, and water bottles. 

“Are we going on a picnic?” Nicole questions. 

“Fuck. How’d you guess?” Wynonna pauses, looking at the stuff she’d been packing and answers her own question. 

“Why are we going on a picnic? I thought we were going to watch one of Nedley’s old cowboy movies.” 

“I don’t know. It looked like a nice day out. We’re still going to watch the one with the hot girl later.” She explains. Nicole nods.

A picnic does sound nice. They could talk and look at birds or do whatever Wynonna wants to. Nicole hasn’t really sat in Central Park or even seen all of it yet, so that could be cool. It’s also great that Wynonna isn’t drinking and is actually going outside and- wait. 

Nicole replays Wynonna’s words in her head. Hot girl. As in Wynonna thought a girl was hot. Or maybe it was just one of those things that you can say or do that sounds kind of gay but isn’t for whatever reason. Like when Jeremy talks about how amazing he thinks Superman’s muscles look on the movie posters.

And anyways, Nicole shouldn’t care if Wynonna likes girls or not. Nope, she shouldn’t care at all. 

“You ready?” Wynonna gently nudges Nicole’s knee with her backpack. 

“Yeah.” She replies. 

If Nicole forces Wynonna to give her a piggyback ride the entire way to the park, lying about how she’s tired, then it’s no one’s business but her own.

—-

“Nicky, Waverly is calling from camp.” Paul pops his head into her room. He points at the landline on her desktop and she nods. 

Paul watches Nicole as she takes the call and she stares back. There’s a long stretch of silence between them. He still doesn’t really trust the Earps and has gotten less subtle about it the more she hangs out with Wynonna. Blatantly listening in on her and Waverly’s conversation is a big step towards being creepy. 

After a minute he leaves and Nicole relaxes, sighing loudly. 

“Your dad again?” Waverly asks. 

“He stood there for like forever. I think he thinks I’m in a gang or something.” Nicole explains. She hates how she’s almost starting to sound as if she’s some bratty teenager. 

“What about your mom? Have you talked to her recently?”

“No.” 

Waverly gets quiet on the other end and Nicole knows she’s thinking of another topic to bring up. No one really talks about her family situation. Waverly knows she used to live in Purgatory and about the divorce and the baby, but that’s all. She assumes Wynonna knows the bare minimum. Nicole doesn’t even know her sister’s name. She’s not sure if she ever wants to.

“How’s camp?” Nicole fiddles with her bedsheets. The relief coming from off of Waverly is almost visible.

“It’s the best thing ever. We get to swim everyday and it’s actually warm out. Everyone’s really nice here, you should come next summer. There’s other kids from our class in my cabin too.” Waverly usually goes on and on about camp until asking how Champ is. 

(Nicole’s answer is normally: still a raging asshole.) 

This time there’s a small pause so Nicole assumes Waverly wants her to ask something. She’s kind of dreading it, she hates basically everyone in her class except for Jeremy and Waverly. Shae she can tolerate some days, but most days she’s seconds away from smacking Shae in the face.

“Anyone I know?” 

“Shae.” Waverly says. Nicole rolls her eyes. 

“She asks about you. Like, what type of movies you watch and other stuff.” She adds. 

Weird. Very, very weird. Nicole assumed the dislike was mutual but apparently not. Maybe Shae was screwing with her from afar or something. Nicole mulled over the thought of being friends with Shae, then decided she could try but it would probably be much more fun to tease her about Nicole being a whole inch taller. 

“Have you called Champ?” Nicole asks, clearly deflecting again. Waverly doesn’t seem to notice or doesn’t mind and launches into a long explanation about her boyfriend.

—-

So the rest of the summer goes like this: Nicole calls Waverly three times a week and her mother every other day. She talks about Champ with Waverly (they never speak about Wynonna, those picnics and the movies feel private to her somehow) and her mom asks trivial questions that don’t mean much. 

They don’t feel like mother and daughter anymore, more like distant relatives that see each other on holidays. Nicole gets her to talk about how work is going and in return her mom asks how tall she is. Part of her wants to comment that if she actually visited then they wouldn’t have to talk about her height over the phone, but Nicole doesn’t say anything. 

Instead, she says she’s getting really tall now and her mother tells her that’s good. Everything is good.

When the summer starts to end she has to start buying school supplies and studying math once again. She spends more time with Wynonna than necessary, clinging to their nights spent together like Wynonna’s leaving forever. There’s this odd feeling hanging between them- Nicole is sure she’s figured out what it is. When the school year begins this part of their friendship ends. 

For a while Nicole thought it was just her thinking this, she had a tendency to be paranoid. Then the new slasher movie came out just a few days before school was scheduled to start and Wynonna started acting weird. She kept saying they needed to see it - though if they waited a week the prices would go down and the theaters would be less crowded. 

School would start by then. Things would end by then. Maybe Nicole wasn’t just being paranoid.

There she was, standing in the middle of the line outside of the theater at midnight on the last day of summer because Wynonna asked her to. It was cold out. Not cold enough for her to be complaining or want to go inside, but cold enough for Nicole to be snuggled into Wynonna’s side. 

Nicole had that buzz going on deep in the pit of her stomach, the one Wynonna probably had all the time when she stole candy or something. Like she was doing something wrong that was simultaneously pushing her forward in life, improving her personality somehow. Though nothing had happened, the night already felt important.

“How are we going to get in anyways? Neither of us are eighteen and you’re about the height of a munchkin.” Nicole says, quiet enough that no one else could hear. 

“Oh shush.” Wynonna rolls her eyes. “Have trust in your favorite munchkin.” 

Nicole’s face was still round and covered with baby fat. She hated it. She wanted to look older. While Nicole was tall she definitely didn’t look eighteen. Wynonna, on the other hand, kind of did. Her jawline looked slightly sharper as she got thinner and her cheekbones had become more visible over the summer. If it weren’t for her basically being a dwarf she could’ve passed as an adult. 

“Who says you’re my favorite munchkin?” 

Wynonna gasps, covering her mouth with her hand right after. “Have you been cheating on me with other fairytale creatures?” 

“Yeah. Those hobbits really get me hot and bothered.” Nicole replies. 

She wishes she could say she’s gotten used to Wynonna laughing at her jokes by now, but she hasn’t. Before when she was younger Wynonna must’ve been humoring her and chuckling just to be nice. Now Nicole can make Wynonna’s cheeks burn scarlet and the edges of her eyes water with the right punchline. It’s probably the greatest thing she’s accomplished this summer. 

“For what it’s worth you’re my favorite giant.” Wynonna says once her laughter has died down.

Nicole’s eyes find some gum stuck to the pavement. She focuses on that. Not on Wynonna or her smell or her arm thrown carelessly around Nicole’s shoulders. Just like that, her heart is pounding. Just like that, Wynonna has control over her once again. 

“Thanks.”

They move forward in the line silently.


	7. A Good Pair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jump starting your car cause this city's a bore,  
> Buying e-cigarettes at the convenience store,  
> Making new clichés on our own little tour,  
> Let's ride  
> \- for him. , Troye Sivan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but Wynonna playing the drums in a band wearing black crop tops and leather pants and being really good with her fingers is my kink

Halfway through the year everyone in their class had grouped together into different clubs and teams in preparation for middle school. Nicole already had basketball since her father had signed her up at the beginning of fifth grade. He had mentioned something about her needing extracurriculars for high school and suddenly she wore a jersey three times a week. Waverly had joined the debate team, so Gus forced Wynonna into taking up a hobby too.

Most of them assumed Wynonna would take up a sport but Nicole couldn’t imagine that with Wynonna’s smoker lungs. So she was the only one who wasn’t shocked when Wynonna chose an instrument. Not to say Nicole wasn’t surprised, because she’d always seen her as more of a guitar person and seeing Wynonna carrying around a drum set one day was something she’d never imagined happening.

According to Wynonna, she had a friend of a friend who would let her use the set and play in their studio down the block from the school if she payed them (with what, no one was sure since Wynonna barely had any money). So things were set. 

Gus kept suggesting Wynonna play something quieter, Paul made jokes about her breaking the drums within a week, and Waverly complained that the harp was better. Everyone had something negative to say except for Nicole. As always, she supported Wynonna completely. She spent her weekends watching Wynonna go from slamming the drums recklessly with her sticks - the sound was always loud and wild, not resembling music in any way - to hitting them with care and precision. 

There was something about Wynonna Earp and the drums that drawled Nicole in. Maybe it was the way Wynonna’s fingers started to mindlessly twirl her drumsticks when deep in thought, maybe it was the heavy energy in the room when Wynonna found the right rhythm. Maybe it was just the sight of Wynonna, practicing late at night in nothing but her leather jacket and a black set of underwear. Whatever it was it drew Nicole in like a moth to a ridiculously sexy flame and when she entered the studio on Friday afternoons, Nicole crumbled complete and instantly. 

It broke her so easily that it irritated her. She’d sit on a cracked couch in the corner of the studio, silently watching Wynonna drum for hours, and suddenly have the urge to draw her. The urge got stronger as time passed. First it was just doodles in the margins of her homework papers, like Wynonna’s hands splayed out over the drum set, then a week or two passed and Nicole had half a notebook full of pages with only Wynonna. 

“I’m going to go hang out at the studio after class. Do you want to come?” Nicole asks Waverly. 

The day is dwindling to an end, students packing textbooks and spare papers into their backpacks as the teacher tells them to study for an upcoming test. Nicole has her notebook - the one with all the drawings - clutches under her arm tightly and the rest of her things in a bag. She’s prepared to spend some time sketching the sharp angles of Wynonna’s face, especially her dimples. 

In fact she’s excited to get there and draw. It’s weird how she sat through class the entire day thinking of drawing, not only Wynonna. 

“No thanks. Champ and I are getting ice cream, so I guess I’ll see you later.” Waverly explains. 

Anyways, inviting Waverly is just so she seems polite. Waverly would want to know what she’s drawing and Waverly would bring Champ, and she isn’t in the mood to hear Champ call her a homo or something along those lines. 

“Yeah. Dinner at yours tonight, Waves?” Nicole asks. The other girl nods before letting Champ put his arm around her shoulders and lead her away.

So that leaves Nicole out in the hall with Jeremy. He pushes up and down on his heels, coming to her height and then back down over and over. 

“What studio?” Jeremy questions. 

“Oh it’s just… like this place downtown, no one really hangs out there except for Wynonna. You’ve met her right? Waverly’s sister?” 

“Once or twice, yeah.” He pauses. “Could I come?”

Normally Nicole would make up some bullshit excuse about not being able to take him without asking his parents or there not being enough room in the studio for him. Today she’s feeling generous. Plus, Jeremy won’t call her a homo - at least not in a mean way - if she takes him. 

Then there’s the reason for taking him that she ignores. The crooked part in his hair, the bit of concealer on his cheek rubbed off enough that she can see purple under it, the slight limp to his walk. Some part of her knows that something is wrong. All other parts of her don’t want to say it. 

“Sure.” Nicole grabs his hand and leads him down the hall. 

She holds him as tightly as she does her notebook the entire way to the studio. He’s small enough to get lost in the crowd of the city after all, and he doesn’t grip her hand back as gently as he usually would either. 

The building is actually a record shop. Nicole hasn’t seen all of it but she knows the owner lives above it and the studio sits below it. The bricks that built it are chipped in places and marked with graffiti, obviously old. It doesn’t look like much but Nicole enters anyways. She knows one of her favorite people is waiting just a few feet below her.

“Hey, red. Wynonna went downstairs with her boyfriend an hour ago. I’d knock if I were you.” Mike tells her when she walks in. He’s a lanky teenager with an awesome eyebrow piercing that always jiggles when he winks at her in greeting. 

“Okay. Thanks Mike.” Nicole says.

“Wait? Who’s your friend?” Mike asks. 

They stop in front of one of the shelves with some dusty records on them. Nicole glances back at Jeremy, who’s suddenly gone very red. He looks nervous but not only that, more embarrassed and kind of lovesick. She looks between him and Mike, wondering if that’s how she looks at Wynonna. 

Fuck, she hopes not. 

“Jeremy. Me, Jeremy.” 

“Cool shirt little dude.” Mike compliments him and Jeremy turns into the human version of a gaping goldfish.

Oh god, her friend is such a disaster. 

Nicole pulls him farther along into the store to the back. They go through a maroon door and down a staircase that smells faintly of smoke. There’s rock band posters Nicole only recognizes from Wynonna’s room along the walls surrounding the stairs. Smoke and booze and rock music. She can totally see why Wynonna spends a lot of time here. 

Before opening the door to the basement Nicole pauses to knock. For a moment an image runs through her head, one where Wynonna is with Xavier. They’re kissing in her mind and the thought of walking in on it makes her feel as if she could hurl right then and there. 

Separately those two are her very favorite teenagers. Together… well, she wouldn’t mind losing her eyeballs if it meant never seeing that again. 

“Hey Nicole. You didn’t have to knock bro.” Xavier greets her at the doorway. There’s many things Nicole likes about Xavier, him referring to everyone as bro is not one of them.

He moves to the side so they can come into the room. There’s Wynonna, all dark eyes and curves. Her hair is pulled up into a messy bun but the few strands that have escaped are stuck to her forehead with sweat. One drumstick is sitting in her lap, the other is spinning between two of her fingers. 

“What’s up Haught Stuff and friend?” 

Nicole is too mesmerized by the movement to answer until Wynonna throws one of the drumsticks at her, which she narrowly missed.

“Holy shit what the fuck man.” Nicole says, all in one rushed string of words. 

“You weren’t answering.” Wynonna shrugs then glances over at Jeremy. “Hey we’ve met before, right?” 

“Yeah. I’m Jeremy.”

“Wynonna.” She replies with a small nod.

It’s quiet for a bit as Wynonna and Xavier toss back a few beers while whispering among themselves. Jeremy curls up on a pillow on the floor and starts doing his science homework while Nicole pretends to do the same but sits on the couch. Eventually, after a second beer, Wynonna chooses to keep practicing. 

Nicole adds another drawing to the collection.

—-

One weekend Xavier comes in around dinner time with a case of various ice creams and popsicles wrapped in plastic. He eats all the kind of healthy fruit ones while Nicole grabs a frozen shortcake bar. Wynonna takes a red, white, and blue popsicle and Nicole watches, too breathless to speak, as Wynonna lets the treat stain her lips cherry.

She doesn’t draw that. She doesn’t need to. That image stays with her for months after.

—-

Nicole likes her hair. Her mother doesn’t. It’s short enough that it barely brushes her shoulders and is a shade lighter than it was when she was younger. She used to have it so long it would reach her waist and on Saturday nights before church she’d let her mom curl it into different styles or add small flowers to the strands. 

It’s been over six years since Nicole has sat through a church service in one of Purgatory’s cold chapels with her hair too fancy to touch. If she does the math, that’s more than half of her life she’s spent away from her mother. Not to mention Nicole barely remembers the first two years of her life and has only distant memories of the other three leading up to the big move. 

She doesn’t want to do the math. She doesn’t want to talk about her feelings or go to those therapy sessions her dad keeps suggesting. She doesn’t like confrontation. 

This is probably one of the traits Nicole gets from her mother. 

“So honey, your dad and I have been talking about getting dinner at that new Italian place.” Her mother brings up, sounding everything but casual.

They’re in front of a mirror, Nicole sitting while her mom stands behind the chair and brushes out Nicole’s hair. Strands of her hair are stuck together and almost brown at the tips, almost like she’d styled it with gel. The night before Wynonna had spilled apple juice on the both of them and Nicole hadn’t bothered to shower before going to bed.

It’d been one of those nights where Wynonna and her picked up again where they’d left off from that summer of movies. It seemed they only watched movies together when it was just them now. 

Paul leaves for a business trip? Wynonna has a six pack of grape soda and ten new DVDs. Waverly sleeps over at Shae’s house for a night? Nicole comes knocking down the Earps door. 

Now, her mom desperately works to get the juice out. Pulling and tugging so hard Nicole wants to yell, going on about dinners and sinners and church like she hadn’t left for years. Nicole understands that they’re trying to smooth it over and not talk about it, and she appreciates it. It’s better than glares shot over glasses of wine and late night arguments.

“What’s it called?” Nicole asks.

“Frescos? I think. Everyone could come. Nedley, that boy Jeremy seems nice-“ 

“Even the Earps?” She interjects. 

Her mom looks a bit displeased but brightens up when she realizes Nicole is indirectly agreeing to have dinner with her. 

“Yes. Even the Earps.” Stephanie nods.

Nicole thinks about dinner and what everyone means. If the Earps are allowed to come that probably means her step-sister will be there too. Also her mother’s new husband. She thinks she can deal with her sister since the kid is maybe two or three, but the new husband Nicole isn’t sure about. 

Still, she can try.

“You should take a shower honey, whatever this is it isn’t coming out.” Her mom suggests, placing the comb down on the counter. 

Nicole is about to protest when her phone vibrates. Her parents had bought her the most expensive version and given it to her for Christmas in hopes to make up for all the divorce drama. She accepted it but there isn’t much to do except play Candy Crush and text Wynonna since the rest of her friends are eleven and don’t have phones. 

So the only one who could be messaging her is either Wynonna, Nedley, or her dad. Two of those people have work at the moment. Nicole is suddenly very excited to answer her texts.

Wynonna: haaaaaaugghhhttttt, meet me at the parking lot in 20 I’ve got a mission 4 us

Nicole: kk

“Okay I’ll go shower.” She says. 

Ignoring her mother, who’d probably read the text over her shoulder and was now blubbering about them getting lunch instead, Nicole bolts to the bathroom. 

She turns on the water, strips, and steps under the hot spray of the shower. Nicole scrubs until her skin is light pink and burning. In some ways she’s trying to wash the scent of her mom off her, expensive perfume and gaudy hairspray doesn’t mix with aging leather and whiskey. In other ways she doesn’t want to smell crappy in front of Wynonna.

When Nicole dries off and exits her mom is the same place, in front of the mirror in her room.

“Do you ever think you maybe spend too much time with Wynonna? I mean… you’re Waverly’s friend, not hers.” Stephanie says when she sees her.

Nicole is used to comments like this. 

“Waverly is visiting her aunt.” She explains.

“But-“

“I have to go.”

Nicole narrowly misses her mother’s hand reaching out for her as she leaves. She feels like Indiana Jones barely escaping a tomb with just enough time to grab her jacket off the coat hanger.  
Thankfully, Stephanie doesn’t follow her into the hall or out the door. She makes it out onto the streets completely untouched and still buzzing with warmth from her shower.

It doesn’t take her long to the get to the parking lot near Wynonna’s apartment. It’s small and relatively empty except for parked taxis, but Nicole recognizes one car in the lot- it’s her dad’s. She approaches it hesitantly until the window on the driver’s side goes down and she spots Wynonna sitting in the car behind the steering wheel, then Nicole moves quickly. 

“What the fuck? Please tell me you didn’t steal my dad’s car. I can’t stop Nedley from arresting you dude.” Nicole pops her head in the car to look around for any traces of her father also being there. 

There isn’t any. She’s not sure if she’s relieved or not. 

“Nah, I didn’t steal it. Your dad said he wanted you to be in a safe vehicle if I was going to drive you long distance.” Wynonna explains, the grin on her face wider than it’s been in a while. 

“Hop in young one.”

Still confused, Nicole listens anyways and gets in. The car is clean but not clean enough that Nicole would believe it was her dad’s. Wynonna had obviously broken in the car, considering when Nicole got in it was filled with candy wrappers and empty packs of cigarettes. 

Instead of mentioning the mess, Nicole finds some candy that hasn’t been eaten yet and pops it in her mouth. 

“Where are we going?” She asks. 

“I figured you might want to come pick Waverly up from her aunt’s with me.” Wynonna replies.

Nicole thinks about it for a moment. “That’s an hour drive there and back.”

Wynonna starts the engine and drives out of the parking lot. They immediately get caught in traffic. Okay, so maybe it might be over an hour. Whatever. She isn’t about to start complaining about going road tripping with her friend- crush? 

Yeah. 

Crush. Nicole should get used to referring to Wynonna as that. Maybe work up the nerve to tell Waverly, definitely Jeremy.

“Exactly why I need you to keep me company, Haught.” Wynonna says and begins speaking again before Nicole has time to stammer. 

“Plus I get to introduce you to some good music. Here.” She continues, tapping the glove compartment. 

Nicole opens it and a ton of CDs flood out onto her lap and the floor. Among the CDs are a few mixtapes marked W.E with numbers next to the initials. She collects the tapes one by one and shoves the rest of the CDs (which are probably her dad’s) back into the glove compartment. 

Two of the tapes are stuck together and when Nicole pries them apart a melted piece of taffy is smashed between them. She glances at Wynonna who simply shrugs unapologetically. Nicole drops the two - honestly, what the fuck does Wynonna do with taffy - and starts playing the first tape.

“Mixtapes, Wynonna? Really? It isn’t the ‘80s, you know.” Nicole comments. 

She rolls her eyes when Livin’ On A Prayer starts blaring from the car - she has heard Wynonna play this song a thousand times without the trouble of bringing along a set of tapes.

“I had to take advantage of the speakers.” She hits the dashboard then turns the volume up enough. Nicole hadn’t thought it could get any louder. 

“Hey, uh.” Nicole says, hoping she sounds casual. “Would you maybe want to come to this dinner I’m having with my family? Mom included.” 

Wynonna pauses, thinks it over slowly as she bites her lip. “Sure. Could be fun, I’ve never met Momma Haught.”

Nicole lets out a breath she hadn’t known she had been holding. Relief pours out of her the same way those CDs had come out of the compartment. She’ll invite Waverly too when they see her in… however long it takes. 

Again, she should be complaining. This song would sound better coming from Spotify then it would from a tape and the car already reeks, plus the ride was going to be pretty long. Also it’s a Tuesday, it’s nearing dinner time, she hasn’t eaten or finished her math homework. There’s still time to hop out of the car. 

But it’s Wynonna. Wynonna fucking Earp. 

So when Nicole turns, trying to mutter a protest, her eyes get caught on that grin and those dimples. She watches Wynonna nod along to the music and sing every lyric the way she does every time, fingers drumming on the steering wheel.

Wynonna makes her crumble all over again. It keeps happening, a never ending loop. She grins, Nicole swoons. Wynonna breaks her the same way her favorite song on repeat would, she cracks her then fills her with gold by saying a simple joke (most of the time it isn’t even funny, Nicole is just whipped). 

“You better buy me a Snickers.” Nicole tells her. The city streets and skyscrapers begin to turn into smaller buildings and large plains of grass. 

Nicole glances at her and Wynonna nods at the request, looking amused.

—-

The night of the dinner Nicole and her family are standing outside of Fresco’s in the cold waiting for their table to be called. They’re five minutes early and for the last minute or so Nedley has been trying to distract Nicole by telling lame jokes, but nothing has taken her eyes off her step-sister. 

Apparently, she turned three last month and waddles around clutching a sippy cup while mumbling things about being hungry. At least that’s all Nicole knows about her. Oh, and they share the same hair color. Nothing else about them is similar as far as Nicole can see but who knows? 

Maybe the kid will grow up with mommy issues and a fear of confrontation too. Throw in a few panic attacks then we’re one in the same, Nicole thinks to herself. She sighs and bites her nail immediately after, knowing she shouldn’t think like that.

Her sibling is just a toddler. Still, hatred sparks deep in Nicole’s mind every time she sees her mother fondle over the kid - Chrissy, her name is Chrissy - the same way she should’ve done with her. 

“When do you think the Earps are getting here?” Nicole cuts Nedley off in the middle of his punchline. 

His smile drops a little and Nicole is too nervous to feel bad or dwell on it. He stays silent but points at a nearby taxi that the Earps are climbing out of. First Waverly, all pretty in blue, followed by Wynonna and then Gus. 

“Hey, Waves!” Nicole calls, waving her arms. 

Waverly runs as fast as she can in her dress shoes to Nicole and hugs her, leaving the rest of her family behind. They hold the hug for a few seconds until Nicole feels as if she can’t breathe, then Waverly pulls away. 

“I’m so fudging hungry.” Waverly whispers. Nicole giggles at her fake version of cursing. 

“Same.” She replies and looks past her best friend at Wynonna.

Wynonna, who’s never looked more gorgeous in a tight black dress. The nerves in the pit of her stomach only grow. She’s probably staring and Nicole has never done that in front of her family before. She shouldn’t make a habit of it.

“Hey Earp. New haircut?” Nicole greets Wynonna. Waverly walks off to go talk to Nedley.

“Unfortunately.”

Every month or two Gus makes Wynonna get it cut. For about a week it looks too neat, too clean for it to be Wynonna’s hair. It’s almost like seeing a dog without a collar. 

For some unknown reason, on the night when she should be a tall ball of anxiety and nerves, Nicole suddenly feels brave. She reaches out, rolls one of the dark curls around her finger, and tugs gently. 

“Too bad. I liked it better long.” Nicole says. Her voice is quiet as if the admission is a secret. 

Wynonna goes red instantly, starts patting down her dress as if looking for a cigarette as Nicole pulls her finger away. She takes a step back and drags a hand through her brown hair so it looks a bit more unruly. 

“I- um.” For a moment Wynonna looks like she’s going to say something - maybe thank you - but decides against it.

“You ready to do this thing?” She asks instead. 

“No.” 

Wynonna forced a chuckle and took Nicole’s hand in hers - Wynonna’s palm was much warmer than usual, but it wasn’t like Nicole minded much. 

“I’ve got you, Haught.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit longer than I planned but I hope you all liked it! I’m just siked that I updated twice in a week


	8. Make Your Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nicole’s dad spends large sums of money on things they do not need (seriously Paul and Nedley would get along well in the show with how much money Nedley spends on Nicole’s new uniforms).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda just a filler but like, you can’t tell me Nicole didn’t play basketball when she was young and that Wynonna didn’t want a motorcycle

Sixth grade seemed to be the year of impulsive decisions for Nicole and everyone around her. For a while everything Nicole had been told about hormones and angry preteens seemed fake, then middle school happened. Everyone got crazy. Including Waverly - who melted into a puddle of blushes and giggles around basically every boy but Jeremy - and her dad, who thought it would be a great idea to spend a shit ton of money on a beach house.

She isn’t sure why they would ever go to the beach of all places. Besides, Nicole doesn’t do well with sun. Both Purgatory and New York City are cold so she’s used to being bundled under layers of jackets, still shivering and liking it too. Paul spent money on it and several bathing suits for Nicole too, so apparently they have to spend time in it. 

“Your mother and I think it would be a good idea for you to spend meet some new people. Hang out with your sister, maybe you have things in common.” Her dad says. 

Nicole sighs, picking at the hem of her shorts. “Chrissy is four. I doubt we have much in common.”

The school comes into her view, not so far off in the distance and lit up for the game that night. Everyone had always asked if Nicole played basketball due to her height and lately she’s been proud to say that she does. At first the sport had only been something her dad forced her to do, claiming she didn’t get enough exercise. She hated it for a long while. 

Being in the spotlight wasn’t fun and neither was waiting out in the rain after practices for her parents to come get her. Wynonna had offered to pick her up but she didn’t have a car and Nicole didn’t want to be a bother. So most of the time she’d end up sitting in the back of her dad’s car while his secretary drove or sharing a space with Chrissy. Sometimes if she could find coins from in her pockets she’d collect enough spare change to pay for a taxi. 

Basketball was more of a depressing chore than a sport. Then Shae started showing up to practices and Nicole grew to love the competition again. The feeling of accomplishment she got when she would finally returned home, warm and tired, was worth the long waits outside. It was nice to go out and win even if at first it was only to piss off Shae - which probably shouldn’t have been a reason to do it at all, considering they were on the same team. 

“You’ve just had the same friends since kindergarten sweetie, we’re worried.” Paul went on. Nicole had forgotten he was talking. 

“What can I say? They’re quality friends.” She replies, but that obviously isn’t the answer her dad had been expecting. “And I haven’t known Jeremy since kindergarten.” 

Nicole climbs out of the car the second it rolls to a stop. Lately she hasn’t been in the mood to talk to her parents at all. A lot of the time she’s just angry at them for existing. Some would say that it’s because of some good old fashion soon-to-be teenage hormones, but Nicole would say it’s because most of the time her parents are passive aggressive assholes. 

The bag on her shoulder buzzes just as she sees Shae and a car door slams behind her. Nicole digs through her bag until she finds her phone at the bottom of it. There’s one notification on Snapchat from ‘motherfuckingwynonna’ so Nicole opens it, and when she does she can’t help but smile at the fire emoji next to their conversation. Not that she cares very much about the fire emoji, but it signifies that they’ve texted everyday for almost a year.

They don’t even have streaks on purpose, Wynonna sends her random jokes - most of them are crude or pictures of buildings that kind of look like huge dicks - and Nicole sends dumb memes back. She’s expecting to see something inappropriate when she opens the photo but all that’s there is a picture of the school sign and their car parked in the dim lighting. 

Nicole looks around for a second for Wynonna, who hadn’t mentioned she was coming. She can’t find her and doesn’t have much time to search since Shae comes up to her a second later.

“Dude come on, we have to get in there early.” Shae says. 

“But-“ 

She’s just heading into the gym with the rest of the team when Nicole spots a flickering flame in the shadows. Cigarette smoke fills her nose and it’s so familiar she turns to it instantly. 

“Wynonna?” 

Wynonna grins, smoke flooding out from between her lips. “Hey Haught.”

Shae probably got dragged into the crowd along with the rest of her time. Nicole isn’t even sure where her dad is anymore (though she should probably find him later since he’s her ride). It’s kind of ridiculous how easily Wynonna wipes her mind of all other thoughts. 

“Y-You’re here.” Nicole says. Shit, why is she stuttering? 

Before Wynonna has a chance to answer Nicole hears her name being called, but not from the gym. She sighs, realizing it’s her father. The sound of him yelling is so sudden and jarring, similar to the feeling of hearing a loud noise right outside your door in the middle of the night.

“You smoke?” Paul asks upon arrival and Nicole feels his hands clasp around her shoulders, preventing her from moving further to Wynonna. 

“I’m eighteen.” Is Wynonna’s answer. 

It’s tense for just a second, the dislike clear between them. Then Nicole surges forward and throws her arms around Wynonna’s waist. The hand that isn’t holding a cigarette wraps tightly around Nicole. Wynonna is probably the tallest she’s ever going to be, so the side of Nicole’s face presses into her collarbone. 

“I can’t believe you came.” She breathes. While Nicole is warm Wynonna is cold, making the press of her skin more present. 

“Of course I did Haught Stuff, I’m gonna be there cheering you on with an obnoxious sign and everything.” 

(For a moment Nicole thinks she might actually pass out.)

Paul clears his throat uncomfortably. “We’re going to be late, Nicky.” 

Wynonna gives one final squeeze and kisses her forehead - all of which brings a serious blush to Nicole’s cheeks - before letting her go.

—-

Nicole scowled, looking down at the unicorn she’d been sketching. She was drawing it for Waverly so it had to be perfect - she wanted to show her best friend some of her drawings but it’d be creepy to show Waverly pictures of her sister - but nothing was going right. It felt like she’d hit the fuck up button and left it on repeat. In her mind all of her flaws were highlighted on that paper and it seemed nothing could change that. 

“That’s pretty cool.” Wynonna comments, leaning against the desk. Nicole quickly glances at where the wood meets Wynonna’s hip and then up to her grin.

Suddenly the drawing doesn’t seem so bad. She should move on to coloring it.

“You know, you do this a lot Haught.” She pokes the corner of the paper twice with one finger. 

Of course she wasn’t surprised Wynonna knew about her drawings - she always did it in front of Wynonna during rehearsals - Nicole just hoped she didn’t know about the ones of her. 

Looking between the drawing and Wynonna’s face, Nicole is struck with a wave of nostalgia. She remembers being younger and telling Wynonna how she wanted to be an artist, enjoying smearing face paint across the older girl’s cheeks, and hiding behind a coloring book the first time she met Waverly. It seems for Nicole, art has always been there.

A magazine drops on the desk in front of her, covering the drawing. “Here, Haught Shit.” 

The magazine is open to a page with a black motorcycle on it. Nicole doesn’t know much about most vehicles, but it looks like something she’d see a guy riding in an action movie. Except there isn’t a man on the motorcycle, instead there’s a blonde girl in a bikini - though she’s not sure if it can even be called that, it’s basically two slightly large pieces of floss.

Nicole glances away. She hates when her attraction extends past Wynonna, it makes her stomach hurt. At least she knows when Wynonna breaks her heart she’ll do it gently.

“It’s cool.” She says.

“It’s awesome. To be exact, it’s five hundred dollars worth of awesome- I can’t afford it. A girl can dream, though.” Wynonna plops down on the couch behind them. 

Spinning around in the chair, Nicole faces Wynonna once again. She knows Wynonna is drunk since her drumming had gotten sloppy within the last hour and she’s sprawled out on the couch with her mouth open, clearly ready for a nap. So no more conversations then. 

Still, Nicole thinks Wynonna is pretty even when she does that odd sleep purring thing. She’s thinking about drawing her but now there’s also another thought in her mind. If Wynonna has something she wants, Nicole should help her get it.

—-

Since the Earps are the Earps and Nicole is Nicole, over Spring Break everyone ends up coming on the trip up to the beach house. They have to rent an actual bus because everyone includes all the kids and their concerned parents. Also, since Waverly is Waverly somehow Shae gets to come on the trip too. So even with the extra car room, things are insanely crowded.

Paul drives and complains the whole time. It seems there’s an endless amount of things for him to say. The bus was super expensive (they all could’ve gone in different cars), there’s too many people (Nicole hadn’t wanted to come at all), and there’s no reason for Wynonna to be there. That last one Nicole can’t think of an excuse for. 

She’d come up with some flimsy excuse about how the college Wynonna is going to is kind of close to the beach house and it would be nice for her to come check out the area. Possibly the only good thing about their new vacation spot is that Nicole can lie about wanting to come just so she can visit Wynonna at college. 

After a brief stop at a gas station to fill up on snacks, everyone breaks off into groups. Paul and Nedley sit in the very front while the rest of the adults gather in the middle of the bus. Nicole can sense the awkwardness even though she sits away from them.

It’s odd. Their kids have spent so much time together but they haven’t with each other. There’s been little to no reason for Shae’s parents to speak to Jeremy’s and Gus looks like she already hates Nicole’s mom - she’d probably heard bad things coming from Nedley. Eventually they settle into a conversation about some crappy teacher at the school and everyone seems to be laughing except for Jeremy’s father. 

He sits, frowning and completely silent, with his gut jutting out and a beer in hand. Nicole instantly dislikes him and not only because he’d indirectly stolen Wynonna’s drink. 

All of the kids wander off into the back of the bus. They whisper amongst themselves, keeping their voices down since adults and Chrissy are in there with them. Nicole even finds herself laughing at some of Jeremy’s lame nerd jokes and glancing fondly over at Chrissy whenever she giggles at something passing in the window. 

Still, she can’t stop herself from looking at Wynonna every few minutes. Wynonna should look out of place considering her age, stuck between being not a kid but not old enough to be accepted by the adults. Key word: should. She has a row of seats to herself and sits in them like they’re her throne, eyes shut as music plays out of her headphones. 

If Nicole listens closely she can hear the faint sound of some ‘80s rock song from one of the tapes. It’s weird Nicole payed so much attention to her in that moment because for those hours basically all Wynonna was to her was a leather clad, bouncing knee, but she couldn’t help it. 

She never had much self control with Wynonna. Like how Waverly apparently doesn’t have self control when she wants something.

“Room overlooking the beach, definitely mine. No one fight me on this.” Waverly immediately blurts when they step out of the bus. 

Everyone rolls their eyes but don’t say anything to protest. They’re too busy focusing on the beach house. It’s taller than Nicole expected, not very wide but there’s three stories and a good chunk of sand, ocean, and porch to hang out on. The entire place is painted light blue on the outside but it’s all white on the inside. 

Everything looks untouched and new, like it was a package someone had just pulled the plastic off of. Still it’s really nice, the furniture is golden and the television is bigger than any version she has seen in person. The best part is the few glass walls that let the sun in and give a good view of the sea. This is only the third time Nicole has ever seen the ocean outside of a photo. 

“Holy shit.” Wynonna breathes. Their arms brush as they both stare out at the beach in awe. 

“Exactly what I was thinking.” Nicole says. 

Gus suggests the kids (I’m not a kid, Wynonna complains) go up and pick what room they want. All of the adults except for Nicole’s dad haul bags into the beach house. Paul follows the children upstairs to the third floor and takes out his phone, where he already has a room placement chart set up. 

“So Nedley and I will be in a room, Steph and Gus in another, then the rest of the couples can pair off. Siblings with each other. Jeremy and Shae will have to stay with their parents since we don’t have enough rooms.” He reads off the chart. 

Everyone nods except for Nicole. “Siblings? As in me and Chrissy? Dad, she still wets the bed.”

Paul frowns then scrambles, looking panicked as he frantically tries to come up with another plan. In the back of her mind Nicole knows he’s scared she’ll end up rooming with Wynonna, but the front of her mind is a twelve year old that doesn’t want to spend a lot of time with her step-sister. 

“I don’t mind sharing the room with Chrissy. She’s cute.” Waverly pipes up. All the kids nod, Paul still looks anxious and Wynonna suddenly looks smug.

“Guess I’m rooming with Miss Haught over here.” She uses the fabric of Nicole’s shirt to pull her into her side. 

They’ve hugged many times before but not usually in front of her father and not usually after Wynonna uses that ‘I just won’ tone of voice. Again, Nicole is confused- what is Wynonna winning? Why’s her dad on the verge of losing it? 

She doesn’t have much time to figure it all out. Wynonna practically drags her into the room next to Waverly’s and plops down on one of the beds. Nicole barely has a second to grab her bag before she’s falling onto the bed with Wynonna, narrowly missing her legs. 

“Oh um. There’s bathrooms to change in by the way.” Paul stands in the doorway, clearly wanting to speak but not having much to say. 

“Okay. Thanks dad.” Nicole waits for him to leave and he does after a solid minute. 

They wait for the sound of his footsteps heading down the stairs to become quiet thumps, then Wynonna turns her head and looks at Nicole. They’re so close it makes Nicole feel as if her head could explode any second. She wonders if Wynonna is thinking the same things as her but then she’s reminded that even if they were the same age, Wynonna would still be straight. 

That, as Waverly would put it, sucks donkey balls. (Yeah, okay so Waverly has had better sayings, whatever.)

“That thing with your dad was kind of weird.” Wynonna points out. 

Nicole shrugs in response. “Just wait, weird becomes the new normal.”

—-

The sun beats down so hard on Nicole that her skin is already a light pink even though she had stepped outside only a few minutes ago. Jeremy, Waverly, and Shae had ran into the ocean and started splashing each other while Wynonna and Nicole stood on the beach. She planned to join them in a moment but first, she needed to help Wynonna with putting on sunscreen.

“You can stop, I’m fine.” Wynonna tries and fails to wiggle out of Nicole’s grasp.

“You’re paler than a ghost and you’re going to burn.” She replies, squirting some sunscreen into her hands before rubbing them up and down Wynonna’s arms.

The bottle was half empty already. While all the other girls wore bikinis Paul had scooped Nicole up last minute and slathered her in sunscreen before giving her board shorts and a swim shirt. She felt far too warm in the outfit but her father wouldn’t let her change. Even Jeremy had his shirt off, it was ridiculous. 

“Damn Waverly and her ability to tan.” Wynonna muttered then relaxed, letting Nicole rub the stuff into her skin. 

Before Wynonna had her arms low and crossed right in front of her hips, so when she dropped them Nicole’s eyes followed the motion. She paused and Wynonna, instantly noticing her mistake, tried to cover herself again. 

“Is that a tattoo?” Nicole grabbed Wynonna’s wrist, too surprised to wonder when she’d gotten so bold.

“Possibly.” 

Nicole stared at it, reading the three words over and over again and trying to think of how they applied to Wynonna. Suddenly Gus wandered off the porch, glass of lemonade in hand as she approached the two girls.

“There’s my girl, making sure Wynonna doesn’t burn her ass off. What would we do without you Nicole?” Gus teases.

Wynonna looks at her, eyes wider than Nicole has ever seen them. She releases her wrist and slaps her hand over the tattoo, moving her thumb so it looks like she’s rubbing in sunscreen. 

“Probably burn your asses off.” Nicole replies, smiling. Gus laughs and walks towards the water.

When did she get so good at lying? 

Is that a good thing, that she’s good at a bad thing? Fuck, she’s not even a teenager yet and things are so confusing.

“Haught Damn. You saved me.” Wynonna says. She practically beams at her then leans over to press a quick kiss to Nicole’s forehead. 

(Nicole is just glad she can blame the redness of her skin on the sun.)

She moves her hand away and inspects the tattoo again. “I like it.”

It was true that a lot of tattoos were stupid or turned out ugly, but not Wynonna’s. At this point Nicole had convinced herself there we no ugly parts of the older girl’s body. Even with the writing clearly new and slightly red around the edges, the ink still seemed to sink into Wynonna’s skin like it had always been there. Right above her hipbone were the words: make your peace.

Almost as natural as a birthmark.


	9. Every Breath You Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna goes off to college, Waverly is clueless, and Nicole continues to be a softy for pretty girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of shorter than usual and kind of a filler, but the next few chapters are gonna be much more interesting.

The week following Nicole’s thirteenth birthday is… interesting.

It’s not like her personality suddenly shifted the moment midnight came. Everyone put a lot of pressure on this one birthday, the marking of the start of her being a teenager. It was already getting to her head. Just yesterday she was twelve and now she’s a teen. There goes her childhood. 

Her kitchen suddenly becomes the kitchen she had cried in years ago when accepting her parents divorce. The classroom she sits in becomes the classroom where she felt truly afraid for the first time because Jeremy had stumbled over his words and called her not normal. Gummy bears turn into this big metaphor for her youth, she spends about ten minutes just standing in front of the cupboard staring at a bag of them and thinking.

The worst part of it all is she can’t be sure if her feelings are real or if they’re just hormones that she won’t care so deeply about in a week or two

Possibly the only thing that’s constant is her need to see Wynonna. It’s been about a year since Wynonna left for college and Nicole has gone from seeing her everyday to seeing her once every two months and on holidays. If Waverly mentions that Wynonna is coming for a visit Nicole is always sure to schedule a sleepover at the same, only feeling a little guilty about her ulterior motive. She just misses Wynonna so much, seems she can’t help not to.

They text occasionally, Nicole tells her to eat something other than Ramen noodles and Wynonna tells her she’ll be sure to also eat the flavor packs (she isn’t sure if Wynonna is kidding or not). Still, it isn’t the same as swapping jokes face to face. 

The last moments they spent together - the last real moments, Nicole doesn’t count the ten minutes she helped Wynonna find her beanies when she was packing for college - were at the beach house. They’d visited it a third time just before Wynonna left, that time only Nicole and the Earps had come with. They had spent most of their time on the beach but on the last night of their stay, they’d all sat together on the couch and watched sitcoms. 

Nicole remembers how Waverly had mumbled something about a major sugar high before falling asleep with half of her body sprawled on the floor. She remembers more how she had sat there for the rest of the night, wide awake even as Wynonna fell asleep, and went breathless whenever Wynonna’s shoulders would gently brush her forearm. 

That night she had prayed Wynonna would fall a little closer or wake up enough to hug Nicole the way she usually would- but maybe that wanting was all hormones too. 

So she can’t be sure of anything, but she knows this: her mind buzzes with excitement on days Wynonna is there and turns hopelessly desperate on days when she isn’t.

—-

“We can go over to your place instead, if you want. My sister is coming back so the apartment is going to be crowded.” Waverly says, shutting her locker.

Nicole quickly looks up from her phone. She has a Tumblr account now, the only way she can describe her liking for girls is by typing out ‘schdushdhjsks’ and Tumblr seems to be the only app that can decode that message. 

“Which sister?” 

Waverly shrugs and checks her own phone. “I think both. Definitely Wynonna since she’s texting me about stocking up on something called… Chester’s Mega Cheesy Pops? Aren’t those dog treats?” 

“Yeah they are. I’ll come with you to pick them up.” Nicole replies, smiling a bit too hard at the thought of a woman who eats dog food. 

Her mind runs a mental checklist of all the things she needs to do: clean her ears, buy movies and grape soda, fucking learn how to calm down when around her best friend’s older sister. 

Right now her legs are burning from hours of basketball practice and she’s positive her brain is broken from when Chrissy had screamed - just to entertain herself, you know normal annoying little sister things - for several hours the night before. She’s so glad when Waverly lets her lean against her side as they walk out of school that she could kiss her, but Nicole won’t because someone would immediately call her a homo. 

Middle school sucks like that. She hopes life doesn’t suck like that. 

They make it out of school and halfway down the steps, only seconds into Waverly’s daily complaining of how bad Nicole smells after practice, before someone stops them.

“Uh, Nicole. Wait!” A voice calls. Nicole tries not to groan at whoever it is.

Thankfully it’s only Shae. 

Knowing whatever she wants won’t take long, Nicole climbs a few stairs up to stand in front of the shorter girl. Shae does this awkward sway that Nicole has seen her do a thousand times before. She keeps moving back and forth over and over, so Nicole waits patiently - it usually stops after less than a minute.

“I was wondering if you, maybe, wanted to come over this weekend? My family is moving into a new apartment and Waverly mentioned you’re good at building IKEA furniture.” Shae explains. 

Nicole glances at her best friend, who’s standing a few steps down and avoiding Nicole’s eyes, then back at Shae. She would normally say hell no but she’s caught between the thought of pleasing Waverly and Shae’s nervous lip biting. Plus, she’s a softy for pretty girls and as much as Nicole hates to admit it, Shae is kind of pretty.

“Okay. Text me your address then.” Nicole says. She takes a small step back when Shae beams up at her, much too happy to be spending a Saturday with her (former?) enemy. 

“Cool. It’s a date.” 

Nicole nods and hops down the stairs after Waverly, ignoring how nervous Shae’s words make her feel.

They go to Jolene’s, a small bakery that also sells boxes of random beverages and packaged foods. Nicole isn’t sure if they’ll have dog food but it’s the closest store to where they are and Wynonna spends a lot of time there, so they must have something.

“I can’t believe my sister eats dog food.” Waverly says, inspecting a bag of the stuff in one of the aisles.

“Really? Because I’m not surprised at all.” Nicole jokes. She grins and Waverly links their arms together.

“Hey, do you think I can come over this weekend?”

“Yeah.” Waverly replies. “Just not on Saturday, the whole family is coming to our apartment for dinner. Gus says she has news.”

Nicole nods and nudges Waverly’s side. “Maybe she’s engaged.”

“Maybe.”

They turn right and go down into the next aisle (really it’s just boxes and boxes of Japanese candies that no one had bought, lined to make little rows) where the grape soda is. Nicole grabs a six pack and they head up to the counter where Waverly contemplates buying some chocolate chip cookies.

The whole time Waverly speaks aloud to herself and occasionally Jolene - but come on, Nicole knows Waverly is going to buy the cookies because Waverly is Waverly. Nicole finds herself standing there silently, looking at her best friend and trying to figure out some stuff herself. 

She’s been doing this a lot lately. She wants to come out but she’s also too hesitant and awkward to pull Waverly away and make a big deal about it. Her best shot is to drop it casually into conversation, like ‘hey Waves that door swings the other way and so do I’. 

It’s not as if she can just blurt out that she’s gay. Or can she? 

“Ready to go?” Waverly turns towards her, bag of cookies in hand.

Nicole fiddles with the plastic rings around the soda cans. “Yeah.”

—-

When Nicole steps into Shae’s new apartment on Saturday she feels more nervous than she should reasonably. Then again, when has her anxiety ever been reasonable?

“Hey.” 

“Hi.” Shae replies. The smile Shae gives her from over a box marked ‘silverware’ is so bright and happy it immediately reminds Nicole of Waverly.

Nicole follows Shae through the different rooms. Each one is devoid of any color but white and brown from the stacks of cardboard boxes. There’s no signs of her parents and the room is hot yet there’s blowing fans placed everywhere, so Nicole assumes there must be something up with the air conditioning.

They step into a room down the wall that has a bed with purple pillows, sheets, and blankets. 

“I assume this room is yours.” She taps the edge of one of the pillows. Shae nods.

“Yeah. Purple is kind of my signature color.” 

“I noticed.” Nicole comments, making Shae grin.

Call her weak or whipped or whatever, but every time Shae smiles Nicole turns into an obedient puddle. She doesn’t even have a crush on Shae, Nicole isn’t even sure if she actually likes her, but there’s something about those toothy smiles that makes Nicole soft. 

Seriously, she’s here on the weekend in a hot ass apartment to help a girl unpack all because of smiles and batting eyelashes.

“What do you want me to start on?” Nicole asks. Shae looks around her room for a bit before picking up a box in the corner and placing it on the bed.

She opens the box and pulls something folded out, hands it to Nicole. “They’re posters. Can you put them up along the walls?”

“Yeah.”

They fall into a quiet rhythm. Shae unpacks photos and little knick knacks to put on her nightstand and the dresser while Nicole sticks posters to walls. There’s a lot of band posters, ones Waverly would know and Nicole probably would to if her music taste didn’t live somewhere in the ‘80s and ‘90s with Wynonna. 

Surprisingly, Nicole and Shae work well together. It’s kind of the same as basketball practice without the hoops and occasional less-than-friendly chucking of balls at each other. 

After an hour or so, they’re almost done with the room and Shae offers to make them bologna sandwiches. They’re about to go to the kitchen but then a door opens then shuts in another room and the familiar noise of two sisters bickering fills Nicole’s ears. 

“You invited Wynonna?” She questions. Nicole hadn’t thought Shae had ever even had a conversation with any of Waverly’s sister.

“I invited Waverly.”

The Earps come through the doorway, both of them whisper-arguing with each other until they see Nicole and Shae. 

“The hot one is here to see the Haught one!” Wynonna announces, then grins when her eyes land on Nicole. 

Nicole blushes, she hates to admit it but she had totally missed Wynonna’s lame puns. 

“Looks like you two have been going at it.” Waverly comments, nodding at the posters on the wall. 

Nicole is suddenly aware of how close she’s standing to Shae, especially in front of Wynonna. She takes a large step back towards the boxes and casually (at least she hopes it seems casual) opens one.

—-

The call that comes at three in the morning is unexpected. Her phone goes off, the ringtone familiar and so quiet Nicole wouldn’t have noticed it if she wasn’t already awake at the time. She stops in her tracks, halfway to the bathroom, and checks to see who’s calling. 

What the hell does Wynonna want in the middle of the night? 

“Wynonna?” 

“Oh, good you picked up. Look it’s Waverly- I’m outside your apartment and I have Wynonna and the dinner went wrong and I just… didn’t know what to do but you’re in her favorites list, so.” All of Waverly’s words come out in a rush, Nicole can barely piece together what she’s saying. 

After a second or two Nicole steps out into the hall and carefully goes towards her living room. Had Waverly said she was outside with Wynonna? There’s faint noises coming from the phone but Nicole can hear them louder from just outside her door. She hangs up and opens the door.

“Hi. How’s your night going?” Waverly asks. Nicole gapes at the two sisters, carefully looking between them.

They’ve been friends for long enough that Nicole can tell when Waverly’s a wreck. She’s jumpy, too hyper for this time of night. She keeps fiddling with the loose threads on the edges of Wynonna’s shirt, pulling them out over and over again even though a new thread is just left in the old ones place. Her eyes mimic a fly caught in a jar, they flash to the right and then the left of Nicole repeatedly like there’s something right behind her.

While Waverly is more awake than ever, Wynonna looks to be completely unconscious. She’s not even clinging to Waverly, instead Wynonna is simply slumping into her sister’s side. Her eyes are shut and the curve of her back is the same shape as a banana but the worst part of it all is how sickly pale Wynonna looks. 

“Can I come in?” Waverly looks as if she might accidentally drop Wynonna at any minute. 

Nicole nods and moves so they can enter. “Okay but you have to be quiet, my dad is sleeping.” 

She has a thousand questions - starting with what’s wrong with Wynonna - that she can’t ask because if her father were to wake up, Nicole isn’t sure what he would do. Part of her knows exactly what’s wrong with Wynonna. When she goes to help carry her, the smell that invades her nose isn’t leather or detergent or even smoke- it’s pure alcohol.

It’s so overwhelming she wants to gag, but Nicole doesn’t. She stays silent until they reach her room and shut the door. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Nicole asks. They drop Wynonna on the bed. 

“I don’t know. We were at the dinner and Gus let her drink a little champagne, not enough to get like this.” 

Nicole reaches out and gently pokes Wynonna’s arm but she doesn’t react at all, stays as limp as all the blankets draped over the bed. She kind of expected this. Wynonna had been good for a while so some kind of downfall had to come. It’s always like that with Wynonna.

Some days she looks like she’s on the top of the world and other times it looks as if she’s been pushed off that world and is falling far off into the galaxy with no one to catch her.

“Willa started acting like a bitch, Gus told me to go to my room, and then Wynonna came in hours later and puked everywhere.” Waverly explains with more concern than disgust.

“Well, maybe she was drunk before dinner started.” Nicole suggests. “She was acting kind of odd at Shae’s place.”

Waverly suddenly looks so exhausted when Nicole glances at her. She sways slightly back in forth, hands pressed against her face to try to keep herself awake. It’s only then that Nicole notices it seems as if Waverly has been crying. 

She reaches out and gently pushes her onto the bed. Waverly falls down easily enough, climbs up the side of the bed that Wynonna isn’t on and steals one of Nicole’s pillows. Nicole likes helping people, she doesn’t mind - her best friend looks so small and surprisingly so does Wynonna, it kind of worries her.

They go back to silence. Nicole turns Wynonna on her side - they’d learned in class about drugs and alcohol and making sure your friend doesn’t choke on their own vomit - and crawls on the bed between the two sisters. 

“Thank you.” Waverly whispers, borderline asleep.

Nicole presses her hand against Wynonna’s back and feels it move slowly every time she takes a breath. (She’ll continue to do this for the rest of the night, barely catching any sleep to make sure Wynonna’s breathing stays normal until morning.)

“No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do y’all think of Shae?


	10. You Should Know By Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That one chapter where Nicole is an awkward teen that needs to get it together and steal some of Shae’s confidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have y’all seen the promo for the next episode? Nicole and Wynonna handcuffed together? Sign me uppppp

That night, Nicole had thought to herself that Wynonna could not possibly get any more fucked up then that. She knew there was always more alcohol to drink and hard drugs to experiment with, but some childish part of her mind painted angel wings on Wynonna’s back and a halo over her head. Nicole believed Wynonna could do no wrong, until Wynonna’s occasional fuck ups become constant flaming balls of crap.

She didn’t get to hear all of it, since she got most of her bad Wynonna information from Waverly who got her info from Gus who censored out the worst of it. She got the watered down kid version of how Wynonna was doing and had to piece together her own conclusions. 

For instance, Waverly would give her a broken smile and mention that Wynonna was acting really cheery lately - which loosely translated to: Wynonna is drunk, and/or on drugs and is loopy so no one can visit her right now. 

No matter how crappy things got, Wynonna would always end up calling Nicole or slipping notes under her door (they were always singed W.E. which wasn’t incredibly helpful due to the sister’s shared initials, but Nicole assumed Waverly wouldn’t say the word ‘bumfuck’ ever) during holiday visits. 

(“Is Waverly still dating that asshole, Champ?” Wynonna asks one time over Skype. Nicole nods and watches Wynonna unhappily shove a Dorito into her mouth.

“Fuck. I hope that ends before you guys get out of high school.” 

“Ditto.” Nicole replies.

She has neglected homework out on her desk that had immediately seemed unimportant when Wynonna’s name had flashed on her computer screen. Now, she’s spent an hour just watching Wynonna munch on an endless list of random, unhealthy snacks. When Wynonna had called she’d asked if Nicole was busy and Nicole had said no, because Wynonna wasn’t busy either - they both just wanted to talk to each other.

“Is Waverly still dating that turdlet? What’s his name? Champ?” Wynonna asks again suddenly.

Nicole stares at the screen in confusion for a second, sure Wynonna just repeated herself, before pulling her face into a neutral expression. She does what she does to her one cousin with Alzheimer’s. She simply nods and repeats her answer, not letting herself look sad about the situation.)

Nicole isn’t sure if she should be glad about these notes and Skype calls she gets. The writing on the papers are so messy they’re almost unreadable and hearing Wynonna forget about what she’s saying in the middle of a sentence is worse when Nicole can see that distant look in her eye on the screen. None of their conversations are great but occasionally Wynonna will say something witty without thinking about it and it makes Nicole’s chest warm with hope.

Then she would end the call and go into her kitchen, where she would have to hear her father call Wynonna’s brain rotten, and the hope would die. Throughout this all, Nicole refuses to admit Wynonna was simply a screw up all by herself. 

No, to Nicole Wynonna would always be an angel stumbling through hell with only a leather jacket to protect her.

—-

Wynonna comes home and stays with her family for the summer, so Nicole starts seeing her often again. A lot of the time Wynonna is intoxicated somehow, but it’s more buzzed than drunk. Which is good. It’s improvement. Wynonna even gets a job at the movie theater down the block from Nicole’s apartment. 

“Hey dorkathon. Can I get two more slurpies?” Nicole asks, grinning as Wynonna rolls her eyes. 

Okay, so maybe she’s been taking advantage of this whole ‘my crush works super close to where I live and I have nothing better to do so I’m going to spend all my money here’ thing. A normal person would only visit once or twice a week to avoid suspicion, but half the summer has passed and Nicole has spent every day at the theater.

How could she not, especially when Wynonna has to wear a ridiculously dorky striped uniform and act super polite towards all the customers - including Nicole who keeps calling her a dork. 

“Two? Jesus, you must think you’re hot shit, Haught. You’re going to be bouncing off the walls when you get home.” Wynonna pauses before smirking and grabbing two of the largest plastic cups she can. “When you’re having that sugar high, don’t forget to mention to Paul that Wynonna says he can go screw himself.” 

Nicole has to stop herself from snorting from laughing too hard (god, she’s in deep). 

“Will do.” 

While Wynonna goes to go fill the cups with cold, sugary slush, Nicole turns and looks around the theater. She’s supposed to be seeing some shark movie right now - the tickets are still crammed in her jean pocket - but after the fifth time she came out to grab another not-really-needed napkin from Wynonna’s counter, Wynonna had told her to just stay. So she did, long enough that everyone left that shark movie and a new crowd came in to see the next viewing.

It’s been hours and yet Wynonna hasn’t asked if Nicole has anything better to do. She isn’t allowed to come behind the counter and Wynonna isn’t allowed to leave it until her lunch break. Nicole should probably be out enjoying the humidity and Wynonna should actually pay attention to the other customers, but they’re both neglecting the rest of the world.

That’s a little nice, isn’t it? Procrastinating together. This isn’t like a date or anything, considering Nicole is fourteen and Wynonna is twenty and she has to be here, but it’s still nice. 

Before Nicole has the time to think about it too much, Wynonna sets a red and a blue slushy on the counter separating them. She slides them over to Nicole without asking for any money in return. 

“Isn’t that your friend over there? The one in purple, I think I’ve met her.” Nicole slowly turns and glances over at where Wynonna is gesturing.

The one in purple is Shae, as always. She’s alone for whatever reason - probably came to see a movie like a normal person and not fondle over Wynonna like a creeper - and makes eye contact with Nicole easily enough. Nicole smiles politely back. 

She isn’t sure if they’re friends exactly. They have mediocre gaming sessions together. They play zombie games mostly, but they also sneak alcohol out of the fridge and silently eat trail mix or cautiously sip beer together until it gets dark. It’s not like it’s anything important, but Shae probably has a trash can full of Nicole’s leftover raisins (seriously, the raisins ruin the mix) and empty beer bottles. 

So yeah, Shae deserves a smile. Also giving her a slushy would probably be a nice thing to do.

“I’ll be right back.” Nicole tells Wynonna, grabbing the blue one off the counter. 

Wynonna looks a little surprised for a moment before she nods. “Okay. Don’t make purple.” 

It takes a second for that comment to sink in and when it does, Nicole scowls and her face heats more than she’d care to admit. Kissing - or making purple, as Wynonna had so delicately put it - Shae is the last thing on her mind. 

“Hey Nicole.” Shae greets, smiling way too hard. “Funny seeing you here.”

“I guess.” Nicole shrugs and hands her the slushy without saying anything more. She tries to be nice and all, but Shae says weird things like ‘funny seeing you here’ when Shae knows Nicole spends all her time watching movies. Even if she didn’t know, it wouldn’t be very funny to see her in a movie theater. 

Nicole scratches the nape of her neck. “Are you seeing the Footloose remake?” 

“Yeah. You?”

“I’m seeing Wynonna- you know Waverly’s older sister.” Nicole replies and instantly regrets it. 

It sounds weird. ‘Hi Shae, I’m just here to see a twenty year old woman who I shouldn’t give two shits about, it’s totally normal’. 

She waves her hand in Wynonna’s direction and instantly regrets that too, because Wynonna is straight up staring at them like they’re two animals in a zoo. Why is every move she makes as a teenager somehow instantly embarrassing? 

“That’s… cool. I guess.” Shae keeps smiling as she takes a sip. 

Girls are weird to Nicole. Girls are confusing. Why did she come over here? Why is she talking to herself? 

“Yeah. Things are cool.” Nicole says, just to fill the silence. 

“Yes, yes they are. Uh, have you seen the new Sharknado movie yet? Those are usually bad enough to be watchable.” 

“Nope. Haven’t seen it yet.” Nicole replies. It isn’t technically a lie.

She had actually come to see Sharknado but had ended up only seeing bits of people getting attacked by the shark tornado. The few scenes she had seen had her rolling her eyes at the stupidity of it all, but Shae was right. The movies were watchable. 

The sound of slurping fills her ears and Nicole looks down at Shae, who’s staring at her expectantly. She must’ve missed some sort of conversational cue. Nicole glances over at the gaudy Sharknado poster on the wall then at Shae, then at the poster, then at the straw from which Shae is so loudly sucking blue slush from. 

Wait. Does Shae want to…?

Oh.

She’s an idiot.

“Hey do you maybe want to go see Sha-“ Nicole has to stop herself from yelping when a random arm slings across the back of her shoulders.

The only reason she doesn’t kick some unknown ass or scream like her dad has told her to if someone grabs her is because she recognizes the striped material on the arm. She also knows the smell attached to it and the single brown curl she can see in the corner of her eye. Plus, no one else gets randomly touchy with her like Wynonna does. 

“Sorry Haught, I missed you. I just couldn’t resist all of this nerdy cuteness!” Wynonna might be shorter than Nicole, but she can still easily lift her up in her arms and sling her around like a rag doll.

“Holy shit- don’t fucking drop me Wynonna I swear to god.” 

Nicole’s only choice is to put her arms around Wynonna's shoulders and wrap her legs around Wynonna’s waist so she’s straddling her. For a second or two, Nicole’s cheek is pressed against the side of Wynonna’s neck and she can feel the thrum of her pulse. The position is weird - the whole day has been - and they’re so fucking close that Nicole forgets Shae is even there. 

She’s kind of ashamed with how desperately she clings to Wynonna. In public, too. She’s not a little kid anymore so this must look odd. Not that she’s going to let go or anything. 

“Chill. I’ve got you, smalls.” Wynonna whispers. Her voice is quiet for once, going from out of her mouth and right into Nicole’s ear. Nicole has a whole new definition of closeness now. 

It feels like Shae shouldn’t be standing there, but Nicole knows she is. She twists her head a little so she can actually see her, and Shae suddenly looks very out of place. 

Wynonna’s hands tighten on Nicole’s legs almost protectively. “So what were you talking about?” 

“Sharknado.” Shae replies. “I think Nicole was going to ask if-“ 

“If I could take her? Yeah, I’d love to.” Wynonna interrupts her. Nicole doesn’t say anything, she’d actually love to see the movie with Wynonna. 

Anyways, most of focus at the moment is trying to stop herself from nuzzling further into Wynonna’s body.

Shae sputters and says a few words Nicole doesn’t catch before sighing. “Aren’t you in college, Earp?” 

“It’s getting late. Don’t you have to get home, Mitchell?” 

If there’s tension, Nicole doesn’t notice. Her vision is blocked by Wynonna’s hair and her neck hurts from turning to try and look at Shae, so all she sees is Shae frown before disappearing completely. The faint noise of the doors to the theater closing comes a second later and Nicole thinks she hears Shae mutter a goodbye.

Well. That’s that.

“That was weird.” Nicole says. She feels Wynonna shrug.

“Don’t worry about it, Haught.” Wynonna carries her back over to the counter. “Hakuna Matata.” 

—-

Three days later, the phone rings and when Nicole picks up it’s Shae. Shae, who gets right to the point.

“Is Wynonna with you?”

“No.” Nicole replies, though she is going to head over to the theater to see her in a few minutes.

“Good. You want to go on a date?” 

Okay. Well. Uh. 

Those are the only three words Nicole’s mind can come up. It takes a second but eventually she can muster up a ‘what the fuck’ in her brain. 

“Uh-“

“It’s fine if you’re not… like that.” Shae’s voice gets a little softer, a little closer to the normal nervous tone she has. “I just kind of got a vibe and thought why not ask, I’m going to a different high school anyways.” 

Now, if Nicole had to describe the chaos that goes on in her mind in the following seconds, she would call it a clusterfuck of emotions. Wynonna would take it a bit farther and say that anxiety, shock, and anticipation are all having anal on her kitchen floor in front of her precious gummy bears.

First of all, vibe? What vibe? She puts out a vibe? 

Second of all, Shae is a girl asking Nicole on a date and Nicole likes girls and wants to date them, so why isn’t she immediately happy about this phone call? She just feels weird about it all, but it’s not as if she’s going to say no. As far as she knows, there isn’t any girls out there she knows that also like girls. This is her only chance.

“Yeah. Sure. Yeah. We can totally, uh, do something.” 

What a very lame answer coming from an even lamer teenager.

—-

It’s kind of funny how Wynonna and Nicole’s lives are never on the same page. Nicole is having a crappy time with her parents divorce, Wynonna is terrifying the locals. Wynonna is the sad type of wasted, Nicole is at home having a really nice nap. Sometimes Nicole thinks it’s amazing that the universe - metaphorically speaking, because she’s not twelve and she doesn’t believe in soulmates anymore - makes them do this push and pull thing.

Except it means that when she gets home from her first date with Shae, feeling happier than she ever has without an Earp’s help, Wynonna is slouched over in the living room on the couch, openly drinking whiskey. 

“Dude.” Nicole snatches the bottle out of her hands and sets it down on the coffee table. “That’s not legal- what if my dad came home.” 

Wynonna shrugs. “He’s at work and also, I’m twenty-one.”

“Twenty.” 

“Oh. Well. Still, a few more months and no one can take me away from all the booze in the world.” Wynonna grins at Nicole but she just frowns. It’s less amusing and more scary. 

Especially with how that one night Nicole hadn’t gotten any sleep over the thought of Wynonna dying has turned into a weekly thing. 

Nicole puts the whiskey back in the kitchen. She discovers two things. One, Wynonna ate all of the ice cream in the freezer. Two, there’s a note on the counter from her dad that says he won’t be back until tomorrow and she can buy a pizza for dinner with the money he left. She’s planning on skipping her last meal of the day in favor of pocketing thirty dollars to add to her savings. 

She’ll get Wynonna that motorcycle somehow, even if it means missing a night of pizza. 

“Okay. What’s up? You’re usually a lot more cheery and touchy when you’re drunk. This is… different.” When she comes back in the living room, Nicole points at Wynonna’s slumped position and ice cream stained spoon. 

Wynonna shrugs. Nicole rolls her eyes but doesn’t ask any more questions, simply plops down onto the couch next to her. A moment passes. A beat. Long enough that Wynonna could play an awesome drum solo to fill up the silence if she had her kit.

“Needy.” Wynonna says suddenly. 

Nicole glances at her. “What?”

“Needy. That’s the word you’re looking for, to describe my drunken state. I’m needy- it’s annoying, I know.” 

Okay, what is Wynonna talking about? It’s not annoying, it’s cute. Not that Nicole can say that aloud though. 

“Where are you getting this from?” She turns to face Wynonna and feels her stomach sink when the older girl shifts slightly away from her.

“Dolls. Xavier. Whatever you want to call the dude.” Wynonna messes up her own hair with her left hand. “He said I was needy. Then he broke up with me, so. It’s a shitnado in Earpville.” 

Nicole isn’t really sure what to say. A lot of the time she can’t come up with the right words to say, but she’s never wanted to be able to say the right thing more than she does right now. Nothing comes. She sits there, watching Wynonna’s hands start to shake and her breaths begin to sound heavy like she’ll cry, and all Nicole can do is sit helplessly.

It’s torture. It hurts everywhere when she realizes she only has the power to sit and watch. 

“I just want something permanent.” Wynonna says. The words come out on an exhale, so the sentence breaks a little in the middle.

Fuck. Nicole doesn’t want her to start crying. 

She taps the fabric above Wynonna’s hipbone, where the tattoo is, once. “You do have something permanent.” 

“Well, no shit.” Wynonna hisses, then visibly let’s her anger deflate. She finally leans into Nicole’s shoulder, allowing the contact to comfort them both.

“I meant a person, not a tattoo.” She explains.

After hesitating for a moment, Nicole reaches out and wraps her arm around Wynonna’s waist. “You have that too.” 

She hopes that whispered sentence says it all. Or maybe that it says just enough. Wynonna doesn’t have to known about the crush, but Nicole wants her to know about parts of it. She hopes, more anything, that Wynonna gets what this all means: I can’t say it but fuck, I do love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck, I do love you.” Is basically the only sentence you need to describe their relationship in this fic. Let’s be honest


	11. Guaranteed, I Can Blow Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna comes home to hang out with her family and Nicole (ofc) over Christmas Break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I haven’t updated in years and I’m sorrrry

“I’m fine, Haught. It doesn’t hurt.” 

“It looks like it hurts.” 

“But it doesn’t.” 

“But it looks like it-“ Nicole abruptly stops talking when Wynonna’s head snaps over to her, glaring.

They are standing in a tattoo parlor together, Nicole watching silently as Wynonna gets a heart drawn on her collarbone. It’s just a heart, a small simple thing but it makes Nicole buzz with excitement because it’s being colored in purple, pink, and blue - the bisexual flag colors. 

She can already see the shape of it and knows it’s going to turn out great but even if it didn’t, Nicole probably wouldn’t notice. Honestly Wynonna could get a naked Homer Simpson tattooed across her chest and Nicole would stand there, grinning like an idiot and thinking it was the best thing in the world.

Wynonna has the collar of her shirt pulled down past her shoulders. Nicole can not really see anything, half because the tattoo artist’s body is blocking her view and half because she is trying not to be too obvious with her leering. All that’s there is a sliver of Wynonna’s black bra strap and a small portion of pale skin that reminds Nicole of a blank canvas. It looks so pretty, like a present but god - Nicole has a girlfriend.

She can’t stop herself from looking a little though. It is Christmas time after all. 

Lately, Christmas for Nicole has meant spending time at the mall in this ridiculous elf costume (Shae says she looks cute but come on, she has pointed plastic elf ears she looks terrible) for a job and hanging out with Wynonna. Wherever she is, Wynonna is there too. At the movie theater, the record store, in this garage where Nedley fixes old cap cars, and in Nicole’s apartment randomly.

Apparently Nicole’s dad buys high class liquor and doesn’t notice when it goes missing, so they’re both taking full advantage of winter break.

“So how’s college? Have you met any boys or… girls?” Nicole asks.

The last word is harder to get out, due to the fact that recently Nicole has been feeling a little guilty about not having come out. She knows she shouldn’t feel that way - it takes time for everyone, she knows - but Wynonna has been so open about everything that it seems kind of unfair Nicole hasn’t done the same. 

Wynonna simply glances at her. “You sound like one of my relatives. But to answer your question, no. None of the people I’ve met are really my type.” 

Nicole nods, both relieved and hesitant to show how happy she is that Wynonna isn’t dating anyone. She’s gotten pretty good at keeping her face neutral when it comes to girls. Not smiling when speaking about Wynonna to Shae, not blinking an eye when her father says something about ‘the homos’ (as he refers to them), and generally stopping the excitement from leaking out of her voice whenever Wynonna asks her about basically anything.

So yeah, Nicole thinks she sounds completely normal when she asks this next question. 

“Oh, well. What is your type then?” 

Another glance comes from Wynonna to Nicole. If she squints, she is sure she can the slightest blush bloom across Wynonna’s face when they make eye contact.

“Uh it’s- ow, fuck.” Wynonna suddenly switches directions completely. She grabs her arm and glares at the ink, making a big deal about it even though the tattoo artist is off doing whatever with the big needle. “Okay, it actually does hurt now.” 

That conversation is quickly dropped.

—

Shae is a really, really good kisser. Or at least Nicole thinks she is since she has nothing to compare her to. It had been awkward at first, because all the kissing tips Nicole found online sounded gross and for awhile she couldn’t process the thought of having someone else’s tongue in her mouth, but it’s been a year now. They have both adjusted, learned how to do things well and effectively. 

And yes, Nicole knows that effective is a weird word to describe a kiss with but she can’t help it. Sometimes when they’re going at it she feels like she’s solving a math problem for the hundredth time in a row. Flick your tongue at this moment, lean in a little, get rewarded with a small moan. It’s all the same and it’s nice (nice the way finding a few spare pennies in your back pocket is nice) but it isn’t exciting. 

There’s tingles all up and down her back, but tingles aren’t electric shocks. There is warm hands on her sides but they’re - and god, she feels like a sicko for saying this - too gentle. She’s moaning but it isn’t the kind of moaning where you can’t fight it, where it will topple out of your mouth one way or another because there is simply no fighting it.

To be blunt about things: they haven’t had sex yet. There’s reasons for that, like number one, they’re fifteen (though Waverly had admitted, albeit through tears, to letting Champ get in her pants freshmen year). Also, what’s the rush? Nicole definitely wants to. She’s just so busy. Busy, busy, busy, busy and- okay so she doesn’t have anything to do and she’s just being a huge pussy lately.

Also, she’s speaking more like Wynonna lately. 

“Jesus fuck.” Nicole says, more out of shock than anything when her back comes in contact with the wooden dresser behind her.

They are in Shae’s room with the door closed, which is fine to her parents because Nicole is a girl and they don’t know any better. They’re supposed to be studying but now Nicole feels like she’s in a bad teen movie where a couple says that they are going to study then ends up naked, having that weird above the waist sex that straight couples do in movies. 

Shae presses her mouth to the spot on Nicole’s neck where a hickey had just healed. She pulls away when Nicole shifts awkwardly, suddenly forgetting what the hell she is supposed to do with her hands. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk about Wynonna way too much?” Shae asks and Nicole bites back a frown.

“I’m not even- why do you want to talk about Waverly’s older sister when we’re making out?” 

Good. That is a good way to refer to Wynonna, as only Waverly’s sister. Erase the history they share and their friendship, make it seem like nothing in front of Shae. Just be believable, swallow the guilt. (In the back of her mind Wynonna is winking and saying it’s too bad Nicole won’t swallow other things, and honestly this is not the time for that, Dream Wynonna).

“You smell like her.” Shae says, sounding more than a little sad at the admission.

“Creeper.” 

“Shush, I have an awesome sense of smell.” Shae goes on talking, leaving Nicole to lean against the dresser with a red blotch forming on her neck. “I know you don’t like cigarettes but you’ve always smelled like smoke, ever since I met you. Waverly doesn’t smoke but you know who does?” 

Nicole’s eyes widen a smidge but she plants them on the lamp on the nightstand and slumps her shoulders, appearing calm. It’s the very same way Wynonna taught her and- oh fuck she is so screwed.

“A shit ton of other people in New York?” She supplies, but Shae doesn’t laugh so Nicole sighs. “Look I don’t know what you want me to say, I’m not even eighteen so that’s illegal anyways. Besides, I’m with you and not Wynonna.” 

Guilt. 

Guilt fucking sucks because it hits her harder than anything in the world and she wants to stagger, fall back onto the floor from the force of it. When Shae glances up at her she looks so sad that Nicole’s stomach drops to her toes. She’s a god awful person. 

So, she does what the girls in the movies do when they want to avoid a subject or simply move the fuck on. She takes off her shirt. Then feels awkward about it, right once she catches sight of the fabric bunched up on the floor. She’s never been so exposed outside of a school lockeroom or that one time back in Purgatory when she thought it would be fun to run outside in nothing but a low hanging diaper. 

Nicole fidgets with her fingers, itching to grab her shirt again. Shae is looking at her and Nicole can’t really blame her, because if Shae were to take off her own shirt right now Nicole would definitely look at her too. Except Shae is fully clothed and not saying anything and Nicole has never really thought of herself as ugly before, but now under someone else’s gaze it’s different. 

“Uh-“ 

“Sorry, I just.” Shae swallows, it sounds as if she had been on the verge of crying. “You’re so pretty.”

And Shae’s voice holds all the care and awe that Nicole would speak to Wynonna with if they could just- no. Stop it. No Wynonna right now. 

She ducks her head, licks her lips nervously. “Um. Thanks. Do you want to, like, do something?” 

Nicole makes a wide hand gesture between Shae and her own body. Hates herself for it. Controls her breathing, looks at the lamp again. Deals with it. 

“Yeah. Let’s just... I don’t know.” And that ‘I don’t know’ lasts forever. 

Well, not forever obviously but long enough for it to grow twice as awkward in seconds and long enough for Wynonna to bust in the room like the Kool-Aid man only with embarrassed swearing and a stack of movies. There’s nothing to describe the moment except this one title Nicole can come up with.

It reads: Perfectly Healthy Sixteen Year Old Girl Has Fatal Heart Attack While Only in Mickey Mouse Bra. 

“Oh shit never mind than.” Wynonna steps out of the room just as quickly as she had walked in. “Sorry for not knocking but fuck, put some panties on the doorknob next time or something. Jesus.” 

Nicole turns so red she can see it all over her arms. “Shut up, Wynonna. Oh my god.”

Shae picks up her shirt off the ground and hands it to Nicole, but she’s kind of smirking at Nicole’s facial expression. So, what the hell? She’s basically being violently hurled out of the closet in a rainbow flannel and Shae is grinning. Also, Wynonna won’t shut up and is saying things about them really needing to use protection. 

Which is terrible. 

Really, Nicole is in a jumping out the window mode. Not because anyone could put the dots together and figure out where they were going to do, but because this is actually one of the worst scenarios on Nicole’s list of Ways to Come Out. 

“I swear to god, Nicole Patricia Haught, I don’t care if they don’t seem sexy I will but you dental dams.” Wynonna goes on, much to Nicole’s horror. Her middle name isn’t even Patricia. 

This time Shae does laugh and Nicole glares, smoothing down her shirt. “Why aren’t you freaking out?” 

“I told Wynonna a while ago. Or I guess she kind of figured it out when she caught me buying all the lesbian movies at the video store. It’s chill.” Shae shrugs, still smiling slightly. “Wynonna is gay or something, right?” 

The last part of that is directed more at Wynonna, so she calls from outside. “Bi!” 

Shae nods, looking at Nicole once again. “She’s bi.” 

Once Nicole is sure her arms aren’t bright red anymore they go out into the hall to see what Wynonna wants. It’s weird that Wynonna is even here, in her girlfriend’s apartment, but it’s even weirder that she has so many movies and is wearing a mustard yellow unicorn sweatshirt. Seriously, there’s a horn sticking out of her hood and everything.

Wynonna slides half the stack over to Shae when they get out there. Right. Nicole forgot that sometimes Wynonna goes around delivering DVDs from the video store to people for extra cash. 

They’re all silent, Shae with her eyes on the movies, Nicole with hers on the floor, and Wynonna glancing quickly between them. 

“Your dad wants you home, Haught. He called me and assumed we were hanging out.” 

Shae and Nicole share a glance, remembering the previous argument.

“So I thought I’d come get you.” Wynonna offers a grin that’s so cute and endearing that Nicole almost forgets the whole situation, blinded by white teeth and charm. 

Key word: almost.

—

“You can’t tell anyone.” Nicole says to Wynonna, a little later on the short walk home.

“I know.” 

“Because Waverly doesn’t know and neither does my mom or dad.”

“I know.” Wynonna replies, again.

“Can you say anything else?”

“I- no.” 

Nicole rolls her eyes and nudges Wynonna with her shoulder. “Clever.”

—

Days later, on New Years Eve, Nicole is a tall mix of many emotions. Part of her is sad because most holidays with her family are crappy. The night has already started off bad, with her dad getting drunk and following her mom around the apartment like a piece of shit stuck on her shoe. Chrissy keeps on crying and for the majority of the time Nicole has been walking around with her younger sister and trying to calm her down because apparently crowds scare Chrissy as much as they do Nicole.

After a while Waverly decided to ditch Champ and help out Nicole by basically doing everything Nicole had done but somehow better. Nicole says go to sleep and Chrissy throws ice cream cake at her. Waverly tells Chrissy the same and she climbs into a bed and falls asleep almost instantly. 

What is it with the Earp girls being able to control the Haughts? 

Anyways, Nicole doesn’t care. She wants to find Wynonna before midnight and by the time Chrissy is alseep, she has ten minutes to do so. The place is packed with everyone they know and their families, plus all of Paul’s work friends. It’s kind of hard to find Wynonna but apparently it isn’t hard for everyone to find everyone else. Waverly goes off with Champ somewhere and girls find their boyfriends, husbands cling to their wives, and everyone awaits for prime kissing time to begin.

Eventually, with six minutes left, Nicole decides she doesn’t have any more time and will have to stand around in the apartment as everyone makes out. Shae is here but it isn’t like they can kiss in front of everyone, even if it is tradition. Nicole’s phone buzzes in her pocket and she checks it, seeing a text from Jeremy that simply says ‘rooftop’. 

Okay, that’s fine. She can platonically kiss Jeremy on the cheek or something and then they can talk about Star Trek. Besides, it’s getting hard to breathe in there anyways and Nicole isn’t going to start off the new year with anxiety. 

Nicole moves quickly. She steps outside, into the hall, and around to where the stairs leading up to the roof are. The steps and railings are colder than she expected, winter is coming in harsher this year than it usually does. When Nicole pushes open the door to the roof she doesn’t see Jeremy, but she does see long hair that’s almost as black as the night swaying in the nightly breeze. The form has a fluffy green blanket around its shoulders and a bottle of whiskey next to it. That has to be Wynonna. 

As she approaches her friend, she can hear the sound of people yelling downstairs. “Hey dude.” 

Wynonna’s head whips around to look at her then slowly melts into a sleepy grin. Nicole can’t tell if she’s drunk or not yet. 

“Hey, Ginger Spice. Come sit.” She pats the space next to her and Nicole obeys, swinging her legs around the edge and plopping down right next to Wynonna. 

Their arms brush once, twice, and then Wynonna gives in and rests her head on Nicole’s shoulder. Nicole exhales, watching her breath turn visible in the air. The night feels important but nothing has happened, not yet.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” Nicole asks. 

“Drinking the pain away.” 

Wynonna must know what Nicole was going to ask next because she holds up her hand as an explanation. One of her fingers is wrapped with white bandages and they look kind of familiar to Nicole. The specific way they’re wrapped and the brand reminds Nicole of the tattoo parlor, ‘make your peace’ on Wynonna’s hipbone, and the little heart on her collarbone. 

“You got a new tattoo?” She questions eagerly, already holding Wynonna’s wrist in her hand. “Can I see? Please?” 

She sounds like a little kid but she doesn’t care because Wynonna doesn’t seem to mind. Wynonna just grins and nods, then begins to unwrap her finger.

Honestly, Nicole wants to cry when she sees it and not out of sadness. She feels as if she is in one of those cheesy movies where the girl is way too overdramatic and bursts into tears whenever something small happens. Nothing, bad or good, has made her heart beat this way. It means the world to her- hell, this tattoo means the universe and the galaxy because, in a sense, Wynonna has made her permanent.

“You… you got a gummy bear?”

Wynonna nods, slow and almost hesitant. “Don’t get all sappy on me, Haught. I just miss you when I’m gone. You’re my bro.” 

Nicole basically flings herself into Wynonna’s arms and holds her as tight as humanly possible. Fuck being her bro. In that moment, Nicole wants Wynonna more than anything, more than she wants her next breath. Maybe that’s a tad extreme but it’s how she feels and she’s allowed to be this hormonal, she’s sixteen and suddenly so happy to be alive.

“Okay, okay.” Wynonna says softly, rubbing her thumb along Nicole’s back. She tucks Nicole under her arms and pulls her into her lap the way they used to when they were kids. 

The people downstairs begin to count down from sixty. 

Wynonna keeps pushing her closer and Nicole keeps clinging harder, both silent until Wynonna speaks. 

“You never said why you’re up here.” 

“I’m avoiding the crowd.” She admits. “It’s kind of depressing in there, with all those couples. Sometimes I just think I won’t ever be able to do something romantic publicly like that.”

Twenty more seconds.

Suddenly, Nicole feels Wynonna shifting and she allows Wynonna to pull her into whatever position she wants. They both scoot back a little, away from the edge. Wynonna uses her finger to tilt Nicole’s head up and Nicole complies, coming face to face with her. 

Five seconds.

Fuck, they’re so close.

Three seconds.

For a moment Nicole thinks Wynonna might kiss her. Like, actually kiss her on the lips the way Shae kisses her. Instead Wynonna kisses Nicole’s forehead, lingers for a long second then does the same on both of her cheeks. Wynonna’s lips are wet from the whiskey and cold from the wind but they’re also softer than anything Nicole has ever felt before. She wants them everywhere.

“There, three kisses. Just incase you don’t get the next two.” Wynonna explains.

A stutter comes in Nicole’s breathing pattern at the words. Nicole tries not to react but she finally knows what it’s like to just not be able to control yourself, to do something because you absolutely can’t help it. She’s going to say something about her crush, she is sure of that, and then all of a sudden she’s not. 

An idea pops into her mind before the words leave her mouth. 

“Oh fuck I forgot. We have to go.” Nicole springs to her feet. “Get up, get up. Come on dipshit, get up.”

Wynonna rolls her eyes and stands much slower than Nicole would like her to. “I just rocked your cheek’s fucking world, this better be good.”

—

“Just chill.” Wynonna hisses as Nicole pulls her by the hand into Nedley’s garage.

“No.” 

Nicole fishes the key out of her jean pocket and sticks it in then twists. In the background she can hear Wynonna say something about how breaking into Nedley’s garage around midnight is totally badass, but she ignores the compliment and starts searching for the light switch. She also hears Wynonna bumping into counters and various old cop cars and doesn’t pay attention to that either.

Eventually Nicole finds the switch and flips it on, making the room fill with light. Wynonna is on the other side of the room and Nicole rolls her eyes as she has to grab her again, but it’s worth it when Wynonna’s complaining abruptly cuts off once they near the motorcycle.

It’s the same one from the magazine years ago, except shinier and without the bikini girl practically attached to it. Still, it must be cool or something (it looks pretty awesome but Nicole isn’t a motorcycle girl at all) because Wynonna literally purrs and drags her hands down the vehicle, looking as if riding it would solve all of her life problems. 

“Oh my god. How can I thank you?” Wynonna barely looks up at Nicole, too preoccupied with inspecting the motorcycle. 

“You don’t need to.”

Wynonna picks up a random tool and points it at her. “I’m gonna buy you some dental dams.”

“Fucking Christ, Wynonna, no.”


	12. Wrestling In Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole decides to spend a whole summer with Wynonna because she’s completely terrible at hiding her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I haven’t updated in so long but I still want to thank you all for the comments, they were super sweet and I’m going to try and post more!

The summer before junior year is a summer Nicole intends to spend with Wynonna. She already has an excuse about wanting to go to the gym out there by the beach house and working on her basketball skills to cover her. If the plan all works perfectly, and it will, Nicole can get out there by the first week. Worst case scenario she has to come up with a fake boy she wants to meet - her dad is always asking about boyfriends now and why none of hers have ever come over to the house - and promise to call back to the apartment weekly.

She makes sure to dip her head and smile during her whole explanation. When her dad asks her if this boy is more than a friend, Nicole simply glances away and hopes there’s some natural red coloring in her cheeks to help sell the ruse. She’s playing the role of Straight a Girl Crushing On Possible Surfer Guy quite well, if her father’s happy (kind of relieved) grin is anything to go by.

So, on the first Saturday of the summer Nicole is driving her dad’s car far out to the beach. She figures Wynonna is living in their house by now since Nicole had given her a key and it’s much nicer than Wynonna’s apartment. It takes about three hours to get there but Nicole doesn’t mind, she flips to the rock station and turns it up as loud as it can go so everything around her reminds her of Wynonna. 

When Nicole gets there the sky is fading into a light purple and bright orange, the night only just starting to set in. No one is on the beach around them including Wynonna so Nicole assumes she’s inside. She parks in the driveway, grabs her bag, and finds Wynonna sitting out on the porch. It’s a little startling, because usually if Wynonna is outside the smell of smoke follows her.

“Hey dork.” Nicole says and laughs when Wynonna falls off the porch, landing in the sand with a loud thump and curse. 

Wynonna clutches her chest dramatically. “What the holy fuck- you scared the shit out of me Haught.” 

Nicole tilts her head back as she laughs and when she stops to look back down, Wynonna is still in the sand smiling at her. She reaches down and tries to helps her up, even though she doesn’t really need to. Instead of letting Nicole lift her, Wynonna pulls down hard so she topples to the ground with her.

All of a sudden, they’re wrestling. Wrestling the way the boys in her class do whenever left without any supervision, not actually fighting but just pushing and pulling and getting lost in their own limbs for a minute. Nicole is taller but Wynonna is a tad bit stronger so it’s a fair fight. They pin and unpin each other, switch positions again and again because neither one of them can stay on the bottom for too long. Eventually they tumble onto the welcome mat right outside the door. They’re both breathing heavily but Nicole is being held under Wynonna- at least for now, she plans to slip away in a second. Or not. Or not because now that she looks up and sees Wynonna, Nicole doesn’t want to move.

She’s so pretty. Nicole feels like she’s being hit with that information every time she sees Wynonna, as if her appearance is any different from the way it was for the last year. 

“We should order pizza.” Nicole suggests. “Loser gets to pick the toppings.”

“What- no!”

“Ha, already said it.” She sticks her tongue out at Wynonna and Wynonna rolls her eyes, the grin she’s sporting hiding any chance of annoyance. 

They both stand and this time Wynonna helps Nicole to her feet, then hits her hard on the arm because ‘that pizza thing is bogus and you know it dude’. Still, Wynonna pulls Nicole close as they walk in and squeezes her shoulder comfortingly. 

“I’m glad you’re here Haughtshot.” 

—

An hour later, they’re out on the porch again with wet hair from separate showers and warm laps from the half empty pizza boxes resting on them. There’s a grape soda for Nicole and a beer for Wynonna but no cigarettes in sight, because apparently she’s quitting. Waverly must have finally gotten to her. 

They talk about everything except what’s going on at home. No Champ, no Shae, no Paul, and definitely no talk of whatever Wynonna does up here. Nicole hasn’t been introduced to any of Wynonna’s college friends but she doesn’t mind, figures they can’t be that important if there’s no tattoo of them or even a small mention of their names.

It gets cool around seven and they gravitate to each other as if they share the same body heat.

“So, why’d you come?” Wynonna asks, then pauses to take a sip from her bottle. “Not that I’m unhappy to see you, of course. I just… don’t you have, like, school or something?”

“It ended.” Nicole explains. 

Their conversation is simple but Nicole’s heart is heavy in her chest. She can’t help it, every time she looks at Wynonna - which is more often than is explainable, she keeps sneaking glances - her eyes dip down to her friend’s lips and it feels like New Years all over again. They look shiny from the beer and Nicole doesn’t have to imagine what they’d feel like anymore, because Wynonna already kissed her. 

Now all Nicole can imagine is it happening again (she’d jump at the opportunity if she just got an excuse for it) and Shae’s face if she were to find out, but the guilt never stops the fantasies. Wynonna keeps talking, telling jokes as this goes on and Nicole nods along silently. It’s a never ending cycle.

“Well, next time I’ll come visit you, okay? I haven’t spoken to Nedley in a while so that will be cool.” 

“Yeah. Waverly misses you.” Nicole doesn’t say that she also misses Wynonna, but it’s implied. She drove all this way after all.

(Did she even tell Shae where she is? She can’t remember. She’ll call in the morning, set it in her reminders to make sure she isn’t a total trash person.)

Wynonna leans towards Nicole, close enough that she could rest her head on her shoulder if she really wanted to. “I bet you five bucks I can do a backflip off the porch.” 

Nicole rolls her eyes at that, she isn’t about to waste five dollars. 

“You took gymnastics for like years, I’m not betting you anything. Aren’t you still super...” 

“Flexible?” Wynonna cuts in. 

Nicole swallows, hard. Her mind drifts elsewhere. “Yeah.”

The wood the porch is made of is scratched in some places, Nicole can feel that with her fingers. She imagines Wynonna doing backflips off there many times, practicing over and over until it’s incredibly easy to her, just so she can have the chance to bet five dollars on it. Nicole is so focused on her though that she barely notices Wynonna stacking their pizza boxes and standing up.

Accompanied by a small yawn, Wynonna stretches her hands high above her head, allowing the edge of her shirt to drift up near her bellybutton. Nicole glances away, puts her eyes on the calming waves in front of her and tries to convince herself that they’re more beautiful than Wynonna is.

“What are you doing?” Nicole asks.

The loose shirt Wynonna’s wearing slips off her shoulder when she shrugs. “I’m cold.”

“Here.” Nicole blurts it, too loud and sudden for the stillness of the night. “Take my sweatshirt.”

Wynonna’s eyes widen just a smidge before she backtracks and steps in front of Nicole, waiting.

That sweatshirt is kind of an important part of her life. She has worn it on morning runs when the wind is a bit too cold, taken it to brunch with Waverly and dinners with Shae, her wearing it has become so frequent that her dad is able to make stupid adult jokes about how that sweatshirt is practically her second skin. Maybe she’s putting too much meaning on it but still, Nicole feels instantly naked once she takes it off. 

It’s odd for a second, standing there in only her tank top and shorts. Then she offers the hoodie over to Wynonna and everything changes. Wynonna pulls the fabric over her body, grins brightly at Nicole and things shift. Suddenly all the warmth floods back into Nicole’s body at once.

After spinning around briefly, Wynonna strikes a pose. “How do I look?” 

“You look…”

Gorgeous and tempting. Dangerous, the way a child with something expensive in their hands is. Like Wynonna has something meaningful in her palms and is too blind to see it. 

The bottom the sweatshirt brushes the tops of Wynonna’s thighs, a bit too long for her. 

“Short.” Nicole clears her throat, finds the waves again. “I think you’re shrinking.”

“Whatever.” Wynonna rolls her eyes but she’s smiling so wide that it’s blinding.

—

The next morning and the weeks following, they go running together. Or swimming or biking, anything physical. Nicole begins to associate the familiar after workout burn - the good type, where he lungs are aching and her legs might as well be jello but she feels accomplished and proud of herself for doing it - with Wynonna. She learns new things about Wynonna too, like that Wynonna really isn’t much of a runner but she can swim for much longer than Nicole and their wrestling skills are pretty much at the same level. 

While Wynonna spends a lot of time figuring out random ways to win their little matches (it’s always winner gets to pick the movie tonight or loser buys dinner or something along those lines), Nicole spends a lot of time repeating mantras in her head about keeping her eyes in appropriate places. 

Look, she isn’t a total pervert - she has a girlfriend. She isn’t Champ. She isn’t staring at Wynonna’s chest every minute of the day or anything, it’s just that she’s human. So when Wynonna comes over with her shirt lifted to her forehead, wiping sweat off her face and reminding Nicole for the millionth time how toned she is now. Wynonna used to be so skinny, usually underweight by about ten to fifteen pounds no matter how much she ate. 

The change is noticeable. That’s all.

“Dude.” Wynonna greets her near a sweat soaked machine in the gym. “We totally have to go get those protein shakes from across the street. They have ones without chocolate now.” 

Nicole nods and only briefly thinks about the fact that Wynonna remembers that she doesn’t like chocolate. 

“Cool.”

Some guy with brown hair, tips dyed bright yellow like a douchebag, walks past them. His eyes drop down and then back up over Wynonna, clearly checking her out. Without much thought Nicole sits up and presses her hand near Wynonna’s waist, right above her hipbone on the tattoo. It’s possessive, something she would do if they were dating, but Wynonna doesn’t falter since she’s used to them always having contact somehow.

The guy walks a bit quicker when he sees the action and Nicole glares at his back, though Wynonna has no idea what’s going on.

She wonders if Wynonna has ever looked at her that way. Maybe not checking Nicole out, but simply admiring. Nicole has had girls be jealous of her before since she’s tall and her body is sculpting up well. Sure, not as well as Waverly’s body but Waverly goes on five mile runs during her free periods and Nicole isn’t at that level of insane yet. 

Anyways, Wynonna has probably never looked at her like that. Not even if Nicole won the award for the best abs in the galaxy, Wynonna wouldn’t think of her as anything other than a bro or a kid. Every time her mind veers and she tries to think otherwise, she’s reminded of her age and how Wynonna often refers to her as ‘kid’ for a nickname and most recently, how she’s only allowed inside the gym because Wynonna is an adult. 

There was a sign and everything: children (emphasis on the child) under eighteen are not allowed in without an adult. 

It stung. Yeah, she’s sixteen, almost seventeen, but little things like that make her feel as if she’s five and clinging to a teddy bear once again.

“You okay, Haught?” She asks. One of her eyebrows raise and the trick is just as impressive as it was to Nicole when she was younger. 

“Yeah.” Nicole lets her shoulders drop. “I just thought I bruised you during the last ten times I won.”

Wynonna rolls her eyes and they both stand, walking off towards the exit. “Don’t get cocky. It was like three times.”

—

She calls Shae one night after a movie marathon. Technically, it’s the morning but it is still dark outside and no one is walking the streets. A lot of things are still going on when Nicole calls though. The television is still playing, there’s still traces of gummy bears between her teeth, and Wynonna is still on the couch with her arm curled around the spot where Nicole had once been. Nicole still feels gentle tingles along her spine at the memory of a tired Wynonna, draping herself over Nicole and hugging her only an hour ago.

The guilt is prominent and thriving, pounding harder than Nicole’s own heartbeat. It was unbelievable how calm Wynonna could make her and almost insane how easily Shae could make her just as afraid. 

It doesn’t take long on the phone until Nicole’s breathing is coming in stutters, like uneven bullets missing a target. She tries to keep herself under control and taps her fingers along the countertop as Shae talks about jobs and summer school and responsibilities. While Shae’s voice is laced with sleep it somehow makes it obvious that she’s excited that Nicole even called at all, and when Nicole responds she just sounds… exasperated.

“I can’t do this.” Nicole breathes. 

There is a hitch in Shae’s voice but maybe Nicole simply imagines it or Shae hides it, because it’s gone a second later.

“What?” Shae asks. It’s light. Teasing. “Too tired? I was surprised you called so late anyways, we can pick up on this tomorrow if you want.”

It’s denial.

They both notice the hard turn their conversation takes and this time, Shae’s slight hitch is more of an almost-sob and Nicole’s breathing stutter is a full stop. If anyone were to put their hand on the back of Nicole’s back they wouldn’t feel the usual subtle inhale and exhale. She’s a coward but Shae sure isn’t, never has been.

“It’s Wynonna, isn’t it?”

How obvious has she been about her feelings?

“Yeah.” Her eyes flicker to the doorway. “Yeah, it is.”

Maybe it’s the wrong thing to be thinking about at the moment but Nicole’s biggest worry is that Wynonna will hear them. What would Wynonna do if she knew? Probably stop hugging her so much, probably distance herself and only interact through quick calls. Maybe if Wynonna found out she would turn into another one of those distant people in Nicole’s life, the ones that know nothing about her. She can’t stand that thought.

“You know she can’t… she doesn’t love you like that.”

Nicole is surprised by the honesty of her own words as they leave her mouth. “I know.”

—

“So for today that’s Haught twenty to Earp zero.” Nicole smirks. 

They are on the floor, in a warm kitchen that has begun to smell like stir fry. Wynonna ditched chopping vegetables and mixing sauce a while ago in favor of trying to annoy Nicole by stealing cookies off the stove before they get a chance to ‘properly cool’ (Wynonna calls her a nerd and says she’s spending too much time with Waverly but it’s all said so fondly that Nicole barely minds) so soon they’re throwing flour at each other and scrambling to pin each other.

It lasts maybe three minutes, a lot shorter than usual due to them both being tired. Nicole ends up winning and declaring that they’re watching The Godfather, which Wynonna doesn’t complain about.

For a moment Nicole was too tired and happy with her win to realize she had Wynonna under her. Both their hands are sweaty, their skin damp and hot against each other. Sure, Nicole had gotten over her crush a bit (a bit meaning less than five percent) but not completely. There were times like these, times where Wynonna looked so fucking amazing with her hair splayed out on the mats, that she turned into that same lovesick little girl. She realizes five seconds too late that she definitely should’ve moved already and Wynonna is quickly flipping them, taking Nicole’s position. 

There seems to be no reason behind it since Nicole has already won, so she lets herself be moved and hopes the food won’t burn while they are down there.

“Can’t pay attention when there’s a hot girl on top of you, can you?” Wynonna teases, her pants turning into slow breaths. 

Nicole thanks god and years hanging out around Wynonna for her quick tongue, the ability to brush everything off as if it were nothing. 

“I never said you were hot.” True, but Wynonna is the type of girl that simply knows she’s attractive because it’s obvious. 

It’s quiet for a moment and then Wynonna starts talking again. “Really? You can’t feel this heat?” 

If Nicole wasn’t in such good health, she swears she would have had a heart attack on the spot. Nicole sputters but before she can think anything more about her question, Wynonna dips down. Once again, the stupid idea that maybe Wynonna will kiss her pops into her mind. Instead, she drags her cheek across Nicole’s, spreading what feels like a river of sweat around their skin. 

“Oh my god, you’re disgusting.” Nicole groans.

Wynonna laughs and jumps up, going again to try and steal a cookie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m highkey going to have to set Shae up with someone nice, I feel baddd


	13. Purple Short Shorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole and Wynonna continue to be adorable and... no that’s pretty much it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx for all the kind feedback! I really love writing this story and I’m glad you all seem to like reading it.

Once she reaches seventeen, Nicole is basically all alone. It doesn’t happen exactly on her birthday or anything, it’s as gradual as a lot of things in life are. Her mom has never been all that close to her but she becomes more distant, only calling to give Nicole brief updates about Chrissy. She hasn’t seen her little sister in person in about six months, but apparently Chrissy is a lot taller now (everyone says she’s following in Nicole’s footsteps and that’s nice, but Nicole wishes she could be there to see it).

As for Nedley, he also calls once a month and she has lunch at the station whenever she gets a break from school. Nicole can understand that. It isn’t like he’s her father or anything, he has a job and a life outside of her. He’s trying, unlike her actual father. 

They have enough money now that he can take a break from work if he wanted to, plus Nicole has a good chance of getting a basketball scholarship. She has this theory that maybe, he simply doesn’t want to spend time with her. Sometimes, if Nicole wakes up at the right time in the night to use the bathroom, she will spot her dad’s silhouette, lit by only the fridge light, as he fishes out slices of salami. 

There is no good morning and rarely a goodnight, usually there’s a short text that comes at an odd hour of the day - ‘don’t forget to study and do your homework’ or ‘don’t spend all your time with Wynonna’ or something else along those lines. Most of the time she ignores them. She’ll wait until late to do her work partially out of spite but mostly so she can spend her afternoons on the phone with Wynonna.

When she comes home to no note from her father and an empty apartment, books stacked heavily in her backpack, Nicole’s phone is already buzzing with a text from Wynonna. The message simply says that Wynonna made too much mac and cheese and will be over with the bowl soon. Which is good, she hadn’t been in the mood to make herself a salad and spend the next hour or so finishing up the last of her homework. 

Nicole drops her bag near the doorway and flinches at the loud thud it makes. Dust springs into the air, particles floating up and then slowly back down to the floor.

She walks into the kitchen and spots a fruit basket on the counter. It is one of those crappy ones that seem to come with their own horde of flies. The fruit is weirdly warm and rotting and the card attached (it’s from one of her dad’s coworkers she has never met before) is ripped off and sitting near the stove. 

By the time Nicole is throwing it in the trash, the doorbell rings and Wynonna is calling about how hot the bowl is through the door.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Wynonna repeats, hurrying past Nicole with her overly large bowl of cheesy pasta to quickly shove it into the fridge. “My hands are burning - holy fuck.” 

Nicole shuts the door and follows her. Wynonna is pacing back in forth, staring at her bright pink hands as she does so. Her shirt is white and has some pun about lasagna on it. Of course, Wynonna has it hiked up around the top of her bellybutton. That’s something the Earp sisters have in common, their love for crop tops and basically anything that shows a little skin. 

Not that Nicole is complaining or anything. It’s just an innocent observation. 

Eventually Wynonna opens the fridge and presses her fingers to the bowl, hesitant. “I made it a while ago, by the way. I just reheated it because I thought you would want warm macaroni but… I think Willa screwed me over with the microwave.” 

It only takes a second for Nicole to start laughing. On its own it isn’t that funny, but seeing Wynonna standing there with this clueless ‘I’m an adult woman who can’t properly heat pasta’ way is somehow hilarious to her. It’s endearing, too. A little adorable, but Nicole doesn’t let that slip.

Wynonna pouts at her. “Stop. I was trying to be nice.” 

“I’m sorry.” Nicole says but it’s clear that she isn’t because for the next minute or so she’s still biting her lip to cover the giggles.

Three things become clear once they start their meal. One, the macaroni is obviously from a box and Nicole can tell due to the artificial cheese powder at the bottom of the bowl. Two, Wynonna needs to learn how to stir things better because where there is artificial cheese there is also randon, damp clumps of powder. Three, Nicole doesn’t care if the mac and cheese is trash because Wynonna sits across from her the whole time, grinning wildly and using a wooden spoon to shovel it all into her mouth. 

They actually eat in the kitchen instead of in front of a television this time and of course Nicole’s mind wanders, thinking that if she dimmed the lights and bought a rose this could be kind of a date. Except it isn’t, because by the end of it they both have cheese on their shirts and they don’t flirt, they argue mindlessly about whether or not the Hulk would kick Spider-Man’s ass. 

(“The Hulk wears purple short shorts that look like they could be Waverly’s, he can’t do shit.” Nicole proclaims, launching the whole conversation.) 

So it isn’t a date, it’s just time with her friend, and maybe that’s better. Maybe that’s more. 

__

Nicole draws for hours that night. She uses her pencil and fills a notebook page with those two superheroes fighting. Sure, Wynonna is dead wrong and Spider-Man would totally wrap the Hulk up with his webs, but that night Nicole doesn’t care. She lets the Hulk win and silently enjoys the fist pumping emoji Wynonna sends her once Nicole sends a picture of her drawing.

__

Champ’s family owns a house out on the edge of the city, which according to him is almost always abandoned unless he or one of his relatives is throwing a party there. Nicole has been there twice for keggers and once to pick up a shivering, tearful Waverly who refused to say what had happened. So, Nicole basically hates the place. It doesn’t help that the exterior is creepily similar to her old house in Purgatory. She can’t remember properly but half of her is sure that Champ has the same welcome mat as the one she used to. 

It’s odd, stepping into his house on a Saturday night for one of his parties. Faint flashbacks from Purgatory fill her mind the second Nicole steps inside and also, she doesn’t like parties. Especially Champ’s. They’re always too loud and the place is too dirty and besides, what good is drinking if she isn’t taking shots while Wynonna teases her for being a lightweight. 

What good is dancing if Wynonna isn’t the girl pressed against Nicole? What good is kissing someone if she can’t grip leather and taste whiskey and think: finally, finally, finally? 

That thought plays in Nicole’s mind even as she steps inside next to Waverly - who’s still very much Wynonna’s sister, by the way, they share the same blood and all - and goes to find the alcohol. She assumes Waverly will ditch her to find Champ as usual but instead Waverly grabs Nicole’s arm and follows her through the crowd.

They reach the kitchen soon enough.

Nicole grabs a plastic cup, starts pouring vodka in it without checking the brand. “Aren’t you going to hang out with Champ?”

“No.” Waverly shrugs. Unlike Nicole, she carefully looks at the different bottles on the counter before selecting something. “We kind of broke up.” 

“Kind of?”

“We did. Last night actually, he’s a dick.” Whatever Waverly poured herself goes down her throat quickly and surprisingly, she doesn’t flinch or twist up her face when it does. 

Choosing to be smart and not comment on it, Nicole sips her own drink and focuses on the music. Maybe, if she drinks enough, she will kiss someone tonight. She makes up a plan to break off into the main crowd where everyone is dancing and find a girl - there’s that one from her math class who’s always smiling and staring at her and Nicole thinks she may have a shot - but never actually leaves the kitchen. 

For about the next hour or twenty-two songs, everytime Nicole tries to get past the doorway Waverly blocks her. Not like in football where she’s literally throwing herself in front of Nicole, but more like she can’t help but grab Nicole’s arm each time they get too far apart. It isn’t obvious but of course Nicole notices the sudden clinginess and eventually sits down, giving up. 

What’s the point anyways? No one out there is Wynonna. 

Sometime during the night Waverly leans over and tugs Nicole’s arm and then they’re out on the roof, alone. It’s similar to New Years with Wynonna but also totally not the same, because Nicole isn’t buzzing with excitement or waiting for Waverly to kiss her or anything. Instead, she’s just tired and worried about Waverly.

Waverly, who for once has her hair slightly messy and is actually being silent. Who keeps looking at Nicole awkwardly and opening her mouth then closing it, whatever words she wants to say dying in the air. Nicole cups her drink and waits patiently while Waverly tilts her head and continues gulping down too much of her.

“I think I like girls.” Waverly blurts, eyes flicking over to Nicole briefly before she takes another sip and starts over. “No. I know I like girls.”

They both go silent for a while and Nicole isn’t sure why. She has things to say but simply can’t phrase them right due to too much alcohol and her general, persistent failures at trying to string words together properly. Waverly, on the other hand, almost always has something to say. Her mouth is rarely ever closed and if it is, she is usually just swallowing or chewing something. 

Eventually, Waverly shifts to face Nicole. Her thumb traces the rim of her bottle. “Well. Say something.” 

“It’s cool bro.” Nicole pauses and internally rolls her eyes at herself. 

Maybe Wynonna and her have adopted a certain way to talk about their emotions, to add a ‘dude’ or a ‘bro’ or a random joke in the middle of it all to soften the blow of life, but this is Waverly. She doesn’t think she’s ever called her a bro in her life and judging by Waverly’s little amused smile, they both notice how odd it is for her to.

“I’m gay.” 

Those are words that she hasn’t actually ever said aloud before, but she should get used to them because she’ll probably have to say it a lot. To her parents, to Chrissy one day, eventually to Jeremy even though she is pretty sure that he already knows without her having to say it. 

“You could’ve told me.” Waverly points out.

Nicole shrugs and lies back fully so all she can see is black sky and stars. “I could say the same to you.” 

Waverly mimics her actions. She curls her body around Nicole and slowly pulls her into a half-hug so they are both able to look up at the sky and hold each other at the same time. Again, Nicole notes that the Earps (excluding Willa of course because these days it seems as if she fell off the ends of the earth) are very touchy people. 

“Do you want to go home?” Nicole asks.

“Soon. I’m not ready yet.” Waverly says and Nicole nods, because she understands that completely. They might be sitting near the edge of a roof but at least up there, the stars look almost touchable.

__

At the end of the night they climb down from the roof, steal some waters from the house and then call a cab. While they’re waiting, Waverly shivers so Nicole takes her jacket off and drapes it over Waverly. It’s one of the leather ones Wynonna gave her and usually Nicole wouldn’t part with it, but this is Waverly. All she can hope is that the jacket will make her feel as safe as Nicole does when she’s with Wynonna.

The wind whips at them, the nightly chill just starting to set in. Nicole bounces on her heels. She feels her phone buzz, checks the message, and has to bite back a smile when she sees Wynonna asking if she’s getting home okay from the party.

“Are you and Wynonna dating?” Waverly asks all of a sudden. Nicole chokes on her water, sputtering wildly.

“N-No. We’re just friends.” 

Waverly bites her lip and glances off towards the crowds of teenagers surrounding the house. “Oh. Sorry, I just… you kind of get this look when you’re hanging out with her.” 

“What look?” She asks. The nerves are already multiplying in her stomach - Nicole was never subtle but if even Waverly knows then, well, she’s fucked. 

She tucks her phone back in her pocket and fights the smile that still lingers.

“It’s the same as when you met her in the police station. Like you’re amazed by everything she’s ever done and doing.” Waverly clears her throat. “But, uh, I guess not.”

The taxi comes and has to stay in the middle of the road instead of pull up, the sidewalk is filled with teenager’s cars. It’s bright yellow and disturbing to see out in the dark. When they climb in, Nicole feels as if she’s missed an important opportunity now. 

Come out one night but deny a crush the same day. Cowardly or brave? Nicole has no idea, all she knows is that without her jacket she’s cold.

__

On the night of graduation, everyone - and when Nicole says everyone, she means her whole dysfunctional family - gathers inside the high school. Waverly won some type of award that she has to give a speech for so she has been in the girl’s bathroom practicing for the last twenty minutes. Wynonna hasn’t shown up yet but Willa has and she’s off in the corner on her phone, complaining loudly to her boyfriend.

Paul has started talking about how he thinks Wynonna will bail and never show up, Chrissy is eating baby carrots, and Nedley somehow has powdered donut crumbs on his chin. Her mother is also insulting someone but Nicole isn’t listening. She’s in a good mood, the type where she is able to block most of the negativity out.

“Nicole, honey.” Paul reaches out and ‘fixes’ her hair without asking, quickly pulling the strands behind her ear. “You should really spend less time with Wynonna and more time shampooing.” 

Usually, Nicole would argue but instead she nods silently and keeps on glancing between the bathroom door and the school’s entrance. That seems to piss him off more than any response would and he huffs loudly (seriously, he sounds like he’s on some lame drama show) before going to the other side of their little half-circle to talk to Nedley. 

Soon, Waverly walks out of the bathroom and joins them. Wynonna comes into the high school seconds later and if Nicole is honest, it takes her a bit to recognize that Wynonna is actually Wynonna. 

Anyone who knows Wynonna knows that she rarely steps out of her all black, crop top and leather attire. It’s so different - it’s also very, very good - to see Wynonna in a dress. A tight red one that swims around her ankles and makes her look like a princess, something out of a movie and more. It hugs every part of her perfectly. 

Maybe Nicole should be focusing on Wynonna’s boobs or ass or whatever most people look at on a girl, but she doesn’t. She notices the faded bruise near Wynonna’s elbow, where she banged it cooking pasta at the beach house. The slight crooked angle of one of her fingers from when Wynonna broke her hand jumping off a tree one Halloween and the cut on that same finger from when she did it again last year. 

It would probably be better if Nicole could see Wynonna and just think that she’s hot (and yes, she is hot but that isn’t Nicole’s first thought). Instead, Nicole has to find meaning in everything, like an idiot.

Wynonna keeps walking forward until they’re face to face, not very close but clearly both only looking at each other.

“Woah.” Nicole says, words slipping out of her mouth on an exhale, coming as easily as another breath. “You look beautiful.” 

It quickly turns into one of those rare times Wynonna looks nervous. 

“Really?” 

At that point Nicole has used up all her bravado and realizes what she’s said. She notices her dad shuffling his feet behind her, clearly uncomfortable, and how everyone has gone quiet to watch the exchange. Her eyes find Wynonna’s and stay there. They’re so blue and familiar they make Nicole feel instantly comfortable but also worried, because they could never just be friends when her mind is repeating things like beautiful. 

So, Nicole fights the cringe and gently hits Wynonna’s shoulder, forcing a smile. 

“Yeah, dude. Really.” She says. Wynonna tilts her head, looking briefly confused. Nicole spins back around and focuses on the blue tiling on the floor, but it isn’t the same. Nothing is.

Everyone is still staring at her.

“Alright, we should go.” Nedley points towards where the ceremony is being held. “We don’t want to be late or anything.

They all nod and start heading in that direction. Waverly grabs Nicole’s arm and stops her from walking any further. Once everyone else is out of earshot, she stands on her tippy toes and leans up to whisper in Nicole’s ear. 

“That was the look.” She says and Nicole flushes.

“Shut up.”


	14. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole finally makes a move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it’s been forever since I’ve updated and this chapter title is very fitting. 
> 
> I also posted this story on Wattpad so if you want to read it there, here’s the link: https://www.wattpad.com/644395499-hit-the-fan-ch-1-gummy-bears

That year, Halloween conveniently falls on a Saturday. Being seniors, both Nicole and Waverly are invited to just about every party going on in the high school. Mostly it’s nervous freshmen asking them to come with no real belief that either one of them will show up, but a few kids their age do send texts to bring beer if they’re coming. In the end, Waverly and Nicole visit Jeremy’s apartment for an hour before heading over to Wynonna’s place. 

Wynonna opens the door, grin already set on her face. Maybe it’s the sudden lack of leather or the fact that Wynonna is wearing an extra large ‘eggcelent’ shirt (complete with a cartoon egg on the front) but she looks like a new person. Somehow, despite the pun shirt, she seems cooler than before. It makes Nicole feel as if she should be looking up at her, but really she has to tilt her head down a bit to make eye contact.

“Hey Haught and little sister.” Wynonna ruffles Waverly’s hair and half-hugs Nicole in greeting. 

“Don’t fuck up my hair and also hi back.” Waverly replies. 

No one else is there yet. The party doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes or so and besides, no one gets there on time anymore. Waverly and Nicole just came early because Wynonna asked them to. Nicole wonders if Wynonna needs help setting up since she doesn’t look completely dressed - the shirt comes down to Wynonna’s thighs, blocking out any signs of anything under it.

Nicole can’t remember the last time she saw Wynonna in anything that wasn’t overly tight, but she likes the new look. It makes her think of quiet nights eating poorly cooked pasta and wrestling while watching movies. Also, what the hell- can Wynonna put on some pants because really, the amount of restraint Nicole is showing with not looking should win her an award.

“Waverly, I promised Gus that I would stop you from drinking if I saw you.” Wynonna says, leading them towards the alcohol. “So don’t drink in front of me.” 

Waverly nods and pours herself a beer anyways, only sipping it whenever Wynonna looks away. From what Nicole can see, it is going to be a typical party. The kitchen is fully stocked with beer and other alcoholic beverages, all stuck in a tub of ice on the floor. Nicole bends down and grabs a beer bottle, not checking the brand. The ice in the bottom of the tub is melted and when she pulls her hand back out everything under her wrist is cold and wet. 

Without thinking about it, she reached forward and rubbed her hand on Waverly. What? It’s best friend rules. Everyone knows when you become friends with someone you also basically sign up to be their personal napkin. 

“Seriously?” Waverly says, trying and failing to check the damp spot on her back. “You’re a lesbian, Nicole. Aren’t you used to having your hand get wet?”

Nicole gapes at her while Wynonna covers her mouth, trying to stop the laughter. It escapes though, because it always does with Wynonna, and it distracts Nicole enough that she almost forgets to splash Waverly with some ice water.

“You suck.” Nicole comments. Waverly laughs and ducks but a few drops still land on her face.

“No, I don’t. That’s Wynonna.” Waverly replies, and then Wynonna is throwing water at them both. 

__

They all talk for awhile about the party and which horror movie they’re going to watch after. Soon the three of them decide to drive to the beach house once things cool down and Wynonna agrees to be the designated driver surprisingly quickly. 

A party where Wynonna Earp doesn’t drink? Hell must have frozen over. 

Seriously, Waverly gets drunk before everyone else. It’s like they’ve all switched responsibilities. By the time Waverly is obviously hammered, a few people have shown up and the music is playing so loudly they have to yell to hear each other.

Waverly practically throws herself at Nicole (literally, Nicole stumbles at the weight of her) and Wynonna laughs while Waverly begins talking.

“What’s your costume, by the way?” 

Nicole shrugs, she’s dressed normally. “We’re seniors, Waves. I don’t need to dress up. I can just show up.” 

“Oh, hell no. It’s Halloween and we’re doing this right.” Waverly takes Nicole by the shoulders and leads her around the party into the bedroom where Wynonna follows. 

She throws things carelessly around the room, beer sloshing over the rim of her cup in her search. This is one of those times that Nicole notices the similarities between the two Earps. Waverly’s head pops back out of the closet and she holds out a white tank top along with a pair of plastic fangs. 

“Here, put this on under your jacket.”

Nicole rolls her eyes but steps into the closet (Wynonna basically cackles at that, making a total of twenty puns from outside) to change and comes back out looking half like a greaser without the hair and half life a cheesy vampire. The fangs make it hard to speak at first, she sounds as if she’s wearing a retainer, but she gets used to it pretty quick.

Awkwardly, like an acne ridden middle schooler posing for a school picture, Nicole shuffles out and flashes her teeth. Waverly hums in approval, raises her cup high much too fast and comes back down much too slow (she’s so obviously intoxicated that it’s laughable). 

“You look kind of badass, Haught.” Wynonna says, nudging them both out the doorway and into the crowd. 

“Really?” 

Mimicking Nicole from at graduation, Wynonna punches her shoulder and grins. “Yeah, dude. Really.” 

__

It’s so odd being around college students and Wynonna’s potential friends. Nicole thought she would stick out but she quickly realizes that the setting isn’t too different from any other party she has been to and she’s taller than most of the people there. She could easily pass as one of them - and she does. 

Boys keep looking at her like they might actually have a shot and Nicole is too awkward to tell them that even if she was straight, they wouldn’t be able to get anything from her. She’s pretty sure that by the end of the night she will have had to yell that she’s ‘kind of in love with the host’ over the music. 

It takes a while but soon Nicole finds Wynonna sitting in the kitchen (she hasn’t seen Wynonna move once from that spot but doesn’t question it, figuring Wynonna had moved sometime without Nicole seeing) with a bottle of water in her hand. Unfortunately, some random guy - Nicole is calling him Red Shirt Man since his shirt literally says ‘this is a red shirt’ and he’s sporting a full beard - is following her, talking about soccer.

“Actually, my girlfriend plays soccer.” Nicole interrupts him, putting emphasis on the word girlfriend. “She is really good at it.”

“Oh.” Random Red Shirt Guy says, following after her.

Since Nicole is facing away from him, she rolls her eyes, because she gets the sense that isn’t a ‘she’s a lesbian I’m going to leave’ oh. It’s more of a ‘I’m going to stick around and make sure’ oh, the type of oh that Nicole doesn’t have the energy for. She stands at Wynonna’s side, leaning slightly towards her for comfort. 

It becomes more than just a slight lean in seconds. Wynonna wraps an arm around her waist and Nicole nuzzles into that touch, clinging tightly to her arm. Nicole forgets where she is for a moment, always does whenever she’s with Wynonna, and only remembers when the guy in front of them slurps his beer loudly.

“Oh.” He says again, this time glancing between them, eyes slowed down by the alcohol.

They all put the dots together pretty quickly. 

“Hey baby.” Wynonna slips into the roll with ease, presses her fingertips hard against Nicole’s hip in a way that makes the room feel hot. “I was wondering where you went.”

“H-Hi.” Nicole’s voice cracks and she stutters when she speaks but it isn’t noticeable over the music.

To really sell the deal (and Nicole has to remind herself more than once that it’s only to convince this guy they’re dating, not for anything else) Wynonna sits up from her chair and pecks Nicole on the lips. Her body might as well be made of gasoline because the kiss is a match and Nicole feels the tingle it brings climb all around her body, wrapping around her skin like a neat Christmas bow. 

Cheeks puffed out and filled with beer, Red Shirt Guy swallows, mutters something under his breath then turns and leaves. Wynonna’s palm only lingers for a fraction longer than it should on Nicole’s side before she retracts her hand. Of course, Nicole feels instant disappointment. So of course, she presses the cup to her mouth and drinks until the feeling passes.

“You’re lucky, you know.” Wynonna says casually, pushing back her own hair so it’s out of her face. 

“How so?”

Nicole silently watches Wynonna fiddle with her hair, trying to tame it a little. Usually she wears that mess with honor, it is her favorite accessory. Tonight though, she just looks tired - like everything is too much. Nicole notices immediately but knows Wynonna will tell her what’s wrong eventually. 

“Boys at this age are weird.” Wynonna explains. “You’re lucky you don’t have to make the mistake of dating someone like that.” 

Lucky is a weird way to phrase it. Nicole never thought of herself as having much luck. She knew it was very stupid and irrational, but part of her wanted to have all those mistakes Wynonna spoke about. All the other girls she knew had ex boyfriends who were assholes and boys that they liked that did something to ruin their chances, but when those girls talked about it they did it in a way that made heartbreak feel like a rite of passage.

It set Nicole apart from them all. Other girls - normal girls, with normal lives and boring situations and endless routines - knew little heartbreaks. Little things like their boyfriends choosing video games over romance and dates broke them. While they cried about no slow dancing at prom, Nicole had to put up with age differences and often miles between her and Wynonna. 

So, lucky was a weird thing to call it, but she smiled and quietly agreed with Wynonna anyways.

“Yeah, sucks for you.” Nicole gently poked Wynonna’s stomach and was pleased to find that she was more than skin and bones. Not fat, but not unhealthy skinny either. She was glad Wynonna took care of herself.

“Whatever, nerd.” Wynonna said and then poked her back on the arm.

__

Eventually the apartment starts to smell like smoke. Not ‘something is burning in the oven’ smoke, but ‘a few people are definitely smoking weed’ smoke. Nicole knows the scent instantly because Champ’s parties always reek of it and there has been times when Wynonna has too. Except this time, when Nicole glances over she notices how tense Wynonna’s shoulders are and realizes that she is holding her breath. 

Odd. It seems everything about Wynonna at this party is weird. Healthy eating, basic hair grooming, and no drinking or drugs. Those are all good things, but them showing up on Wynonna all at once throws Nicole off. Still, Wynonna now looks uncomfortable and Nicole wants to change that.

Taking Wynonna’s hand, Nicole leads them off the chair and through the sea of people. A few of them greet Wynonna but she simply nods at them, not opening her mouth. Nicole is kind of surprised Wynonna lets her lead the way, considering this isn’t Nicole’s apartment and she has only been there a handful of times. Still, they make it back into Wynonna’s room easily enough. Once they are inside Wynonna finally exhales.

“Thanks, Haught.” 

“No problem.” Nicole shrugs and hesitantly takes a seat on the edge of Wynonna’s bed. “You looked like you could use a breather.”

Wynonna joins her. While Nicole sits there awkwardly, fiddling with her fingers, Wynonna flops down on her back and spreads her arms above her head. She looks at the sheets and then Wynonna splayed out on them, thinking that Wynonna has probably kissed a lot of boys and girls on this bed or in the apartment and now Nicole is forever added to that list. Even if it was just a quick peck, even if Wynonna appears to be sleepy and forgetting it.

“What’s up buttercup?” Nicole asks, nudging Wynonna’s knee. Thanks to the beer she feels no embarrassment and for once, does not cringe at the sentence she just said.

Wynonna, on the other hand, does. “I can’t tell if you’re tipsy or if you’ve just been spending too much time with Waverly.” 

“Both.” 

They both fall into silence once again. Nicole keeps sitting, too awkward to get comfortable. She listens to the music outside. Though it’s fainter now it is still pretty damn loud. It takes her a while to notice that Wynonna’s breathing has evened out and slowed, almost as if Wynonna is about to go to sleep. Usually, Nicole would drape a blanket over her and let her snooze, but she hasn’t found out what is wrong yet. 

“But seriously, something seems off.” Nicole speaks up, making Wynonna prop herself up on her elbows and listen. “You haven’t done anything reckless at this party. So, spill.” 

“I’m not doing anything reckless because I’m responsible.”

“So pigs have started flying, then?” 

Wynonna flicks Nicole’s arm. “Hey! Asshole.”

Nicole turns to face Wynonna and soon they are both flicking each other, going back and forth like stubborn children. They are both used to sneaking in small touches and contact with each other through wrestling and poke wars, so the flicking comes naturally. She revels in the little grin that grows on Wynonna’s face as they keep going. It makes Nicole feel much younger than she really is, but in the good way. 

Somewhere in the middle of it all, they end up stopping. Or pausing, maybe. Nicole isn’t sure who moves first, her or Wynonna. One of them reaches out their hand and so does the other, and then their palms are pressed together in the air while their fingers slowly lace. They have held hands before. It isn’t a big deal, except this time it feels like the world has frozen. 

So they’re sitting there on the bed, with their legs crossed and their hands clasped, and Nicole kind of can’t breathe. The laughter dies and takes Nicole’s chances of being calm tonight with it. There is always those moments Nicole gets, mostly with Wynonna, where she looks into a girl’s eyes and the world just - to put it lightly - crashes and fucking burns to shreds. 

Again, in a good way.

“This kind of reminds me of one of those cheesy movie moments right before the guy kisses the girl.” Wynonna points out, forcing a chuckle. Her grip on Nicole’s hands softens but does not go away completely. 

That’s normal, isn’t it? Wynonna always having a grip on Nicole.

Working on only bravery or just plain stupidity, Nicole leans forward. Their lips barely brush before she sits back again, waiting for Wynonna’s reaction. Nothing happens for a minute and Nicole thinks of everything that could go wrong (also, a huge ‘what the fuck’ runs through her mind, because what the fuck is she even doing). 

Then Wynonna is mimicking Nicole’s previous actions and they’re kissing, but for real. All Nicole sees behind her eyelids is darkness. The feelings inside of her still, only to come back strong with a vengeance. Nicole shudders and grins internally when she realizes Wynonna can probably feel it.

All of a sudden, Wynonna pulls back - close enough that their can noses brush but far enough that their lips can’t.

“What?” Nicole says. “Is this okay?”

Wynonna laughs a little bit as she kisses one of Nicole’s dimples gently. “You’re asking me if I’m okay with this?” 

“I just wanted to be sure.” She admits sheepishly.

“You’re adorable.”

Nicole rolls her eyes. “And you’re cheesy. Kiss me.”

So, at Nicole’s request, Wynonna does. Wynonna does a lot more than that actually. She pulls Nicole onto her lap she calls her cute at least three times between kisses, and in that small apartment room Nicole buries her fingers in Wynonna’s hair while Wynonna lights Nicole’s body on fire. 

Finally, finally, finally.

__

“Have you seen Wynonna?” Waverly asks Nicole the next morning in the beach house, holding a cup of coffee in her hand. “I checked her room this morning, didn’t see her. I figured she was out with you, but…” 

Nicole shrugs, because she hadn’t seen Wynonna since Wynonna kissed her goodnight and made a sex pun before walking away. “I’m sure she is around somewhere.”

Waverly nods and begins making breakfast, grabbing bacon strips and the like. In the meantime, Nicole thinks about where Wynonna might be, then decides the most valid answer to that question would be that Wynonna went on an early morning run. So while Waverly starts making pancakes, Nicole takes her phone out and texts Wynonna.

A loud beep goes off in the other room.

Both Waverly and Nicole turn towards the noise, share a quick glance, and then walk into the living room where it had come from. The couch is much too clean. The blanket is folded and the cushions look brand new, as if no one had been there at all. Nicole doesn’t like it. She is used to Wynonna’s mess being there, with the blankets thrown everywhere and a stain on the arm of the couch. 

This time, the only thing out of place is on the coffee table. It’s Wynonna’s phone, still lit up from the text Nicole had sent. Wynonna’s motorcycle keys, however, are gone. 

And finally, finally, finally, shit had hit the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorrryy


	15. I’ve Become So Numb (I Can’t Feel You There)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from the song Numb by Linkin Park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooh, it’s been a long time since I’ve updated. The school work has been piling up but also this was a hard chapter to write since Wynonna isn’t in it. 
> 
> Anyways, hope y’all enjoy.

“So she still hasn’t called?” Waverly asks for the third time that night, completely ignoring the game.

It’s the night before they leave for college and the only thing not packed in Nicole’s apartment is her Xbox. In celebration, Waverly and Nicole are playing a marathon round of Halo. Or, Nicole is playing while Waverly asks questions about Wynonna and the party and everything that happened. Nicole can’t really answer. Wynonna left her phone at the beach house so there is no way of contacting her, and no one knows where she went. 

(And boy, did Paul have a field day with this information. The grin never left his face as Waverly and Nicole had to come home and explain that Wynonna had simply taken off with no explanation or warning, like the ‘irresponsible child’ she is.)

“It’s been almost a year. Why would she call now, of all times?” Nicole replies to Waverly with her own question. If Nicole is honest, she is still in denial. 

Wynonna wouldn’t leave her. Would she? She was probably kidnapped or something. She’s probably waiting somewhere for Nicole to come find her. 

“Well, we’re going to college.” Waverly says, as if that explains everything. “Hasn’t Wynonna always talked about driving us there and introducing us to beer Ramen - which sounds horrible, by the way. I’m still kind of bummed we don’t get to try it.” 

“It’s just normal Ramen noodles with beer instead of water, Waverly. It isn’t that great.” 

“But it’s a rite of passage!” 

Nicole’s first instinct is to roll her eyes or snap back at Waverly, but instead she bites her tongue. Wynonna might be a sore subject for her, but it isn’t worth insulting Waverly over. She tries to downplay it and ignore everything, but honestly, ever since Wynonna left it feels like her whole body is one giant wound. Every small mention of Wynonna (Willa comments that Wynonna’s least favorite food is broccoli one day and Nicole’s mouth suddenly tastes bitter) or picture from the past sets her off. 

It isn’t only her mind either, the physical effects are starting to set in too. She’s become thin like a match, which is unfortunate for Nicole since everyone knows how much Wynonna enjoys playing with fires. The last day she showered was weeks ago and she’s starting to get acne across her cheeks, but with Wynonna gone Nicole can’t bring herself to care.

Maybe that’s unhealthy. No, not maybe. It is unhealthy, plain and simple. Wynonna should not be the only structure in her life. Nicole hadn’t even noticed how obsessed with Wynonna she had become until she was frantically searching every corner of the world for any sight of her and shaking when she found nothing.

“We can get some beer and Ramen on the drive there, okay?” Nicole gives in, leaning back and shrinking in on herself with a sigh as if she were a deflating balloon.

Waverly, on the other hand, perks up immediately and even goes as far to drape her arms around Nicole and kiss her friend’s cheek. 

“Thank you. I know it’s been hard.” 

Hard is an understatement. It seemed like everyone else was expecting this. Waverly sure was, after a day she barely blinked an eyelash at Wynonna’s absence. It was as if Nicole was the only one who had thought of Wynonna as a pure, ambitious light in the world that just occasionally had a cloud over it. 

Okay, so maybe Nicole’s previous views were a little unrealistic. Still. She wanted to have hope. 

Waverly goes to slowly take her arms off of Nicole but before she can, Nicole gently grabs Waverly’s wrist to hold her there. It’s a sudden decision, one that Nicole probably should have made ages ago. She wants to tell Waverly everything - about the kiss, the party, and Wynonna’s odd attitude during it. 

“I made out with your sister.” Nicole blurts. 

“Uh, what? I didn’t know Willa even liked girls. I didn’t even know you liked Willa.” She looks disgusted and Nicole rolls her eyes at the misunderstanding.

“Not Willa. Wynonna.” Nicole clarifies. Waverly’s disgust drops but turns into curiosity, so Nicole continues. “It was in her room before she left, at the Halloween party.”

That obviously sparks about a thousand questions in Waverly’s mind because seconds after Nicole finishes speaking, Waverly is piling words upon words with no sign of stopping. It’s a flashback to their first meeting and for once, Nicole feels good again.

__

The goodness doesn’t stay until the next day. In fact, it doesn’t even stay for the entire night. Her first encounter with Waverly also happens to be her first encounter with Wynonna, and the memory leaks into Nicole’s dreams. It’s goes the exact same as it did in real life, except in the dream Wynonna has Ramen instead of gummy bears and when she tosses the noodles at Nicole, it burns her whole body. In the dream, they aren’t friends.

Nicole is sure that there’s some sort of metaphor there, with the soup and the memory and the ache in the pit of her stomach when she wakes up. When she thinks about, she realizes all the warning signs were already there - both in real life and dream. Wynonna had been sitting in a police station wearing handcuffs for god sake, how dumb could Nicole have been?

Apparently, very. Very, very dumb.

__

College is fine. Not great or life changing, terrible or a dumpster fire. It’s just fine. Bland, even. Nicole and Waverly go to the same university but since it’s their first year, they both have to live in different rooms. Luckily, they live in the same dorm and Nicole’s roommate doesn’t turn out to be as bad as Waverly - an ethics major, who shames Waverly for taking more than four minute showers in the morning. 

The only thing that keeps Waverly’s roommate from killing her is the fact that Waverly is a vegan. Otherwise, Waverly swears she would have been viciously murdered in her sleep during the first week. 

In the mornings, Nicole and Waverly get coffee together at a nearby shop on campus. Then, Waverly goes to her first class while Nicole meets with her study group in the library. The study group consists of seven people, all which Nicole calls her friends despite having no idea what their names are. Mostly, she just tells Waverly about them. She doesn’t want Waverly to worry and frankly, the world feels a lot less lonely when she can ramble out a quick lie about something funny her ‘friend’ did.

The absolute best part about college, besides Waverly and (though she doesn’t want to admit it) beer Ramen, is her art classes. She takes two, one on campus and the other off. Nicole draws what everyone else draws. Flowers, fields, naked men and women, anything she can fit on her canvas. Yes, her art gets better from class, but the thing that really kicks her over the edge is what she does when she’s alone (never really alone, but with her roommate passed out on the other side of the room it’s all Nicole can get) and avoiding sleep.

It’s often random blotches of color mixed onto the canvas or quick sketches of party scenes, though she hasn’t attended one since Halloween. She thinks of Wynonna whenever she makes these and most of the time, despite her best efforts, there’s little pieces of Wynonna shoved into her art.

Blue paint the same color of her eyes, a flame in the back of a random scene that reminds Nicole of cigarettes, dots across a painted wooden table that vaguely resemble the summer freckles on Wynonna’s collarbones.

It’s making it hard to forget everything. Though soon enough, Nicole easily falls into this routine. Coffee, studying, bullshit, sleep, and late night art.

As always, she can’t help but imagine how things would go if Wynonna was actually there. If Nicole had been a little bit older and Wynonna a little younger they could’ve gone to college around the same time. She thinks about how Wynonna would drag her out of her dorm room for midnight showings of Rocky Horror and afternoon cocktails by the large fountain in the middle of campus. They’d live off of Ramen and Red Bull and spend hours listening to old music or simply talking when they’re supposed to be getting work done. 

Nicole would paint those Red Bull nights with gold, pink, and red - everything to signify the joy she would feel just sitting and speaking with Wynonna. Instead all her memories are blue or grey, tinted with this drop of sadness Nicole hadn’t ever added to Wynonna before. 

She wonders where her friend is, and she hopes it’s somewhere nice, but she prays Wynonna will step back into the boring old city they were raised in.

One chilly Thursday morning, Nicole is thinking of Wynonna while she walks with Waverly to the coffee shop. 

“My sister called.” Waverly says, not naming which sibling it is.

Some dumb part of Nicole sparks with hope and she has to ask. “Wynonna?”

“Willa.”

“Oh.”

“You know, it’s probably not your fault.” Waverly tells her, seemingly random. “About Wynonna. I can tell you’re thinking about her… you have that look. And anyways, I know she wouldn’t leave because of you.”

At the mention of a ‘look’ related to Wynonna, Nicole swipes at her face a couple times and scrunched her nose. The result is an odd, warm feeling across her cheek made by her own hand. She doesn’t like the fact that her lingering care for Wynonna can still be seen, present on her face.

“Then why?” Nicole asks.

Waverly lifts one of her shoulders to her ear. “I don’t know.”

They’ve gone over the possibilities many times but it seems to all just boil down to three words: Wynonna is unreliable.

“So when are you going to show me some of this art you’ve been mentioning?” Waverly questions and suddenly, the subject changes. 

They go the shop. They get their get coffee. Waverly giggles when Nicole accidentally grabs too many napkins and has to shove the spare into her pockets until they puff up like the cheeks of a Chipmunk. Nicole nearly spits out her latte when she notices the phone number written along the bottom edge of her cup. She glances at the girl behind the counter, who smiles and waves in return.

It’s a blonde. She has green eyes and tanned skin, like she had spent a long summer in the sun. The employee is one of those people that radiates happiness and warmth, probably speaks in a high pitched, bubbly tone too. To make long story short, she is everything Wynonna is not.

Nicole saves the number in her phone instantly.

__

Apparently, the girl has a name. Monica. It’s weird to hear it because for about a week both Nicole and Waverly referred to her as ‘coffee girl’. They go on a couple dates, then suddenly it’s a weekly thing, and suddenly Monica is holding Nicole’s hand in front of a crowd, introducing Nicole as her girlfriend before they have even discussed it. So, Nicole is stuck. Not that she minds much.

Monica is nice enough. She makes Nicole laugh. Her family has money and she’s planning on becoming a doctor, so her future is bright. If they got married, Nicole’s future would be bright to. Maybe love isn’t about fireworks exploding during kisses and inside jokes whispered into ears over dinner, maybe love is simply settling with someone who actually seems to care.

Maybe Nicole is ready to settle.

She’s thinking about that (she’s always thinking these days, while other kids party Nicole stands in the crowd and sips whiskey while her thoughts attack her) while Monica climbs on top of her one afternoon, attaching her lips to Nicole’s skin. 

It’s nice. That’s it. 

Nicole forces a moan to sound into it and stares at the ceiling. She’s used to being on top but whatever, that doesn’t matter. This must be what settling feels like. 

When her phone rings, Nicole is almost glad. Kissing Monica is kind of suffocating, and not the good type of suffocating. It isn’t like when she kissed Wynonna, when they kissed for so long that the breath left Nicole’s throat and they had to pull away. It’s more like those brief moments in a pillow fight where someone gets too excited and pushes it over your face, Nicole knows there is no danger but her defense system kicks in and all she wants to do is run. 

Leaning over towards the nightstand, Nicole grabs her phone and checks the caller ID. It’s her father. Okay, so suffocating might not be so bad then.

“Who is it, babe?”

“It’s my dad.” Nicole responds and Monica shifts off Nicole’s legs until she is sitting on the bed, giving her space to take the call. She thinks about answering it right then and there in front of Monica but then she realizes she hasn’t come out to her dad yet (honestly Nicole is nineteen, she should really try to get on that), and she might have to lie about a fake boyfriend. 

Nicole slides off the bed and apologizes quietly before leaving the room.

She presses answer. “Hey dad.” 

“Nicole. Hi.” He sounds surprised but then clears his throat. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. You haven’t called in awhile.”

There’s an awkward pause where Nicole doesn’t know what to say. She’s aware her father probably wants her to tell him she has been busy and couldn’t find the time, but honestly there were many points throughout the last few months where she could have spoken to him. Telling him details about her life was scary. It was like handing a fussy baby an iPhone, he could ruin everything if he wanted. 

Eventually, the silence makes Nicole’s resolve crumble. She hesitantly starts talking about her classes and somehow that turns into a conversation about her art.

“I, um, actually won this art contest last week. They’re putting my painting up in a museum.” Nicole admits. Ironically, he’s the first person she tells. She’s not sure why that’s ironic but it sure feels that way, her father was the last person on earth Nicole imagined telling about her artwork or her life.

“Did you make money off of it?”

A small, disappointed sigh leaves her lips. “Yeah, dad. They paid me. They’re unveiling it in a few days and then I’m getting the check.” 

Some shuffling happens on the other line and she hears the faint sound of people talking followed by faint explosions. Nicole assumes her dad is watching some type of television show and bites down on her tongue from commenting on it. His attention span was never very long, especially when it was something involving her.

“Good.” Paul says and the background sounds change to music. “What about boys?”

“What about them?”

“Are you dating anyone? You know I’m waiting for the day you’re going to bring me back some grandkids.” 

The thought of that happening makes Nicole want to throw up. She knows that at some point she will have to return to the apartment and announce her wedding then let both of her parents hold her newborn babies, but she doesn’t want to. Nicole sees the wedding not going well, with Paul drunk of his ass and slurring homophobic comments under his breath while her mother walks around and unintentionally makes an ass of herself. 

She doesn’t think her mom is much of a homophobe, but Stephanie doesn’t really know when to shut the fuck up or how to sense when something she’s saying sounds terrible. At least she has good intentions but still, good intentions are for holidays not one of the most important days of Nicole’s young life.

“I am, actually.” Nicole lies. In her mind’s eye, she can imagine her dad perking up at this information and possibly turning the television volume down.

The next few sentences pain her. “His name is… Matt. He’s studying to be a doctor and he’s actually pretty smart so I think that will work out. It’s only been a couple months or so of dating though, so we’ll see how things turn out on the grandkids thing.”

On the other line, her dad laughs good naturedly. Nicole swears she feels her ear, then head throb with a newly formed headache at the sound of it.

__

On the day of the unveiling, Nicole is there with Monica, Waverly, and Jeremy - also, Jeremy’s boyfriend whose name she can’t seem to remember. He is cute though and he makes Jeremy smile easily, so Nicole approves.

They all walk in a pack around the museum. Together, they get a chance to see all the artwork but keep rounding back around to Nicole’s to check if it’s being shown yet. It doesn’t take long for some guy in a suit to come around and pull the veil down. Waverly gasps - a little overdramatically if you ask Nicole and everyone in a mile radius - when she first sees it, while Monica squeezes Nicole’s side and kisses her cheek.

It really is some of her best work. It’s a girl (because of course it is) but she’s crying and when she does, the single tear that falls down her cheek turns into a puddle of stars at the bottom of the canvas. On some level, it looks like Nicole has captured the universe. Or at least, that’s how her teacher and the judges had described it. To Nicole, it’s just paint.

There is a tint of color on the tear that is the same shade of Wynonna’s eyes and she hates it. She made it so the girl crying is obviously Monica and it looks like some sort of tribute, but that small detail on the tear means more than the whole rest of the painting. Wynonna is the tear and the tear is technically the universe, and even though Nicole hadn’t known it when she painted it, Wynonna means the universe to her.

That fucking sucks more than anything.

Seriously, Nicole sees Wynonna everywhere. Just a few minutes after, once they are all done gawking at the artwork, Nicole glances back at hers and sees a woman with dark hair standing there. The woman reminds her immediately of Wynonna, from the hair to the skin to the black dress and the leather jacket. 

In fact, the jacket has a familiar burn mark on the back of it from when Waverly had told Wynonna ‘smoking is bad’ and then put it out against the leather. The way the woman is standing is similar to how Wynonna does too, with the slight slant in her posture and one knee bent while the other leg is straight. 

The woman even lifts her hand and runs a hand through her hair, casually, the same way Nicole has seen Wynonna do a thousand times.

Wait. What the fuck?

“Wynonna?” Nicole asks. At that, Waverly and Jeremy’s heads turn towards the woman instantly. Whoever she is, her body jerks at the name and then she’s quite literally running away from the situation.

Nicole basically pushes Monica’s arm off of her in her haste to get to (possibly) Wynonna.

“Wynonna! What the- wait!” 

She runs after her as fast as possible, but it’s hard for Nicole to do with her heels on and the tight dress stopping her usually, long strides. For a moment, Nicole gets so close to Possible Wynonna that her fingertips graze against her shoulder. 

Finally, Nicole ends up standing outside the museum, looking every which way and finding no one. She’s alone, making an ass of herself on an empty street. Possible Wynonna disappeared, maybe down an alley, maybe into thin air. Who the hell knows? 

The only clear thing is that wherever Possible Wynonna and Real Wynonna were, they both didn’t want to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your theories in the comments. 
> 
> Where do you think Wynonna is? Do you think that was her at the museum? What do y’all think of Monica?


	16. Wynonna Says Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter from Wynonna’s point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, quick update this time.
> 
> I’ve been planning on doing a chapter that shows Wynonna’s side of things but I didn’t know when I wanted to do it until now.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Wynonna wakes up in the morning with a stuffy nose, cold toes, and the soft, unrelenting sound of rain hitting the apartment building. It’s been unusually chilly in California for the last month or two and with December quickly approaching, it looks as if they might actually have some traditional Christmas weather for the holiday. Which is good, partially because Wynonna has always liked cooler weather but also because she’s been wanting to introduce Alice to snow since she had her.

Maybe, just maybe, she’ll go back to New York and show her daughter real snow instead of the fake stuff from the store. In reality, she won’t. Going back that one time to the museum was risky enough, Nicole almost caught her (Wynonna had forgotten just how fast she really was). It doesn’t matter if seeing another girl in Nicole’s art made Wynonna’s blood burn, returning home with her tail between her legs seemed worse than staying away altogether.

Not to say that she hadn’t thought about going home. She thought about it weekly. She thought about Nicole daily. Like now, when the sunlight was just beginning to seep in through the windows, Wynonna thought about how Nicole would refer to it as peach rather than orange. Or not even peach, some other color that would sound pretty when Nicole said it but pretentious if anyone else did.

The baby starts crying before Wynonna gets a chance to look up different shades of oranges. She groans then, because she’s sure her baby got her fussy side from Doc - Wynonna just hopes Alice won’t grow a thick mustache too.

“Alice, honey.” Wynonna mumbles, rubbing at her own eyes until they make her vision blurry. She complains, but swings her legs off the side of the bed and heads towards her daughter anyways. “Stop crying, please. It’s too early for tears.”

Already used to this, Wynonna leans over the crib and puts her pinky in front of Alice’s face. In a few seconds, two tiny hands grasp onto Wynonna’s finger and a pleased sound leaves the baby’s lips. It’s only been about four months since Wynonna gave birth to her and it’s been two since she figured out all it took to calm Alice down was her pinky. 

Pregnancy had been weird. Being alone and pregnant was even worse, because she had to make midnight trips to the grocery store and satisfy her weird cravings herself. (If Nicole or Waverly knew about the baby, she’s sure the two would be running back and forth to get Wynonna pickles with ice cream or any other weird combo she could think of.) 

“You want to meet Auntie Waverly sometime?” Wynonna asks. 

Another pleased giggle comes.

“What about Nicole?” 

Another equally happy giggle.

About a year ago, Wynonna swore she would never be one of those people who have conversations with their baby or dog, fully knowing that they wouldn’t get a response, but here she is. Spending a morning talking to a baby. Her best friend is now someone who hasn’t even tried solid food yet. 

__

For the last year, most days of Wynonna’s life have been going like this: wake up, feed Alice, go to work and leave her daughter with a babysitter, come back on breaks to see Alice, then back to work, eat, masturbate a little (in the bathroom because she shares the room with her baby and doesn’t want to traumatize her), then sleep. Wynonna plans on repeating that routine for at least the next five or so years of her life.

The old Wynonna might have wanted to go out to a party every night of the week, have sex with douchebags, or spend a day alone in her bed with a bottle of whiskey. This new, slightly upgraded Wynonna understands one thing: she loves Alice more than anything. It was simple for her, that baby left her body and once the birth was over Wynonna instantly knew - whatever she did, Alice came first. 

Which was why she left. Everyone back home knew her as a criminal and expected the worst from her, not counting Nicole. She didn’t need her daughter being exposed to that. At first, the plan had been to leave after Halloween and figure out a way to tell Waverly and Nicole about the pregnancy within a week. A week turned into a month and a month turned into nine months and a ball of cells the size of an orange turned into Alice. Then, it had been too long and it was too late.

(If she was being honest, part of why she left was because she was scared of her life, of her own feelings.)

She has one friend besides her baby now. His name is Brian and he is the manager at the diner she works at. While Brian takes smoke breaks, Wynonna sits a safe distance away - she can’t bring the smell back into the apartment - and scrolls through Nicole’s website. 

Fuck, that’s so weird to say. For one thing it makes her would stalkerish. For another, the thought of Nicole Haught having her own art website after all these years is crazy. There it is though, right on her phone with the viewer count in the corner going up as everyday passes by. Wynonna thinks about buying a piece, not only because it’s Nicole, but because she actually likes the drawings and paintings shown. 

Of course, she decides against it. She can’t make herself known. So instead, Wynonna spends her free time on the website waiting for new artwork to be put up, like a creeper. 

By the time she has finished her shift, fed and changed Alice, and showered, Wynonna is sure she has been staring at the same drawing for about an hour. It’s of a drum kit, specifically Wynonna’s. The way it’s drawn with the dark colors and shading makes it seem as if the drums are a casket instead of an instrument. 

She feels this odd pang in her stomach when she looks at it - remembers long nights spent glancing at Nicole over that kit, wondering what Nicole was drawing - and that feeling stays, even as the hours pass and Wynonna reluctantly falls asleep with her phone in her hand.

__

At midnight, the phone rings. Literally, exactly midnight. It’s like Wynonna is living in her own personal fanfiction or something. She’s basically a crappy version of Cinderella with worse shoes.

“Uh, hi. Who’s this?”

When Wynonna asks, a policeman responds. He slowly (it’s clear that he is tired) explains that Nicole Haught is being kept in a nearby station and that since Wynonna is still her emergency contact, she has to come pick Nicole up or she won’t be released. To put it simply, it’s a surprise to get the call. The police station is pretty close though, about a half hour drive. Close enough that Wynonna is surprised they hadn’t ran into each other already, or hell, ended up in the same jail cell.

So, despite her better judgement, Wynonna grabs Alice before getting into her car to go meet Nicole. It’s really stupid. She shouldn’t be taking her daughter out this late and she should probably be calling Nicole’s parents like a responsible adult would, but even with a child Wynonna isn’t even close to feeling responsible. The guy on the phone didn’t even mention what Nicole was being kept for and if he had, Wynonna still wouldn’t have heard him. Her brain and ears kind of stopped working properly when she heard Nicole’s name for the first time in over a year.

That’s her fault though. She could have been hearing and saying (possibly moaning) Nicole’s name multiple times a week if she had just been a little braver.

Thankfully, Alice barely stirs on the ride over. Wynonna thanks god that not a lot of people are on the road at this time of night, or else the loud honking, headlights, and generally annoying car noises would have woken her up. Instead, they both get there without making a big deal out of things. It is a big deal. Wynonna realizes that as she sits outside of the dimly lit police station, watching navy colored figures move around in the windows.

It’s all kind of weird, getting out of that car with her baby strapped to her chest (yes, okay, Wynonna Earp got one of those lame ass baby carriers that are like the parent equivalent of fanny packs) and going into the station with her wrists free of handcuffs. When Wynonna steps in all the men and women in there greet her with polite nods instead of unsubtle glares. Wynonna isn’t used to not being treated like a criminal.

She walks up to the largest desk in the room and almost calls the grey-haired man behind it Nedley on accident. 

“Wait.” Nedley’s lookalike says, leaving Wynonna to quickly shut her mouth. “I’m guessing from the leather and the vampire skin you’re Earp.” 

At that, Wynonna rocks back and forth on her heels awkwardly, careful not to wake Alice as she does it.

“Wynonna Earp, actually.” 

He offers a kind smile and clicks his pen. “That’s an unfortunate last name.” 

It is but Wynonna doesn’t see why some random cop is commenting on it. Still, that random cop probably has a gun and baton strapped to him somewhere and it is best not to argue with a man that owns multiple weapons. Maybe Wynonna has grown up a little bit, if she were a teenager she would have snapped at him.

“You’re here for Nicole Haught, I assume.” Nedley 2.0 begins flipping through some paperwork. Wynonna nods in response. 

The man goes on. “She got into a fight in an arcade down the street, along with several other people. A witness says she hit a guy with a chair over Pac Man, but it was self defense and this is her first offense, so… take her.” 

“Really?” Wynonna couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice. If she had done that at Nicole’s age, she would be spending the night in a cell and probably charged with assault. Nicole must have four leaf clovers hidden in her bras or something.

“Yeah. I don’t want to do the paperwork. Go get your girlfriend.” 

“She’s not my-“ Wynonna cuts herself off with a long sigh. Why does explaining their relationship matter anyways? “Whatever. Where’s the crazy one?”

The Nedley Clone smiles harder at the nickname and points towards the room behind him.

Inside the back room, Wynonna finds Nicole sitting alone in a plastic chair. The breath leaves her throat as soon as she does. For one thing, Nicole looks so pretty when she’s asleep, like nothing has ever hurt her before. Secondly, Nicole has a cut on her bottom lip, a bruise forming above her right eyebrow, and blood matted into her hair. It looks darker with the added color to it, almost garnet (yes, Wynonna did look up pretentious things to call the color red earlier). Third, Nicole is slumped over, leather-clad, and handcuffed. 

She is almost mimicking how Wynonna looked when they first met, down to the blunt, ‘no fucks given’ attitude. The nostalgia hits Wynonna hard. 

Wynonna approaches Nicole, who looks close to falling asleep, and drops to her knees once she is close enough. She touches Nicole’s forearm first, dragging her fingers up until her hand cups Nicole’s cheek. The motion comes too quick, like Wynonna is afraid of touching Nicole - almost as if she doesn’t feel she has the right to.

Nicole’s eyelids take longer than usual to flutter open. When she speaks, it sounds wrecked. “Wynonna?” 

Okay. Nicole is clearly drunk. Wynonna exhales in relief, guessing that Nicole is drunk enough that she won’t remember this in the morning. Once she realizes that there isn’t much chance of Nicole yelling at her, freaking out, or coming to find her the next day, Wynonna lets her touch rest a bit more firmly. 

“Hi Haught.” Wynonna says. Her voice breaks on the second word and then she’s crying, not knowing how much she resembles Nicole’s painting at the moment. A single tear leaks out of her eye and makes its way down the curve of her jaw before dripping off her chin. Wynonna presses her palm to the trail it left and wipes it until it’s dry and the moment has passed.

How weak of her, to leave and then cry about her own idiotic decision. 

“You… baby. Why baby?” Nicole mumbles. Wynonna can’t tell if Nicole is calling her a baby for crying, calling her baby like an intimate nickname, or pointing out the actual baby strapped to her chest. Probably the third one. 

“Her name is Alice.” 

Just as Wynonna is tracing Nicole’s cuffed wrist with her finger, the door swings open and a cop wordlessly unlocks it. 

Nicole’s eyelids droop down along with her body but Wynonna is quick to grab Nicole and pull her up, holding her against her side. It takes a little effort to adjust themselves so Wynonna can hold Nicole while not disturbing the baby or tipping over herself, but they do it. As they walk out, Nedley’s twin gives them a mocking look that says ‘I don’t believe for a second that you two aren’t dating’.

She loads Nicole into the car first, placing her at a awkward angle in the passenger seat before strapping Alice into the car seat in the back. Then, Wynonna moves Nicole into a more comfortable position and pulls the seatbelt over her waist. Nicole shifts and whines as Wynonna tries to click it into place. Eventually Nicole ends up helping despite her drunk state and Wynonna whispers a fast ‘thank you’ before shutting the door and circling around to the driver’s side.

The drive back is almost silent. Nicole has the same vocabulary as a four month old baby at the moment, so half the time when Nicole mumbles something Wynonna worries it’s just Alice waking up. Also, as she is driving Wynonna flops between ideas of where to take Nicole.

If Wynonna takes Nicole back to her apartment, there is a chance that some part of Nicole will remember where to find her. On the other hand, there isn’t really anywhere else Wynonna can take Nicole this late in the night unless she wants to contact Waverly - and bringing a bloodied Nicole to Waverly during the middle of the night is never a good idea. 

Finally, Wynonna decides that she’ll bring Nicole to her apartment, clean her up, then find Nicole’s address from her phone and drop her off there. 

They get back quickly due to the lack of cars on the road then spend a long time getting up the stairs (screw those assholes who won’t fix the elevator). By the time Wynonna has locked the door behind her she is sure she won’t have to workout for the next day or two. She puts Alice back in her crib and then drags Nicole by her arm into the kitchen. 

Wynonna sets a chair down by the sink and then places Nicole in it. As gently as possible, Wynonna tilts Nicole’s head back and turns on the faucet. When the cold water hits Nicole’s hair it immediately begins to turn pink and her eyes shoot open at the sudden change in temperature.

“Wy- What are you doing?“

“Shh, Haught. I’m cleaning you up.” Wynonna slowly drags her hands through the wet strands and makes sure that they are clean. 

A small moan leaves Nicole’s lips and Wynonna pauses, untwisting the knot in her stomach before continuing. This is so not the time for that. It should never be the time for that. Nicole is (or used to be) her friend and thinking about her that way is wrong, especially while she is intoxicated. Still, Wynonna can’t help her feelings. If she could then she would be married to some random guy and living in the suburbs by now.

Nicole’s mouth struggles to form words. “I missed… asshole.” 

Wynonna’s eyebrows raise at that but she slowly puts the dots together and realizes Nicole is both calling her a dumbass and saying she missed her.

“I missed you too, nerd. Things are very different without you.” Wynonna lets the water run until it turns clear. Next, she grabs two towels out of a drawer. One she uses to wrap Nicole’s hair and the other she wets, squeezes the excess water out, and uses to clean Nicole’s face.

The kitchen is dark. Wynonna has to lean in extra close to see the details on her features. She cleans the cuts along her lip as carefully as possible, cupping the nape of Nicole’s neck while she runs the cloth over it until the blood isn’t visible anymore. Her touch has become kinder in general. Having a baby does that to a person. Almost nothing stops Wynonna’s steady hand these days.

“I wish you would kiss me.” Nicole admits, causing Wynonna to swipe the towel hard across the cut. It makes Nicole wince and Wynonna rush out an apology.

Hey, she said almost nothing.

As much as the idea of kissing Nicole sounds fun, it also sounds like it would raise a thousand new problems. Not wanting to name all of them, Wynonna settles on one reason and sticks to it.

“Not while you’re drunk.”

“But I- I’ve been waiting.” With a lot of effort, Nicole brings her hand up to touch Wynonna’s wrist and hold it there. “Please.” 

Wynonna glances at Nicole’s lips, briefly considering it. Eventually she sighs and leans up higher, pressing a kiss to Nicole’s forehead. She doesn’t let it linger - wouldn’t dare to. 

After that, Wynonna finishes cleaning the rest of Nicole’s face quickly. She has to go through the whole procedure of getting Alice and Nicole out of the apartment and into the car again but it isn’t so bad the second time around. On Nicole’s phone in her notes there’s an address from across town typed into it, labeled: my house (in the middle of the street). Wynonna rolls her eyes at the lyrics in parentheses but can’t fight the smile that comes with reading it.

When Wynonna gets there to drop Nicole off, she climbs to the third floor. Each room has a whiteboard on the door and while a lot of them have large, hairy dicks drawn on them, one of them says ‘Waverly and Nicole’. Wynonna stands outside the door for longer than she should, her arm around the girl she loves with the sister she abandoned only a few feet away. 

Knocking, staying, talking to Waverly and telling them both everything passes through Wynonna’s mind. That is the brave thing to do. Though everyone knows that Wynonna is a coward. She knocks on the wood hard, twice, leans Nicole’s body against the door and takes of.

By the time Waverly is swinging open the door, Wynonna is already halfway down the stairs and sprinting towards her car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did just have Wynonna see Nicole twice without Nicole knowing it was her. I feel evil.


	17. Wedding Bells Were Just Alarms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I miss you when I can't sleep  
> Or right after coffee or right when I can't eatI miss you in my front seat  
> Still got sand in my sweaters  
> From nights we don't remember  
> Do you miss me like I miss you?  
> Fucked around and got attached to youFriends can break your heart too  
> And I'm always tired but never of you
> 
> \- I hate u, I love u - gnash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna is back and shit is heating upppppppp

At age twenty-one, Nicole is pretty sure she is going to marry Monica. 

There is no reason for her not to. No Wynonna. No bumps in the road or on the horizon. No objections from anyone. Even her parents think it’s a good idea. When Nicole had come out she quickly confessed that she also had a girlfriend - a smart, rich girlfriend that she was in a committed relationship with. The anger and homophobia simmered down when her father heard that. Monica could probably take care of her more than any other guy could, and that seals the deal for everyone.

If Nicole is honest, she is kind of okay with marrying Monica. The thought used to make her sick to her stomach but now it just makes her feel a little ill. Besides, Monica does a lot of stuff for her. Monica buys her nice clothing and expensive supplies for art and she even called in a favor with the dean of their school (who’s Monica’s cousin, by the way) to let Waverly and Nicole room together last year. She’s kind of perfect, like a human Barbie. 

Maybe, just maybe, Nicole is kind of waiting for Monica to reveal a flaw or something small to show she isn’t a crazy, yoga obsessed robot with highlights. That’s a big maybe though. (Of course nothing like that ever - and when she says ever, she means never fucking ever - happens).

Seriously. 

It’s kind of freaking Nicole out. 

Monica is simply flawless. Nicole watches her every morning from their king sized bed. She goes through the same routine everyday at five in the morning. Wakes up, brushes her teeth and flosses, comes back into the bedroom to kiss Nicole on the cheek and then changes in front of Nicole and their dog. The part about Monica changing in front of Nicole is important, simply because every time she does all Nicole can think is that she doesn’t look like Wynonna.

Of course Nicole didn’t expect Monica to suddenly be pale and sharp everywhere and have Wynonna’s exact body, but Nicole just didn’t expect… well, she didn’t know what she was expecting. All she knows is Wynonna’s body has scars and a birthmark and a couple of pink stretch marks along her shoulders that kind of remind Nicole of spiderwebs - in a cool way, obviously. Monica’s has none of that. Monica looks like the type of girl you find on the cover of a magazine, it’s like she’s not real. 

Nicole is thinking that exact thought one morning when she’s woken up by her daily kiss. Their apartment is too nice, too big for Nicole to feel at home. She realizes that it’s weird that she wants a smaller place to live in. Anyone else would be happy but all Nicole wants is a cramped little home, filled to the brim with different memories.

A stack of motorcycle magazines in the corner. Packs of gummy candies and untouched vegan food in the cupboards. Music always playing out of a record player (“It sounds better this way.” Wynonna would argue.) and horror movies on the television. Wrestling each other over who gets to go take a shower first. Wynonna, half-naked and half-asleep next to her, letting Nicole sleepily trace her tattoos all morning. Wynonna, fully naked and-

“Nicole? Honey?” Monica asks, dragging Nicole out of her fantasy. The guilt hits her like a wet blanket and drenches her arousal. 

It takes her a second to realize Monica is on top of her. Nicole bites back a sigh, she really isn’t in the mood for any of this. Still, she lets herself be loosely pinned and tries not to squirm when Monica kisses her forehead - Wynonna had kissed her there so many times Nicole sometimes feels like she should tattoo ‘property of Wynonna there’.

Another kiss lands on her forehead, cleaning the tattoo thought away. “You seem distant lately, Nicky.” 

“I’m just tired.” She lies. “Classes have been really stressful.” 

Truthfully, ever since this one night Nicole hasn’t been able to connect with Monica as well as she had been. For a moment there they had been doing well together. Then Nicole went out and got drunk, into some crazy bar fight with a guy who insulted her somehow, (she really doesn’t remember) and woke up the next morning freshly cleaned in her bed. According to Waverly, Nicole had shown up outside their room alone and unconscious. 

All she remembers is Pac Man, the sound of a baby whining, and strangely, a pair of hands touching her face. Gently. Softly. Like the hands belonged to someone who knew her already.

“You’re not even listening. Again.” Monica points out. 

Fuck. Nicole seriously needs to stop doing that. She doesn’t even realize she’s zoning out.

“Sorry. Again.” 

Monica rolls her eyes. “You say that twice a day.” 

She tries to climb off her, clearly annoyed, but Nicole grabs her waist and pulls Monica back on top. It’s partially just to avoid an argument. Nicole takes Monica’s hand in hers (and for a second, Nicole almost obsessively inspects Monica’s hands to see if they match - of course, they don’t) and squeezes it carefully. 

“Let’s go get dinner or something tonight.” Nicole suggests, causing Monica’s face to brighten instantly. Sure, Monica will probably end up paying for the whole night and Nicole will probably have odd, guilt sex that makes Nicole kind of feel like a prostitute. After all, she can’t just not make an effort to have sex with her girlfriend, especially when she pays for half of Nicole’s everything.

It’s kind of like how she never stood up to her dad because he used to pay for all of her meals and housing.

“Really?” Monica asks. Nicole silently wishes she thought that her girlfriend’s green eyes sparkled or shined or did something special. “You mean it?”

“Of course I do, honey.” She replies.

Monica grins widely. “Okay, good. I’ll make a reservation at La Lez for two. I have something big to tell you, anyways.”

Nicole isn’t even the slightest bit excited, like she should be. They’re probably going on some expensive trip and the thought of Monica spending more money on her makes Nicole feel uncomfortable. Of course, she doesn’t voice this unease - most days, she tries not to speak much to Monica at all. 

She watches silently as Monica climbs off her, looking happier now. They both go through their morning routines. Monica does her sixteen step, intense face washing program while Nicole pulls out her phone and starts lazily texting Waverly. 

Eventually, once Monica leaves, Nicole decides it would be much easier to just FaceTime Waverly while she makes breakfast. Her finger scrolls through her contacts and stupidly lingers around the Earps. She has Will and Waverly’s number, and of course, Wynonna’s.

The last thirty texts Nicole sent to Wynonna make her seem pathetic and incredibly desperate. None of them are returned by Wynonna and they’re all Nicole pleading with her to come back. If she scrolls up to their older texts it gets better. All feelings (both romantic and platonic) aside, Nicole really misses having someone who she could go back and forth bantering with. 

Suddenly her phone rings, stopping her thoughts. Nicole sees Waverly’s contact come up on the screen and pressers answer. She sees Waverly, covered in pancake batter and running around her kitchen immediately. 

“Oh, hey Nicole. What’s up? What’s poppin’? Anything particularly interesting happening? Like, out of the norm?” Waverly pauses in front of the phone briefly. “Why are you still in bed?”

It may or may not be eight in the morning. She may or may not have already missed a class or two. Maybe she should be out and dressed by now.

“Why are you acting weird?” Nicole counters.

“I’m not.”

“But you are.”

“But I’m not.”

“You asked me ‘what’s poppin’’, I think there’s definitely something wrong with you.” She points out, which makes Waverly frown. Nicole squints at the screen, seeing the groceries Waverly had bought behind her in the kitchen. Part of her wonders why Waverly, a grown woman with no pets and a self-proclaimed ‘health specialist’ is buying candy and dog treats.

Waverly shrugs and also completely avoids the subject. “Got any special visitors lately?”

“No, I-“ The doorbell to Nicole’s apartment rings and Waverly squeals excitedly. 

A pair of batter dipped hands cover the screen as Waverly tries to hang up. “Okay, well, that sounds like someone is there and you should answer the door - bye Nicole!”

Weird.

Nicole reluctantly rolls out of bed and sets her feet on the cold floor. She had wanted a carpet in the bedroom but Monica protested that they would somehow end up spilling paint on it. Never mind the face that the hardwood floors were always cold as fuck and more often than not, Nicole would slip and fall on her face while trying to walk across the floor.

This time, she slides across it perfectly and feels like a flying bird for a second before she has to catch herself at the doorway. It’s fun and then it’s suddenly not, because she realizes once again that no one is giving her a high five and calling her Haught. 

The doorbell rings again, reminding Nicole of what she’s supposed to be doing. She makes her way to the front door and rubs the crust out of her eyes (honestly, she looks like shit) before opening it. 

And, okay, maybe the appropriate response when seeing the love of your life after a couple years isn’t to slam the door in her face - but, well, that doesn’t stop Nicole from doing it and adding a frightened yelp too.

What is Wynonna doing here? 

Is she even really there?

“Uhm, Haught? You almost hit my nose there, bro.” Wynonna calls from outside.

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

“Right- yeah. Sorry.” Nicole apologizes but she still doesn’t open the door. “Just give me a second.” 

No one ever means an actual second when they say a second. Nicole definitely doesn’t. She spends a solid thirty seconds freaking out and then another thirty washing her face in the kitchen sink and putting on a hoodie to hide her stained tank top. It’s funny how Nicole should be mad at Wynonna and instead she’s just worried about how she looks. 

She hasn’t really tried to look pretty for someone in years and maybe hoodies aren’t the way to do it, but it’s not like Nicole can leave the door closed for an hour. 

“Hey.” Nicole says, a lot more casually then when she opened the door for the first time.

“Hey.” Wynonna replies. She bounces on her heels, offering no explanation whatsoever. “Can I come in?” 

No. 

Yeah, later when my girlfriend is here.

Yeah, once you tell me where the fuck you’ve been for the last three years.

All responses that Nicole should have said. All responses that Nicole probably would have said if she didn’t accidentally make the mistake of making eye contact with Wynonna. She had forgotten how blue Wynonna’s eyes were, forgot how Wynonna used to always smirk or grin when they’d see each other. It’s enough for Nicole to forget her anger completely and step aside to let Wynonna in. 

They end up in the kitchen with Wynonna sitting down at the table while Nicole goes through the fridge to get them a drink and snack. She has to push past five containers of chocolate protein shakes to find some frozen pizza and beers. Nicole puts the pizza in the microwave and silently appreciates the quiet humming that comes from the machine. The noise steals some of the tension in the room.

While Nicole is holding the bottles she nearly drops them because - holy shit - Wynonna is actually standing in her kitchen. 

“What are you doing here, Wynonna?” Nicole asks once the timer for the pizza gets down to one minute. She stays a safe distance away, standing at the counter. 

Wynonna grins at her (another ‘holy shit’ goes through Nicole’s mind). “I’m visiting a friend and stealing your food. I thought that was kind of clear.” 

Nicole has to stop herself from smiling.

“No, I mean, why now? Why’d you even leave in the first place?” She questions. Though they’re relatively far away from each other, Nicole hears Wynonna take in a sharp breath.

“Swear you’re not going to get mad?” Wynonna asks, to which Nicole nods.

Still, Wynonna wants to make sure. “Alright, then lesbian swear you won’t get mad.” 

“We’re not children. I’m not lesbian swearin-“

“Do it.” 

Nicole rolls her eyes but walks forward towards Wynonna, who holds up her fingers in a circle. Reluctantly, Nicole puts one of her own fingers through the circle. It’s at that point that the microwave beeps and Nicole moves to get the food before sitting down across from Wynonna. 

Wynonna takes her sweet time avoiding the question and eating her slice. Nicole has to clear her throat loudly to get Wynonna to sigh and reluctantly begin talking. 

“I got pregnant-“

“What the fuck?” Nicole interjects loudly.

“You said you wouldn’t freak out.” Wynonna comments but Nicole is already gripping her head like she can’t believe what’s happening.

“A human baby grew inside of you how could I not freak out?” 

“You swore!”

That’s right, she did. She put her finger through the whole and everything - it is a sacred bond between friends now. So Nicole calms herself and starts eating her own pizza, if only to stop herself from interrupting or yelling or leaning over to shut Wynonna up with her lips. All these years and all this angst and still, all Nicole wants is to kiss her crush. 

Wynonna cracks open her beer and continues. “I had drunk sex with Doc a little while before the Halloween party and found out I was pregnant the day of. I knew Gus and Waverly would probably be disappointed with me so, I just kind of… left. I planned to come back of course, but once I was gone going home seemed - I don’t know - wrong, somehow?” 

Nicole nods like she understands, but she doesn’t really. She just wants Wynonna to keep talking and thankfully, Wynonna does.

“It wasn’t about you or anything.” Wynonna pauses to drink her beer for awhile, but there isn’t enough alcohol in it to solve her problems. “I actually thought about coming home most of the time, for you.”

“But you didn’t.” Nicole interjects. 

“No, I didn’t. I should’ve.” 

Some part of her revels in the slight discomfort on Wynonna’s face at her words, but another part wants to put on a movie or challenge Wynonna to an arm wrestling match just so things can be normal again.

Marking the end of their conversation, Wynonna wipes her hands and mouth with a napkin from the stack on the table. 

“That isn’t why I came over, though. I wanted to invite you to this.” Wynonna stands and puts a blue pamphlet in front of Nicole. “I thought it would be cool for us to go and spend some time together.”

On the cover of the pamphlet a family of four is skiing down a snowy slope with smiles on their faces. Their hands are joined (which would probably, realistically cause safety issues) and covered by mittens. The title of the pamphlet reads ‘Martin’s Ski Resort’ in big, bold letters. The thought of spending time with Wynonna there already makes Nicole’s head hurt and her chest feel hollow.

It’s like Wynonna has made Nicole’s whole body stop working. She can’t decide if the feeling is good or bad, but either way Wynonna shouldn’t be able to make Nicole feel that way - especially considering she has a girlfriend.

“You can think about it first, if you wan-“

“I’ll go.”

The dopey smile Wynonna gives her makes the feeling intensify and Nicole decides that it’s very, very good. (Also very confusing at the time because Nicole knows the feeling is the same one she’s felt for years. It’s that crushy, mushy feeling that Nicole shouldn’t be having when there’s pictures of her and her girlfriend right there on the wall). 

It’s just skiing, Nicole reminds herself. She repeats the words again while she walks Wynonna to the door. She makes sure to scream them to herself in her mind when Wynonna casually - and rather quickly - presses a kiss to Nicole’s forehead.

Just skiing. (But god, the world is suddenly so bright and warm).

__

Dinner goes wonderfully. Or terribly. Nicole really isn’t sure. To her parents and Waverly, the dinner could be called one of the best and most important dinners of Nicole’s young life. To the waiter who had to deal with all of Monica’s demands and Nicole, who felt incredibly pressured for the entire night, the dinner was a wreck. 

Good or bad. Bad or good. Either way, the night ends up the same - with Nicole having a ring on her finger. 

Fuck, the diamond on it is big. Seriously, it’s kind of heavy for Nicole to have on. She spends the car ride back to their apartment staring at it, thinking more about how she’s going to have to hold something heavy for the rest of her life rather than the fact that she’s apparently marrying Monica. 

Marrying Monica.

Marrying Monica. She’s going to have to have a wedding and everything. Monica is going to become Monica Haught simply because Nicole was in a restaurant with people staring at her and the ring showed up in a champagne glass and Nicole just couldn’t say no. It wasn’t even the good kind of ‘couldn’t say no’, it was more like the room was suffocating Nicole and she spit out a yes to try to relieve some pressure.

That night, after the proposal (which by that point Nicole can’t even remember the details of, it’s as if her mind was trying to wipe the memory clean), she slips out of Monica’s hold and into the bathroom. Nicole doesn’t bother to turn any of the lights on. She’s naked except for her ring and doesn’t really want to see herself at the moment. 

Nicole runs her fingertips over her hand until she finds the ring in the darkness. She digs her nail into the skin next to the band, enjoying the slight burn this causes. All of a sudden, Nicole gets an odd urge. She wants a chance to be young. She wants to be reckless. She wants something stupid and permanent. 

All of a sudden, she wants a gummy bear tattooed in place of her ring.


	18. Water Under the Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is loosely based off of the song Water Under the Bridge by Adele.

First thing in the morning the next day, Nicole goes to Jeremy’s house. He’s the original Wynonna Earp Crisis Manager anyways, she’s been obsessing over her to him since middle school. Showing up at Jeremy’s house is the best decision Nicole has made in years, she’s sure of that much. They haven’t talked in awhile and she doesn’t know why. He can pick apart her thoughts easier than she can, he’s probably gone through his fair share of crush drama too, and she could talk to Waverly but being Wynonna’s sister, her opinion is a little biased. 

It’s worth the drive out to see him.

When she knocks on the door around noon, Jeremy is quick to open it. His hair is mused and he looks a bit softer than usual, probably having just gotten up from a nap. The only thing different about him is the thick mustache on his lip, which reminds Nicole of some old cowboy she’d seen before. Jeremy takes a second to look her over, notices her rumpled state, and sighs.

“It’s her again, isn’t it?” He asks, not needing to say a name. 

Nicole nods. “It is.” 

Jeremy glances back into his house briefly, making Nicole wonder if his husband is there. She’s fine either way, it would be nice to talk to Robin for a bit too.

“Alright, come in.”

So she does. Robin isn’t there, but his presence is. There’s pictures of him on every wall, usually Jeremy is included in the photo too. A pillow has his name stitched into it and so does some mail left on the kitchen counter. It’s nice. It feels like stepping into a home, it’s the kind of thing Nicole would want - the kind of thing she’s supposed to get in less than a year or so, with Monica. 

They move into the living room and Jeremy tells her to lie down on the couch like she’s in a cliche movie’s therapy session. Nicole gets into position and then drums her fingers against her stomach while she tells him everything that he missed. 

In the end, he laughs - and it’s not the most helpful thing to do. “You’re screwed.”

“I’m aware.” 

“In both ways.” Jeremy comments. “Ski trip? That’s like the most sexual type of trip there is. I bet there’s going to be a hot tub out in the snow and you’ll both forget to bring your swimsuits. Then, bam! You’re both naked and you’re suddenly having an affair.” 

“That’s not going to happen. This isn’t American Pie.” Nicole argues, tossing a pillow at him.

“No, but you and Wynonna’s relationship is like fanfiction. You’re endgame.”

“What does endgame even mean?”

“It means you need to come clean to Monica before you go on the trip so you’re free to jump on the Wynonna train.” Jeremy pulls an imaginary string in the air and makes a ‘choo choo’ noise. It’s at this point that Nicole thinks she should stop him from having his third glass of wine.

—

Nicole feels like a kid again. Not ‘like a kid’ in the sense that she feels as if she’s being talked down to or treated worse than her fellow adults. No, this is completely different. It’s a beautiful, absolutely gorgeous feeling, and it is all because of three reasons.

One, she hasn’t told a big lie in a while and for some reason doing it gives her this odd thrill. As far as Monica and her dad knows, Nicole is on a business trip with an old friend for the week. It’s funny that Nicole never really mentioned Wynonna to Monica (mostly because she had no idea what to call Wynonna - a first crush, an ex girlfriend, a best friend, or all of the above). The fact that she hasn’t said anything just adds to it all, and maybe that’s wrong, but maybe this time Nicole simply doesn’t care. 

Two, according to Waverly road trips and possibly romantic ski trips are so high school. Which is fine with her, ever since college Nicole has missed high school. At least when she was a teenager she had constant live music, a leather-clad friend, and no sense of abandonment or a sudden fear of commitment yet. 

Three, it is Wynonna Earp behind the steering wheel. It’s Wynonna who shows up one morning in a car with her feet up on the dashboard and a stuffed duffel bag in the trunk. It’s Wynonna who drapes leather over Nicole’s shoulders like the material was made for just them and it is Wynonna a few minutes later who is blasting rock and roll from the radio without a care. 

It’s Wynonna who saves her, Wynonna who takes her away.

“How are you feeling, Haught?” She asks. They drive with the windows down and they both steal glances at each other. “Any stops besides the gas station you want to make before we hit the freeway?” 

Nicole begins to shake her head, then pauses. Her eyes linger on her own finger, paying attention to the ring on it. The one thing Nicole feels bad about is taking the ring with her, but leaving it at home or burying it under the clothes in her bag might have been worse. 

“I think I want a gummy bear.”

Wynonna gives her a confused look. “Uh, I’m pretty sure they sell gummy bears at the gas station. Though I’m not sure they sell gummy bear, as in singular, but-“

“No, I mean…” Nicole trails off and makes a split second decision to pull the ring off and shove it in her pants pocket. “I mean I want a tattoo of a gummy bear, same as yours.” 

It takes a moment for Wynonna to fully realize what Nicole had said. Though Nicole isn’t inside of Wynonna’s head (sometimes she feels like she’s miles and miles away from Wynonna’s thoughts with the way the woman acts), she sees her eyebrows furrow and her eyes flick out the window in the opposite direction of where they are supposed to be going. 

In the end, Wynonna makes a left turn. The direction app on Nicole’s phone beeps and a monotone voice starts giving new instructions, which they both ignore. 

“I know a guy.” Wynonna explains. “We can just get it done quick and cheap, if he’s available.”

Raising an eyebrow, Nicole shifts and hooks her thumb on her seatbelt. “‘I know a guy’ are some of the shadiest words ever, Wynonna.” 

All Nicole gets in return is a smile. 

“Trust me.” Wynonna says. With that grin, how could she not?

About twenty minutes later and Nicole is kind of rethinking all of her life choices. Becoming friends with a girl in handcuffs (‘seems kind of kinky to me’ a voice in her head that sounds like Wynonna comments), kissing girls she doesn’t really care about, kissing girls in general and not telling her dad about it for the longest time. Putting her wedding ring in her pocket, accepting it in the first place. All a list of probably bad choices. 

Now, getting a permanent gummy candy tattooed on her skin as a sort of tribute to one of her (and Nicole uses the word ‘her’ simply because she can’t think of anything better to take its place, she doubts Wynonna has ever been hers or anyone’s) best friends can be added to the list. 

The place is, in fact, super shady. It’s barely there, squeezed between a coffee shop and a flower store. Nicole couldn’t help but feel like she was in a cliche fanfiction, she had read an embarrassing amount of fics that took place in a flower or coffee shop. The tattoo place isn’t a cliche at all, mostly because it doesn’t look like a tattoo place. 

There are no drawings hung up on the walls, cool dim lighting, or one of those professional looking, reclining chairs she’s seen in movies. The guy Wynonna introduces her to is thin and pale enough that it looks as if he’s blushing all the time. 

Though Nicole assumes that he must be older than her, his appearance makes it seem as if he isn’t. She kind of feels as if she’s being tattooed by a high schooler. 

“You know you’ll basically be putting a gummy bear inside every girl you date now.” Wynonna says, smirk on her face and motorcycle magazine in place on her lap. 

One of her hands is occupied, clutching Nicole’s and squeezing tighter every time Nicole shifts as if she might be in pain. 

Nicole rolls her eyes. “That’s not funny.”

“It is, and I know you’ll laugh once your not getting a permanent candy on your body.” 

Another eye roll comes from Nicole, another dumb joke from Wynonna, resulting in Nicole squeezing her hand hard enough to sting. Which, of course, leads to a childish hand squeezing game where they go back and forth until the tattoo man (more like boy) cleared his throat. After that, they awkwardly stopped.

“Oh.” He says, noticing they had both gone still. “I’m done, actually.” 

It took all of two seconds for Nicole to bring her hand to her face, inspecting her middle finger at all the angles she could. The tattoo was identical to Wynonna’s, except Nicole’s was new and looked sort of raw while Wynonna’s was old and seemed cool in an odd sense. That could have very well been because Nicole always sees Wynonna through these rose colored, ‘everything she does is awesome’ glasses. 

“Thanks, bro. It looks awesome.” Wynonna tells him. They share a long handshake that includes a little spin at the end. 

Nicole waits until they are done before she also thanks him. “Thank you.”

Both Wynonna and Nicole start reaching for their wallets (they both also think that purses are a little too hard to carry everywhere) but he quickly shakes his head and stops them. 

“Oh, it’s free.” He grins and the dimples along with the teeth that he shows just makes him look even younger. “Consider it a gift for an old friend and her girlfriend. I did miss your birthday last year anyways.” 

If a genie were to suddenly come out of a magic lamp right this moment, one of Nicole’s three wishes would definitely be to stop the blush crawling up her cheeks. It sucks, being so pale. All of her emotions are out on the table, basically anything and everything makes her blush. She’s sure the blush only darkens when Wynonna’s mouth forms an amused smirk and they share a glance. 

Fuck Wynonna and her little smirks, they hold too much power. It’s unfair.

__

By the time Nicole is stepping out of the snow and into the cabin, she’s freezing, her hands are greasy, and there is a full car ride’s worth of fast food burger wrappers stuffed in her pockets. Still, she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

The cabin is surprisingly big. It isn’t a mansion or anything - they certainly aren’t going to get on MTV Cribs - but it’s larger than she imagined. The first room Nicole walks into is a wide living room painted brown with a desk and fireplace in the corner and a TV, couch, and coffee table in the middle of it. She can see that the room leads into a kitchen and also a narrow hallway where Nicole assumes the bathroom and bedrooms are.

It almost looks like something her dad would buy. Except the table is chipped, there is snow stuck in the doorway cracks, and when they walk the floor creaks in a way that’s new to Nicole, but somehow feels familiar. She could already imagine staying for awhile, especially since Wynonna is right there behind her.

“Okay, so I was thinking we should get hot chocolate from this place down the road. I haven’t been there but I’ve heard about it and it sounds cool.” Her words come out so fast that it takes Nicole a second to realize they are actually coming from Wynonna. “We should have a snowball fight and-“ 

Nicole cuts her off. “First, we don’t plan snowball fights. One of us is going to yell some random shit and tackle each other and then it’s a war. Also, you sound like Waverly.” 

Wynonna gasps dramatically. 

“I do not.”

“Yeah, you do.” 

They stare at each other for a second but it of course, it feels longer. Maybe it wasn’t a second, maybe it was actually a minute. However long, it’s long enough for Nicole to engrave the image of Wynonna in her brain. Wynonna, with her flushed cheeks and her dark, damp hair. With the tips of her ears bright red and the door open, letting in the cold behind her. With her feet moving her closer and her smile turning more into a smirk by the second.

“Take it back.” She says and it’s becoming more and more clear that neither of them care if she sounds like Waverly or not - they are sisters, after all, and there is nothing actually wrong with speaking like Waverly. 

They both just want an excuse to have some banter or to wrestle or to (honestly) touch.

So, Nicole crosses her arms and slowly steps back until her thighs hit the couch (because she expects a tackle coming on soon and getting tackled on a cushion is much less painful than getting tackled on a hard floor). She can’t help the little hitch in her breath that comes when Wynonna follows her movements. This is how movies go, some girl falls on a bed or couch and the love interest predictably follows. 

“No.”

Then Wynonna’s hands are on her, but she’s not being tackled - she’s being carried. Carried out the door, into the snow. 

“Wait- no! Wynonna it’s freezing.” She protests. They hadn’t had time to change into warmer clothes and the cold feels like an attack on Nicole’s skin. She clings to Wynonna koala style and Wynonna grips her thighs in turn. 

It has been about two minutes of cabin time and Nicole is already straddling Wynonna. Technically, it’s for survival purposes, but still. 

Eventually Wynonna sets her down on top of a particularly large lump of snow on the ground. It might have been the bottom half of a snowman, considering the forgotten black buttons nearby and the distinctly carrot shaped hole next to it. 

“You wanted an unplanned snowball fight.” Wynonna reminds her.

“This is less snowball fight and more ‘drop poor, defenseless Nicole into the snow’.” 

Wynonna grabs some snow, presses it until it forms a ball, and drops it in Nicole’s bare hands. “There, now you’re not defenseless.”

Taking advantage of the close proximity, Nicole grabs the collar of Wynonna’s shirt. She pulls it open just wide enough to drop the snowball down it and laughs as Wynonna wriggles around as if she were a worm, yelling about snow in her bra and ‘motherfucking frozen titties’. Nicole can’t stop her laughter, even when Wynonna chucks a snowball at her side a minute later.

__

The day went as well as Nicole expected it to, which was odd because these days she had weirdly high standards. They threw snow back and forth at each other for a long time, then they watched cartoons at Nicole’s request, and got about a gallon of hot chocolate. Not to exaggerate or anything. Actually, a full on gallon. 

They only drank a couple cups of it before Wynonna put it in the fridge. She said that they could just reheat it later. Nicole wasn’t sure if she wanted to drink old, microwaved but Wynonna swore that it was good. Though, Wynonna also swore by dog treats and midgets in crop tops, so her judgement obviously isn’t the best.

She lets Wynonna put the almost-gallon of hot chocolate anyways. 

By the time Nicole is on her fifth cup, she is so full she doesn’t even want dinner and is trying her hardest to not move. Wynonna disappeared somewhere down the hall a bit after they returned from the chocolate place. Nicole had no idea where she was for a second but then she heard the shower running and put two and two together.

If she wasn’t filled to the brim with sugary liquid, Nicole might have gone to check out the bedrooms. She still hasn’t seen them, yet she lets herself collapse on the couch anyways. The only thing that could provide entertainment in sight is the remote, which is too fucking far (it’s leaning distance, but still), and a spare napkin left on the cushion next to her.

The options are very clear.

Twenty minutes later, Nicole is in the middle of sketching the dying fire neary her. She is putting the finishing touches on the flame when Wynonna taps her shoulder. Nicole stills her pencil and looks over, seeing Wynonna holding something green in a plastic bag. 

“It’s mistletoe.” Wynonna announces. 

Nicole took another glance at it. “That’s weed, Wynonna.”

“How do you know what weed looks like?”

“I went to high school. Also college - which you missed me attending, by the way.” 

Wynonna covers her heart and acts as if she’s in pain. “Ouch. I deserved that.” 

They are both quiet for a moment, staring at the chilling fire. At some point Wynonna jumps over the couch like fricking Spider-Man (damn gymnastics) and simply sits next to Nicole, weed in her lap. How did she even get weed? Nicole doesn’t know. The odd part is, she kind of wants to smoke it. Nicole needs an out, something to distract her from the lingering guilt and the nervousness and the gentle curve of Wynonna’s thigh that disappears into her shorts. 

God, she needs a big distraction from the last one.

“Are you just going to sit there with weed in your lap or are we going to smoke it?” Nicole asks and Wynonna looks kind of shocked. 

The shock only lasts for a moment and then Wynonna is slinging an arm over Nicole’s shoulder, pinching the cheek farthest from her. 

“Aww bro, you’re all grown up.” She coos.

“Shut up, I’m taller than you.” 

Wynonna nearly pouts. “Well, I’m older.”

Nicole rolls her eyes. “Roll the joint already, grandma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t do drugs, kids!


	19. High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright kiddos, don’t get high and definitely don’t drive while you’re high! 
> 
> I’ve figured out how I’m going to end this (only 2 chapters left) I’m just busy af. Thx for reading this far btw, y’all are awesome.

Wynonna is beautiful. 

That is all Nicole can think. In every sense of the word she’s beautiful. She has thought it before, obviously, but this feels different. Everything feels different, actually (she’s only 37% sure that it’s not the weed). Things are so simple to Nicole now. If Wynonna’s face looks soft then she should touch it, if the hot chocolate is hot then she should drink it, if Wynonna is beautiful, well, then…

“You’re beautiful.”

It must startle her. Wynonna stops looking at whatever she had been looking at. First it was the floor, then the roof, and a loose strand on the edge of Nicole’s collar. Now, Wynonna stares directly at Nicole, her lips slowly tilting into a smile. 

She shakes her head. “No I’m not.” 

“Yeah, you are.” 

Like most things, Wynonna laughs that off. She actually starts giggling and drinking lukewarm (hot?) chocolate and then giggling again. It’s all high pitched and girly, so unlike Wynonna’s usual voice in every way. Nicole somehow still loves it. 

One of the best and worst things about Wynonna is how everything she does gets Nicole high (pun intended) on her. The way Wynonna moves her arms? Legendary. The pleased grin she has on her face after she eats junk food? Gorgeous. 

Nicole realizes that all these things are simple, not something to pay attention to, and yet she wants to take pictures of everything and keep them in her mind. Maybe she will end up getting married, maybe she won’t, but either way she wants Wynonna - clever, mysterious, definitely not perfect Wynonna - engraved in her mind forever.

The air is warm and the fire is lit. Everything smells like smoke, although the windows are cracked open a bit. Even if they weren’t, Nicole is surprisingly sure she would be fine with it. She kind of likes the scent. Sure, she has gotten a thousand lectures from every adult and teacher in her life about how bad smoking is, but she’s come to associate the smell with Wynonna. 

Leather, whiskey, and smoke. God, that has to be the worst combo for Nicole to fall in love with. 

Feeling bold, Nicole sits up on her knees (which she soon realizes is the most uncomfortable resting position ever - how the hell do straight women do this for so long) and leans toward Wynonna, who doesn’t move, but crinkles her eyebrows up in adorable confusion. Then, she reaches out to touch Wynonna - to cup her face, to drag her thumb along the soft skin on her cheek, to kiss her or do a lot more - and ends up using a single finger to tap Wynonna’s nose once.

“Did you just boop my nose?” 

Fuck. She did. She’s officially a huge, fucking disaster. 

“Unfortunately.” Nicole admits, not leaning away but bracing her hands on her own thighs and staying put instead. 

Of course, with the time to think about it, all of her bravado melts away and all the reasons she shouldn’t be kissing Wynonna slip in. Mainly, Monica and the engagement. The thought of her fiancé hits her the same a bucket of ice cold water would. For a moment Nicole is sure that her high is ruined, but then she starts mouthing the lyrics to Ice Ice Baby at one of the couch cushions and, well, she’s probably not entirely sober. 

Before she can move away and wallow in her guilt, Wynonna reaches out and gently clasps her hand around Nicole’s wrist. The grip is barely there but it is enough for Nicole to stop herself, shifting her weight a little (seriously her legs are dying in this position) as she waits.

“What were you trying to do?” Wynonna asks her. 

A million lies pass through her head but again, Nicole’s subconscious has simplified everything so the words leave her mouth faster than the thoughts come. 

“Kiss you.” 

The grip on her arm grows a bit tighter and Nicole swallows, forcing herself not to glance away. “Still want to?”

Of course she does.

“Of course.”

Oh fuck, she said that aloud. What a disaster, honestly. Everything that comes out of Nicole’s mouth at this point is just word vomit. The great gay spirits are probably punishing her for some crime she committed in a past life and now all of her relationships with girls are doomed for the rest of time, and- 

She cuts herself off, now realizing that Wynonna has released her. Nicole watches her sit back on her palms and spread out her limbs, opening up the way a flower blooming in hyperspeed would. Wynonna simply raises her eyebrows while Nicole tries to put the pieces together. Then it all makes sense, it’s an invitation - an offer she can’t refuse.

(Okay, so she just wanted to make a The Godfather reference. She actually can refuse the offer and she will, because she wants things to go differently this time.)

“No way.” Nicole says, stubborn and sounding as if they were locked in one of their petty rounds of banter. “I kissed you first last time. No fair.”

Wynonna sits up this time, intrigued. “Nicole Haught, are you indirectly asking me to kiss you?”

“I don’t… I can’t- give me a second.” Nicole pulls her legs out from under her and folds them into a more comfortable position, closer to Wynonna.

“There.” She announces. 

Wynonna bursts out laughing. 

Nicole rolls her eyes. “Shut up. That was getting kind of hot and now you’re just - Wynonna stop laughing. My legs hurt.” 

“I’m sorry.” She says, though it doesn’t sound as if she is. 

It sounds light and happy, and seconds later Wynonna is close enough that she can easily press kisses to Nicole’s forehead. Her lips linger, then dip down to meet the bridge of Nicole’s nose (Nicole swears she hears Wynonna quietly whisper ‘boop’ like she’s reliving a whole new inside joke), and finally land on Nicole’s mouth in the softest of ways.

Their lips don’t fit together like puzzle pieces and there are no cheesy fireworks, but Nicole’s heart goes rabid in her chest and a switch flips in her head so all she feels is want. That’s all she gets to feel mentally - of course physically, Nicole feels the warmth of Wynonna’s body under her palms, long strands of hair occasionally tickling her cheeks, and the small moan that Wynonna lets out against her mouth. 

Mentally, there’s want and then there’s the sound of her phone ringing in her ear. It’s never been a more annoying noise.

“Fuck.” Nicole mutters, reaching for her phone. “That’s probably Waverly or Chrissy or something.”

She checks and sees that it’s Waverly - and for a moment she wants to kill her best friend, who calls at the worst possible times. Nicole glances at Wynonna for a shrug and nod of confirmation before she answers, trying to put more cheer in her voice than there actually is. 

“Hi Waves.”

“Hey, um, how is the trip going?”

Wynonna stands and stretches, mouthing that she is going to go get something to drink. Nicole wants to hang up on Waverly, grab her and continue, but instead she doesn’t move. She tries to be patient (key word: tries). 

“It’s good.” Nicole replies. “Actually, I’m kind of busy right now so I have to get going. I’ll call you later though, so-“

“You should come home.” Waverly interrupts her. There’s a hitch in her breath, an eerie lack of noise in the background that leads Nicole to believe that something is wrong. “It’s kind of- well, it is urgent.”

“What happened? You’re acting strange.”

“Monica died.” She deadpans, then rushes to continue. “Uh, it was a car crash. A drunk driver rammed into her. It happened, like, less than an hour ago so I guess that’s why no one else has called. I…”

All the words blend together until it simply becomes white noise. It is as if Nicole is underwater and Waverly is above the surface, trying to speak to her from afar. She feels immediately like throwing up, like she can’t even stand herself. Not because she’s sad about Monica dying, but because she feels almost the exact opposite. Nicole breathes and the air around her is buzzing, she licks her lips and all she tastes is Wynonna. 

She probably should have cried it out or at least cared more. It was impossible to. The fire was still roaring, the scenery was still beautiful, her body was still warm as if she were tucked under a thick blanket, and the excitement hadn’t left her brain. She was still happy. 

“I have to go, Waverly.” Nicole says, unaware if she is cutting her off or not. Waverly sputters out some words (probably ‘wait’) but Nicole hangs up. She hadn’t really been listening anyways.

Shortly after, Wynonna returns - thankfully without more ‘not so hot’ chocolate - holding tap water in her cupped hands and drinking from them loudly. It’s so very Wynonna that in any other circumstance it would definitely make Nicole smile. 

“We have cups, you know.” She reminds Wynonna, who shrugs and tilts her head back to get the last drops. Wynonna goes to sit at the same time Nicole moves to stand, so they both end up in an odd squatting position, waiting for the other to do or say something. 

Wynonna speaks first. “What was the call about?”

“We have to go back.”

__

That’s how Nicole ends up in the passenger seat of Wynonna’s car in the middle of the night, her knees pulled up to her chest for comfort while a storm whirls outside. Raindrops hit the car like they are made of stone and someone is hurling them. They don’t play any music, so Nicole can hear the wind rustling tree branches and gets quick flashes of tilting stumps as they pass.

It feels as if she is living in a giant cliche. Someone dies and a storm suddenly comes, forcing two people into a highly awkward and painfully long car ride to the upcoming funeral. 

The snow was already coating every surface when they got there, but now it seems as if the inches are piling up higher and higher. Part of her worries hail will start coming and break the car windows, but another part wishes that the storm will get worse so they will have to turn around. She doesn’t want to go to the funeral, but then again Nicole hasn’t ever met anyone who truly wants to attend one either. 

“So, do you… do you care?” Wynonna asks, quite awkwardly, when they reach a stop sign. 

The honest answer is no. Nicole barely cares at all. They are five minutes into the drive and she’s already thought many times about telling Wynonna to just take her back to the cabin. She is supposed to care, though. She is supposed to be sobbing. So for some reason, Wynonna’s question pisses her off - how could years pass and Wynonna still knows that someone could die and Nicole would just be thinking about her. It’s always fucking Wynonna. 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I care.” Nicole snaps, immediately feeling regret and staring out the window to not have to deal with it. 

Wynonna looks surprised herself. “I-I just, you weren’t really reacting or anything so I didn’t know. And we were just, uh, in the cabin. You never mentioned her.”

She rarely ever hears Wynonna ramble and it is (truthfully - distracting, endearing, and all around adorable, as usual) annoying. Everything is annoying. Nicole has this song stuck in her head, about walking on sunshine, and she is so not enjoying the irony of it. Still, one look at Wynonna’s sad, little puppy dog face and she deflates. 

Nicole digs her nails into her knees to stop herself from touching Wynonna. For some reason, she has the slight suspicion that she is going to end the funeral by throwing a jacket (god help her if it’s leather) around Wynonna’s shoulders at the funeral. Her fiancé dies and all Nicole wants is to comfort Wynonna. 

Her life is a mess. Seriously, she has the emotions of a hormonal, menstruating teenage girl on crack.

“I’m sorry.” Nicole breathes, the anger leaving as quickly as the words leave her mouth. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“No. It’s okay, bro. I deserved it.”

“I feel like we’re going to be calling each other bros even when we’re thirty. It will be like being in a fraternity.” 

Wynonna chuckles, probably glad the ice has been broken again. “I am way hotter than any frat boy.” 

“Sure, bro.” Nicole teases, getting Wynonna to reach over and flick her arm in retaliation. 

“Bro.” She says, not exactly as a response but as if she had forgotten the word and is retrying it. Her mouth forms around it oddly and she keeps repeating it, softer each time. 

“Bro.” Nicole joins in. 

They start this off sync chant, going back and forth saying the word ‘bro’ with no end. The more they say it the more the word sounds super weird. Why have they been calling each other bro, anyways? They’re adults, but they’re also not acting like it at all.

Nicole glances at her and wonders if it was a bad idea to get on the road when they were both high and horny and all of the other bad H words that she can’t think of because her head feels fuzzy. Wynonna seems to be driving well enough, but Nicole still tenses up for the rest of the drive and grips her seatbelt as if holding it will keep her safe in the event of a crash. 

How weird it would be, for Nicole and Monica to die on the same day, both in a car accident. Relatives would call it fate, make it seem as if they were lovesick and young when really Nicole felt old beyond her years. 

“We should talk.” Nicole says randomly. She hadn’t even been thinking about having a conversation, but there it is. The fatass elephant in the room: they never actually talk. 

“We were just talkin-“ Wynonna shuts up when she sees the look on Nicole’s face and rethinks her next sentence. “Yeah, we can. What about?” 

Jesus, there’s too many topics. 

“Us, I guess. You know I’m- I was almost married, right?”

“Of course I do.” She replies, sounding a little reluctant to admit it as she stops the car.

“You don’t act like it.”

Wynonna grins, because she is good at acting as if she has somehow unlocked all the secrets of the universe. “Well, neither do you.” 

“True.” Nicole says and manages to get the word out with little to no emotion. Unfortunately, during her next sentence her voice cracks (it’s like she’s a teenage boy or something) and she sounds incredibly insecure. “Do you want me to act like it?”

“Not really. No.” Wynonna’s response comes so fast that it’s kind of amusing. 

They both stare out their respective windows for a second and wow, Nicole really isn’t looking forward to the rest of this car ride. She watches a thick wad of snow fly through the air, sort of resembling a misshapen snowball. She almost checks to see if someone threw it but then remembers no one but them would be stupid enough to be out here in this weather. 

Eventually it seems as if they have been in one spot for much too long and Nicole looks over at Wynonna, only to see her repeatedly trying to move the car forward. The engine makes a noise much too loud and there’s a familiar sound that Nicole knows is the vehicle trying hard to push through the unfortunate terrain. 

She watches Wynonna sigh and slump in the driver’s seat, looking so defeated that Nicole knows it can’t just be about the car. Still, she says nothing. She does not really need to they both know what the situation is. 

They are stuck, both physically and mentally. They are both also really fucking stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To smut or not smut, that is the question.
> 
> (No, seriously are we doin car sex or not)


	20. Tag

They have always been connected in one way or another. Nicole will laugh and look over her shoulder, only to see Wynonna behind her stifling a chuckle. That’s how they work. It goes undiscussed, but if they sit next to each other they will both shift to accommodate the other. When they were younger and things were simpler, they would sit side by side at restaurants with Waverly across from them, and their knees would continuously bump in a slow rhythm. It wasn’t the same as when one of them would start teasing the other (“You’re so frickin’ short, Wynonna.”), because then they would obviously ram their knees together until someone scolded them as if they were children.

The slight knee touching was always different. No one ever noticed them doing it, possibly not even them. Even before they kissed, before Nicole grew to know desperation and fear and extreme want, she felt the need to press herself to Wynonna. Wynonna always returned the favor. Their arms bumped along with their knees, their hands brushed when walking, Nicole would gently hit her hip on Wynonna’s. It was normal.

It makes sense that in this life or death situation, they have their hands stretched over the space between them, arms crossed over each other’s.

Touching Wynonna is weird. It’s normal because she has done it so much - more than she would like to admit - but when Nicole really thinks about it, it’s weird. She can’t decide if the contact makes her nervous or calm. When Wynonna presses down a bit harder on her arm, Nicole is assured once again that they will be fine. At the same time, Wynonna’s fingers dance along her inner forearm and push slightly, so Nicole is reminded again of how easily Wynonna could open her. How easily Nicole just gives in. 

“So, how did you want to go?” Nicole asks, simply trying to make conversation. It might be the wrong conversation to make - death talk with your crush (or whatever the hell Wynonna is) in the middle of a freezing cold car, super smooth - but she says it anyways. 

Wynonna must be taking a second to process the question, because she blinks and stares off into the distance for so long that Nicole thinks she will have to repeat herself. She does eventually answer, but when Wynonna does it’s through a low sigh, like she really doesn’t want to.

“On my motorcycle in a huge accident, after doing something cool and irresponsible. Like robbing a bank and throwing money at people as I drive by.” Her smile comes out small and it is clear that she is picturing it all going down in her head. “Robinhood style.” 

Nicole realize all too late that it wasn’t that Wynonna didn’t want to answer, it was that she knew Nicole wouldn’t want to hear it. Wynonna dying in a lame, Fast and Furious like stunt? That sounds so childish, so stupid. How would Nicole deal with that? Fuck, how would Waverly? 

“Wow, that’s…” She trails off and runs her hands along her knees fast enough that they warm for just a second. “Kind of dark, Wynonna.” 

“You asked.” 

“Well, yeah. But I-“

“Did you expect me to say I’d like to die seventy years from now, in some hospital with you at my bedside and an adult diaper strapped to my ass?”

Nicole barely gets a chance to think of some way to respond to that, because Wynonna suddenly shifts in the other direction. It feels as if something is being ripped right out from Nicole’s hands and her mind scrambles, going through all the options.

Her breath catches in her throat - Nicole literally sees it stop coming out of her mouth. She had been watching each of her exhales curl into the air and then slowly disappear, but now the space in front of her mouth is clear.

Does she want to die with Wynonna? On the back of a motorcycle, going at an insane speed and tossing money every which way and that? In a hospital bed? In this car, in the next twenty or so hours? She doesn’t know. All the possibilities have pros, all of them have cons. At this point, everyone knows Nicole can barley make a decision to save her life.

She finally exhales and breaks the barrier, reaches out more than what’s comfortable just to rest her hand on Wynonna’s shoulder. “Am I your wife in this hospital scenario?” 

It comes out playful and Wynonna takes it that way.

“Yep. Only my wife gets to see me in my adult diaper.” Wynonna winks and her grin sets in place. “I’m classy like that.”

“Of course you are.” Nicole sighs but she feels a little more at peace than she did a few minutes ago. 

Still, she does need to make a decision. Her brain really hasn’t registered the fact that they are trapped in a freezing car without the right clothing or blankets. All she can come up with is borderline depressing death jokes and comments about how they should take off their clothes and cuddle for warmth. Every type the second option runs through her mind she thinks of Monica again, of how she doesn’t really know if the body heat thing will completely save them and how she’ll be found naked with Wynonna. Correction, she would be found naked and pressed against an equally naked Wynonna. 

Shit. Can her brain even handle a fully naked Wynonna?

“Do you think we should get out and push?” Wynonna suggests after a moment.

Nicole goes over the idea in her head for a second. “That would be the smart thing to do.”

It probably would have been smart to try and do that a couple minutes - or maybe hours, who knows how long they’ve been sitting here - ago. Now, in the present, when they both start trying to push on their respective doors they can barely get them to budge. Nicole eventually slumps against her seat, feeling defeated.

“Okay, so no opening the doors.” She says and presses her hand to the glass, contemplating how bad it would hurt if she were to try and smash it with her fist. Maybe that would be the wrong move, maybe the glass would break easily only to let the snow pile in. Waverly would know. Unfortunately, Nicole isn’t trapped with that particular Earp at the moment. 

“Phones?” Wynonna offers.

They both scramble to take their phones out of their pockets and fumble with the screen, trying to catch enough signal to get a call through. Okay, so, no phones either. 

They are so fucked. 

Somehow, Nicole’s brain is moving in slow motion. There is none of the usual rushed panic that comes with dangerous situations. No anxiety attacks. No rambling or insane fidgeting or sudden need for a smoke even though she isn’t even a smoker. 

Wait. Could she be considered a smoker just from hanging out with Wynonna so much? She’s probably inhaled a shit ton of smoke on the weekly just from spending all that time with Wynonna. What if her body unconsciously craves it now, even though she’s only ever pressed her lips to a cigarette once or twice? What if she’s addicted to weed. Can people be addicted to weed? It’s a drug, so probably-

Okay, so the rambling is definitely setting in. Whatever. The point is, none of her other nervous tics are kicking in. She’s strangely fine. 

“I’m moving to the back.” Wynonna announces.

“What? Why?” Nicole asks, sounding as if Wynonna had just told her she was joining a cult that worshipped gargoyles. 

She pauses in the middle of unbuckling her seatbelt. “I’m tired. I want to nap.”

“But-“

“Calm down.” Wynonna instructs. She starts to climb in the space between their seats and makes a couple hundred awkward motions to wiggle her way into the backseat. It doesn’t take that long for her to end up with her ass in the air, face to the floor, and her feet accidentally brushing Nicole’s jaw. “I’m sure someone will drive by in a few hours and see us. You won’t miss the funeral or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m worried about dying.”

“Well, rest in peace then Monica.”

Nicole rolls her eyes and pushes Wynonna’s foot away from her face. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Wynonna flops down so dramatically in the backseat that Nicole has to hold back her laughter and her second eye roll of the minute. Whatever limb of Wynonna’s that hits the seat first makes a loud slapping noise and Wynonna groans a second later, muttering swears into the air before she adjusts to rest on her back.

There’s a moment (they are always having these little moments) where Wynonna shifts and yawns so softly it sounds as if she’s meowing (or maybe Nicole just happens to like cats too much), then tugs the collar of her shirt up as if it were a blanket. And not to be blunt or anything, but Nicole thinks it is absolutely the cutest fucking thing ever. Seriously, she spends a full eternity just watching Wynonna, who apparently meows when she’s tired, and wondering how her life was blessed with this human.

Then Wynonna’s eyes leave the droopy, tired state they had been in for that moment and she moves again so she is facing Nicole. It reminds Nicole that Wynonna is not really a blessing at all or even a sin, just a girl with pretty blue eyes and a dangerous little grin on her face. Wynonna reaches out her hand in the air and curls a finger, ushering Nicole closer to her. 

“What do you expect me to do?” Nicole questions, eyeing the small space the seats provide. “Cuddle?”

“Exactly.” Wynonna nods at her own idea. “For warmth.”

Nicole wonders if Wynonna knows the power that she has over her. She must know about it in some way, because she knows that if she tilts her head like that and holds out her hand in that kind of desperate air grip, then Nicole will come crawling over the car to reach her. Just to prove some point to herself (to the world and the universe and the gay gods), Nicole waits a beat before she moves. It’s a small victory, one that Wynonna probably doesn’t notice, but still, Nicole takes it.

She finds herself making the same awkward trip as Wynonna, over the compartment in the middle, face falling to the floor, heels going quickly to the roof, and then scrambling to pull herself up on the seats where Wynonna is. Nicole stares at Wynonna’s body, which is taking up all the space possible, and then carefully pulls herself up so she’s the little spoon.

Feeling a sudden warmth but not complete, Nicole sighs. “We’re supposed to be naked, for the body warmth thing. I saw it in Twilight.” 

“I don’t know if I want to create Two Girls, One Car with someone who bases our survival on things she saw in Twilight.” She replies, amused. “Do you suggest we step outside and try to sparkle, too?”

“Shut up… and the sparkling only happens in the sun.”

Wynonna slowly puts her arm around Nicole’s waist, but that feels much too personal. Don’t get Nicole wrong, it’s nice and she feels immediately safe in the embrace, but it also feels like a betrayal to Monica. And, shit, Monica’s slowly rotting corpse -

“Can we, um, change positions?” She asks, then moves to sit near Wynonna’s legs before she gets an answer. “I just want to see your face, that’s all.”

“Okay.”

They both move. It’s weird. It’s uncomfortable. Mostly because they end up sitting across from each other with their legs crossed in the middle, just staring at each other’s faces. Wynonna silently drags her ankle along Nicole’s calf and Nicole jumps a little at the touch, her head hitting the roof.

How ironic is this? They avoid talking to each other about their feelings for years and then end up locked in a tiny space together with nothing to do but discuss their emotions. Or they could talk about the Avengers, but Nicole hasn’t gone down to that level of nerd for about a year now and she is proud of that.

“I want you to meet my kid.” Wynonna admits, then looks startled by the bluntness of her words. She regroups. “Her name is Alice, if I didn’t already mention that. She kind of reminds me of you. I don’t know how that could be, since you two have never met, but she just does. She does this cute thing with her hands… It’s like she’s your child too, sometimes. Maybe I just picked up your mannerisms at one point and Alice copies them from me.”

Nicole nods. “Waverly mentioned that the more time you spend with a person the more you start accidentally mimicking them.” 

“Right. That totally sounds like something that would be true, especially if Waverly said it.”  
“Maybe I can meet your - uh, Alice, later. After the funeral.” She suggests, to which Wynonna silently agrees with a little nod. “Are you coming to that, by the way? The funeral?”

“Do you want me to?” Wynonna asks.

Jesus, sometimes Nicole wishes that Wynonna would simply just answer. Like a normal, uncomplicated person.

“Yeah, for moral support.” Nicole says and then keeps speaking, because she doesn’t want Wynonna to intervene and somehow undo her confidence or change the subject. “After the funeral, like after after, when it has been a week or two, do you want to do something? Get some coffee, see a movie, something where we don’t almost die or start drama.”

Slowly, the same way a light starts to flicker on a dying lightbulb, a smile takes over Wynonna’s face. It grows and then suddenly Wynonna is looking at her, all bright, white teeth and stretched lips. Her cheeks look rounder than usual when she smiles, it reminds Nicole of when they were young and she had to tilt her head up to see that same grin.

She nudges Nicole’s knee with her palm and leaves it there, traces the line where her leg bends. “Are you also going to pass me a note that says ‘will you be my girlfriend, yes or no’ on it?” 

“Well, if you’re going to be a dick about it then-”

“No, no. Going on a date would be dope, bro… can I still call you bro?” Wynonna makes a disgusted face at her own words. “I don’t usually call girls that I go out with bro, but you’re kind of an exception.”

A smile slips onto Nicole’s face too. “Haught is fine. Also, you’re cute when you’re nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Uh-huh.”

“This is practically our hundredth date anyways. I’ve known you for years.” Wynonna points out.

“But it’s not official.” She counters. “There hasn’t been any roses or romance.” 

“Hey! I gave you so much leather.”

Nicole shrugs, now fully aware that they have slipped into teasing mode. She rubs the part of her head that hit the roof, notices it doesn’t hurt anymore, notices that nothing does (maybe she’s too physically cold and numb to feel anything else).

“Well, leather doesn’t smell nice. Does it?” Nicole hits Wynonna’s knee simply so Wynonna will do it back. 

“Roses die.”

“I grow out of leather.”

Another knee tap.

“Well, you’re a giant.”

“Well, you’re a hobbit.”

Another knee tap.

“Flowers have bugs on them.”

“So does your jacket, sometimes.” She chuckles and Wynonna gives up, putting her hands in the air to surrender. “Dude, you have to wash it.”

Nicole plays with her fingers, glances up at Wynonna, and feels that ‘fuck it’ feeling take over her. Maybe it isn’t a good feeling to get at the moment. Whenever it happens, Nicole forgets all consequences and basically everything that reminds her that there will be a tomorrow that she will have to live in - or not live in, depending on what happens here. Anyways, Nicole forgets everything except what she wants to do.

And since she can, since she knows there’s little to no chance of Wynonna leaving again or pushing her away, Nicole leans forward and presses her lips to Wynonna’s. Once. Quick. 

And Wynonna does the same, like they’re children playing a game of tag, but this is more mature and this makes Nicole’s heart do little jumps in her chest. The thumping near her left breast continues down to between her legs and eventually Nicole grabs Wynonna’s arms, holds her still so the kiss continues. 

She pushes gently and Wynonna falls back, neck and head bumping against the door and window. Wynonna moans quietly at the movement (makes Nicole think that maybe she has some control over Wynonna, too) and tilts her head up and away, offering her neck instead. Nicole is so much better at this now than she was back when they first kissed. She can tell, solely by the way Wynonna whimpers - high pitched, quick, so very pretty and feminine - that she’s doing something right.

“You’re such a girl sometimes.” Nicole comments, only to have Wynonna mumble something in protest but still moan like she has worked in porn. 

(Wait, crap, what if Wynonna actually did end up starring in some porn over the years?)

Nicole pulls away, just enough that she can speak. “Weird question, but - uh - you haven’t been in porn before, have you?”

“Oh, yeah. Totally. Shit went down in Miami.”

“Holy shit, what?”

Wynonna laughs, sounding a bit breathless. “I’m just fucking with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut next chapterrrrr


	21. Caught Wet Handed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the wait you guys, school is getting pretty busy but I promise I haven’t forgotten about this story

What do you do when trapped in a freezing cold car with your crush in the middle of a snow covered street?

Well, the only logical thing. Have sex. Like it’s a fucking Harry Styles fanfiction - not that Nicole ever read those, the boy might have had long hair but the whole ‘owning a penis’ thing was a huge turn off. 

Anyways, back to the part where Nicole was crawling on top of Wynonna while simultaneously freezing to death. Nicole couldn’t help but think that this was very typical of them. Taking a normal scenario and then twisting it into the type of story they would both later get drunk and tell their friends about. 

Nicole’s lips are finding the cold skin right at the edge of Wynonna’s collar - probably leaving marks, definitely not caring - when she feels two hands on her body, one on each shoulder, pushing upwards. She sits up on her knees and watches Wynonna. Her first thought is that Wynonna is going to say something about how maybe they should wait, that they should kick at the doors and try to find some type of warmer shelter. Or maybe just not fuck at this particular moment.

(Later, though. Obviously again later.)

Instead, Wynonna grabs the bottom of her shirt and pulls it off. She nearly hits Nicole in the face with her elbow but Nicole really doesn’t mind - her brain is on other thoughts, like the sudden sight of the curve of Wynonna’s breast in that bra. It’s almost comical how quick the switch in Nicole’s mind flips, going from very horny and slightly worried to full blown desperate in seconds.

Her eyes trace along Wynonna’s body quickly. She’s seen it many times before, but rarely ever been able to reach out and touch it if she wanted to. The blood in Nicole’s hands practically burns with the urge to feel her, and it takes all of her willpower to not grab everything in front of her, like a starving kid in a candy store. 

“Oh.” Wynonna says simply, an amused smile coming across her face. “That explains things.”

Naturally, Nicole is confused. “Explains what?” 

“That look on your face. You used to get it all the time when we were younger - usually when I was practicing the drums. I always thought you were nervous or something, but you were just… horny.”

Nicole feels her face burn. She had thought that she was being a bit more subtle than that, but apparently not. Also, what did she look like when she was horny? It wasn’t like every time she got aroused she would race to the mirror to check. Maybe now she should. 

“You tortured me with that drum set.” Nicole admits eventually, to which Wynonna laughs quietly. 

“Sorry.” She replies, but doesn’t sound sincere at all. “Let me make it up to you.” 

Under any other circumstance, Nicole would point out how much that sounds like a line from some cheesy movie or an even worse porno. Instead she watches her remove her bra and then lets Wynonna hold her hips to pull her down once again, so they’re pressed together on the seat. They go back to kissing. Nicole shifts her head a little and moans at the warmth that comes with Wynonna dragging her hands up Nicole’s sides. 

Wynonna slides her palms up further until she grabs one of Nicole’s hands. Nicole has to carefully balance herself on only one arm, but she lets Wynonna lead her other hand wherever she wants it. Almost like she’s showing her how, Wynonna presses Nicole’s palm against the side of her breast - and Nicole loves it, obviously. She moves her thumb along Wynonna’s nipple and gently pinches the bud.

The noises Wynonna makes are her favorite part. From high pitched and loud to low and breathy. It’s like Wynonna can’t control what comes out of her mouth at all, which leaves Nicole as the one with all of the power over the situation. Then again, it is Nicole - and by that law, Nicole has about a million anxious thoughts as she slides her hand down, past Wynonna’s stomach and into her pants. 

Of course, Wynonna breaks those thoughts with a joke. “You know if you have a daddy kink you have to tell me beforehand.” 

Nicole rolls her eyes, finds that kissing Wynonna is a little sweeter when she’s comfortable and laughing lightly. She takes her time in teasing Wynonna, dragging her fingers along the damp fabric of her underwear nd nipping at her skin here and there. 

“You would know if I had a daddy kink.” She replies and it takes Wynonna a second to let her moan shred into laughter. 

Her hand raises a bit, just so it can slip into Wynonna’s panties. That is the first time it really clicks for Nicole. Wynonna must feel this too - the push and pull between them, the desperate want that’s been going on for years - because she’s so wet that it makes Nicole inhale suddenly and sharply. 

“Fuck- Nicole.” Wynonna gasps, sounding as if she’s starring in every sex dream Nicole has ever had. She grabs Nicole’s arm for stability and squeezes tight, grounding the both of them. In turn, Nicole curls her fingers like she’s trying to get as much of Wynonna on her fingers as she can. 

And she is. Jesus - she’ll take as much of Wynonna as Wynonna will give. 

Every nerve in her body is kind of contradicting itself, in the best possible way. While they’re huddling together in a cold, tiny car she somehow feels completely comfortable. While she feels comfortable, her heart is also hammering like she’s on the verge of a terrible panic attack - and she blames it all on Wynonna. 

Now, the next few moments could never truly be described as some of the worst times of Nicole’s young life. She was inside of Wynonna for all of them, so they can’t really be all that bad. Though, to be clear the next moments were pretty fucking bad for one reason neither one of them would have expected: Waverly Earp. 

Three things happened in a matter of seconds. 

One, the snow that was previously lying thick against the window shifts and scatters, tumbling down off the car door. It gives a perfect view of the car, everyone in it, and what everyone is doing inside of it. Two, Waverly appeared on the other side of the window. The dim light of the world (both Wynonna and Nicole had forgotten there was a world around them) popped out behind Waverly and shined through the window, making the youngest Earp look as if she was some kind of shocked angel. 

Three, Nicole glanced out the window at the same time Wynonna squinted from the new light being let in. They both panicked, scrambling like drunken chickens away from each other. Wynonna yelped, sounding very much like a teenage girl when she did, and Nicole hit her head hard against the top of the car. It was madness. Eventually Waverly walked away from the window with her hand over her eyes, the only proof that she had been there being the moved snow. 

Wynonna and Nicole stare at each other, breathing heavily and oddly in sync. Nicole could barely collect her thoughts or stop the rapid beating of her heart, not to mention the painful throb against her skull from hitting her head. She opened her mouth (actually, it had been open this entire time but now she parted her lips further and licked them to combat the dryness) to speak, but nothing came out. 

Words probably should have been exchanged. A plan probably should have been made. Instead, Wynonna took one glance at her, grabbed the discarded clothes, and then opened the door, crawling out without another word. Nicole looks between the car seat and the open door - because what the fuck? Eventually, she follows Wynonna out.

Nicole pays attention to everything surrounding her, because she’d rather find out the answers to her questions silently than by having to break tension and asking. She notes that Waverly has a large shovel, which explains the snow movement. There is also the car Waverly is leaning against. It looks much more well equipped for this type of weather. 

How Waverly found them and how she knew they were trapped somewhere is unknown, and Nicole is feeling way too awkward to ask. However it happened, Waverly is there. She is also starting that pissed off, silent treatment thing that Nicole absolutely loathes - her mind runs wild in the quiet.

Waverly looks at them both, her expression unreadable. Her eyes trail over Wynonna first, noting how red her usually pale cheeks are and how she gravitates towards Nicole more now, their elbows bumping casually. As if by going by order of her anger, Waverly goes to Nicole second. Nicole’s face is also pink and guilty, her gaze never meeting Waverly’s. Nicole squirms, feeling immediately uncomfortable. 

She can feel the tips of her fingers becoming suddenly colder when the wind blows, reminding her that her palm is still damp from touching Wynonna. It’s guilt inducing and also embarrassingly arousing.

Finally, Waverly sighs lowly and presses a button to unlock the doors. Wynonna flinches at the loud sound of the beeping and Waverly stares her down. “I see why you smoke now.” 

Both Wynonna and Nicole share a glance while Waverly turns her back and walks wordlessly into the car. Nicole gets it too because at the moment she would kill for a cigarette, at least breathing in all that smoke would help kill her faster. The only problem is the scent would circle her and quickly remind her of Wynonna. 

She isn’t sure if she wants to think of Wynonna. She’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to think of anything right now. All Nicole wants is to step into a time traveling machine, set it so she can go back a few years, and sit in a movie theater all summer with no knowledge that love would ever become this complicated. That’s the word for all this: complicated. Nicole feels stretched thin, pulled every which way so she’s too fragile to deal with anything going on. 

Wynonna goes first, slowly walking forwards towards the car. She kicks at snow and Nicole watches, not thinking to ask what they’re going to do with Wynonna’s car. Nicole walks faster and settles into the backseat - emotional or not, there’s a funeral to go to and other people to see. Of course, Wynonna tries to join her, but Waverly leans back and holds out her hand to block her sister from sitting with Nicole.

“Nope. Passenger seat.” Waverly orders and Wynonna rolls her eyes, but obeys. “Also, lock your car doors, dumbass.” 

The eye roll comes again but Wynonna listens and she locks the car up before sliding into the seat in front of Nicole. In a minute or two, the place they were trapped for possibly hours turns into a distant point in the rear view mirror.

Nicole can’t tell what time it is and honestly, she doesn’t really want to know. If she were to glance at the car’s clock then her mind would just start adding up the hours and minutes, finding out when they left and right when she betrayed her (recently dead) wife. She can’t stop herself from looking out the window, though. When they left it was dark outside. It’s still dark out now, but it’s the type of dim where she can tell the sun is on the edge of the horizon, just waiting to rise.

—

The drive back is awkward. Not many words are exchanged except for the occasional request to turn up the volume on the radio or someone shivering, wondering if the heat can be cranked any further. Nicole spends the whole time trying to figure out if Waverly is angry, confused, happy for them or a mix of all three. While sitting in that passenger seat, Wynonna looked as if the world could never affect her. She kept a straight face for most of the ride and exited silently. 

Nicole wanted to speak the entire time. Her body practically ached with the need to, but she had used up all of her courage and the minutes stretched into hours until Nicole felt that it was too late for words. She figured she would need to have two separate conversations with both of the girls anyways. So they all stepped out of the car quietly, Nicole walking away when Waverly began going over how they were going to get Wynonna’s vehicle back. 

She returns to an empty apartment. There is no protocol for what she’s supposed to do yet, considering she has never planned a funeral before. So, Nicole comes home that day and falls face first onto the couch. Her arms stretch down the edge and her palms lay flat against the floor. She turns on the television, finds some Marvel movie, and drifts to sleep within the hour.

The next few days are even more awkward, with Monica’s friends and relatives floating in and out of Nicole’s home. Thankfully, Monica’s parents offer to set up all of the funeral arrangements - all she needs to do is look through the will and show up with a heartfelt speech. It’s small things, but it makes Nicole feel exhausted at the mere thought of doing any of them. It would be selfish of her to make this the Nicole Show, so she says nothing. 

Who would she speak to anyways? Wynonna falls off the face of the earth once again and Waverly’s appearances are short. Mostly, it’s her dad and Monica’s relatives who come to visit. None of them are very fun or comforting to talk to. 

What would she say if anyone were to ask her how she was feeling? Not in the way where people ask to be kind and don’t expect anything more than the usual grief filled response, but in the way where someone actually wants to know what’s happening in Nicole’s brain. 

Nicole decides that she can’t figure out any of her emotions because there are too much of them. Where there is arousal from her memories in the car, there is also guilt. Where there is curiosity and amazement for how Waverly came to save them, there is also fear at Waverly’s response to this all. If it had happened at a different time, she’s sure Waverly would have been happy for them, but this isn’t a different time.

It’s now. And it feels as if there’s nothing Nicole can do about any of it.

So she smiles at relatives and she is extremely sympathetic to Monica’s parents. She has a long call with Jeremy about it, in which no real progress is made. Her search history fills with questions about death and nearby therapists. Nicole does not cry once before the funeral, not in front of anyone or alone.

Most of all, she avoids Wynonna. The smart choice would probably to say anything to Wynonna, anything to let her know that she’s okay with what they did. Nicole is not smart. Nicole sits and waits for the words she’ll say to her whenever they meet to come, but nothing does. Instead, Nicole writes a speech for the funeral and makes sure to add both Waverly and Wynonna to the invitation list.

Maybe waiting is the best thing for now. Maybe that’s all Nicole can really do.

—

It’s around two in the afternoon on the day of the funeral when Nicole realizes that she’s already forgetting Monica. Of course, Nicole still knows a ton of stuff about Monica, but as she sits there - knees pulled to her chest, black dress tight on her body, fresh dirt from her fiancé’s frag at her toes - she forgets what Monica smells like. Not what that fancy perfume she used to wear smells like (because Nicole still has it in her home, can spray it into the air if she’s feeling nostalgic), but what she used to smell like when they would hug or sit too close together.

The weird part is, this is what breaks Nicole. Not the phone call that came during the ski trip or the nearly deadly car ride home. She couldn’t even shed a tear at the funeral. It’s the disconnect from this part of her she suddenly feels. She thinks about how angry Monica would be if she knew what happened in the car, then chokes on a sob when she can’t imagine the irritated wrinkle in Monica’s nose. 

Did she prefer sleeping on the left or right side? When dogs passed on the sidewalk, was she brave enough to pet them without fear of being bitten? What was her favorite movie? 

(Wynonna prefers the left because she says it’s lucky, but provides no explanation as to why. Dogs seem to gravitate towards Wynonna and usually Wynonna lets them, but complains a bit how the fur gets caught on her leather - of course, Nicole picks it off for her. And for the last question, it’s the LEGO Movie. Unironically.)

A moment passed where Nicole realizes she’s crying and won’t stop anytime soon. Her nose is so stuffed it is getting hard to breathe and the tears are right there on the edges of her eyelids. Her cheeks are pink and wet so when the chilled breeze runs over her, the damp spots go cold. Everything is cold.

She feels the jacket draped over her shoulders before she hears the crunch of grass behind her. Nicole assumes it’s Wynonna, having come to comfort her. The shadow doesn’t look just right though, it’s smaller than it should be. The jacket isn’t leather either, it is soft and fuzzy and very pink. 

“Isn’t it rude to wear pink at a funeral?” Nicole asks.

Waverly sighs and joins her on the ground. “I got it from the car. You looked cold.”

So they sit in silence for a full minute until Waverly gets bored picking at the grass and breaks that silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this fic is coming to an end very soon, I will be starting a new long Wynaught fic once this one ends. Hope y’all will check it out when I post it and also read the upcoming (and possibly last) chapter of this fic.
> 
> I love u all :)


	22. Give Me Love

“Wynonna is calming down some relative in the church, if you wanted to know.” Waverly glances around the property when she gets no response from Nicole. “Which you did. You don’t have to feel guilty about wanting to be with her, Nicole.”

It’s something she needed to hear, but it is also wrong. Of course she has to feel guilty about wanting Wynonna. Wynonna is Wynonna, she comes marked with a stamp that says ‘keep away’ on her forehead, yet Nicole never stayed away. Not when she was dating someone else, not when she got a ring put on her finger, not even when she sat in that police station and saw the danger written all across Wynonna’s skin - Wynonna had been wearing handcuffs, for godsake. 

How stupid could Nicole be? How much more guilty could she feel? The answer to both of those questions is: very.

‘Cause even now, on her fiance’s literal grave, her body awakens at the thought of seeing Wynonna again. Her mind tucks away the information about where Wynonna is for later, knowing it is almost inevitable that she will go looking for her at some point during the day. It’s a dumb thing to do but Nicole does it anyways, never really could help herself.

Waverly seems to sense this, or at least sense that something in Nicole is off, and she starts rubbing her small hands up and down Nicole’s arms in comfort. It helps a little. Nicole finds herself leaning into Waverly’s side, draping herself around the smaller girl.

“Thank you for this.” Nicole sniffles, tries not to get snot or tears on Waverly’s outfit. “You’re an amazing friend.”

“Of course. Anytime, Nicole.”

They sit like that for awhile, despite the fact that it makes their dresses dirty and their knees ache. By the time they think they’ve been there for too long, they are both shivering a bit from the breeze and their general lack of protection from it. It’s uncomfortable and it sucks but it is a funeral, so she supposes that’s how she is supposed to feel.

What is she supposed to do after this? It’s one of those things where Nicole knows she will have to take it all one step at a time. First step, standing up and leaving. Second step, taking a long shower to wash the dirt off her knees and clean the thin layer of dried tears from her face. Third step, getting over all this.

Somewhere during all of those steps, Nicole has to have a talk with Wynonna. She’s not sure what that will be about - she’s not even sure how or when she’ll start the conversation. She knows what she wants, though. A date and then a relationship. Something simple, where they see a movie and get ice cream together. Where no one dies until it’s of old age or on a screen.

Nicole also knows she can’t have any of that, at least not right now. It would be disrespectful and very bad timing. She can’t just hop into a relationship with Wynonna right after the funeral. No matter how much she may want it, that is clearly the wrong thing to do. Besides, Nicole is kind of tired of constantly feeling like a bad person. 

“Someone wants you.” Waverly says. When Nicole looks up, she sees Wynonna making the sort of long trek from the church to where they are sitting and absolutely panics. Taking the smart way out, Waverly slowly stands. “Uh, I’m gonna duck out. I can sense some upcoming drama so…I’ll be in the car, okay?”

“Okay.”

Waverly may or may not have to practically peel Nicole off of her. When she thought about having this conversation, she imagined it at least a little later. A big part of her wants to use the dead fiancé card and beg Waverly to stay, but that’s shallow and goes against Nicole’s new good person philosophy. So, she watches Waverly leave and take the last of Nicole’s sanity with her. 

There is a short, awkward moment that Wynonna and Nicole share where they are both aware that they are going to meet at some point, they just have to wait to do so. Wynonna keeps on going with her moderately quick pace towards Nicole, and Nicole stays resting on her knees near the grave. 

They make eye contact more than once or twice, because Nicole keeps glancing up to check on Wynonna’s progress towards her. The whole time, Wynonna doesn’t move her eyes as she walks towards Nicole. At some point Nicole decides that if she wants she can literally run away from her problems, at least for a moment.

So Nicole turns and then stands, ignoring Wynonna’s little confused look when she sees the action - ignoring how insanely cute that look is to her - and starts walking in the other direction. There’s a pause where she can hear just one pair of feet moving across the damp grass and then Wynonna’s join hers, but she can tell that it is only a matter of time before Wynonna catches up to her.

Wynonna is moving faster than her. Nicole guesses that by the muffled rustling of clothing behind her, the rapid stomp of feet against the ground, and Wynonna’s slight heavy breathing. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to Wynonna, it’s that she doesn’t want to right now. This whole running away for a bit ensures at least a minute of some more time to collect her thoughts, but a minute is not a whole lot of time.

“Nicole?” Wynonna asks, finally catching up with her. Her breathing is a little labored, her black dress shoes (which are probably very uncomfortable to run in) clutched in her hands instead of on her feet. “Are you okay? Do you think we could talk?”

“No I’m not, but yes we can talk.” Nicole keeps on walking and Wynonna frowns at the fact that they aren’t stopping, but she keeps up anyways.

She wants to go sit in the car and talk, but maybe cars are not the best place for them to be alone together right now. Besides, Waverly is probably waiting in the car and trying to avoid overhearing any of this upcoming, private conversation. Nicole eventually settles on a stone bench near the road where all the black cars are parked and sighs, looking out at where more graves stretch on for miles. 

“How are you feeling?” Wynonna asks quietly. Their shoulders brush but they are both too awkward to offer any kind of physical comfort. 

“Shitty, but that’s to be expected.” 

And the air is weird. Or this is weird. Nicole feels like she is on a bad high or being forced to pack up for a fun trip early, like life is cutting her off. Which is rude to say because Monica’s life has literally been cut off. So she says nothing for awhile and somehow that is worse.

The silence makes her antsy and eventually Nicole breaks. “I don’t think we should anything for awhile.”

“Oh.” Wynonna looks a little put down at this response, understandably. “Yeah, I was gonna say… uh, yeah.”

Nicole turns to her once she hears the sadness in Wynonna’s words. She faces her, lifting her leg up on the bench to feel more comfortable but also so her knee bumps against Wynonna’s thigh. The first thing Nicole thinks when she sees Wynonna is that it isn’t fair. She is trying to have a mature conversation here and Wynonna looks fucking amazing.

Her hair is down in the same flawless, dark waves they always are, and her black dress pairs well with it. As usual, Wynonna’s face is pale but today it looks less sickly and more like porcelain. All of it is striking. Nicole feels almost like she had her memory wiped and she’s seeing Wynonna again for the first time, because making eye contact with her up close definitely throws Nicole for a loop.

“I just mean, because of Monica we shouldn’t do anything. To show respect, you know?” Nicole asks and Wynonna nods. “But later… definitely later. We could see a movie or something.”

Wynonna laughs at that and Nicole raises her eyebrows, tilting her head in curiosity. Her laughter dies down pretty quickly, realizing they are still at a funeral. “Sorry. It’s just, seeing a movie sounds so normal for us.”

“Well I want something normal with you.”

“Is this a John Green novel?” Wynonna nudges her playfully with her leg. They go back and forth then, poking each other with a thigh or knee for a solid minute. It’s nice. It makes Nicole feel young, even though she doesn’t have the luxury of calling herself a child anymore.

For at least a moment (a very small moment that lasts - maybe - two minutes) Nicole feels good. Safe. Like all she has to do is find Wynonna standing out in the world and things will be okay.

-

Five months later, Nicole is standing inside a movie theater with Wynonna. They have bags of popcorn piled high in their hands, the jumbo kind that make butter seep through the bottoms and get your hands greasy. Nicole’s pocket is stuffed with a box of candy that barely fits in it, but Wynonna claims she can’t get through the movie without some type of sweet snack.

Speaking of the movie, Nicole doesn’t know what it is. Wynonna had suggested they go a couple days ago and Nicole had agreed, because it was Wynonna and movies promised food to go with it. She guesses that whatever it is, the movie must be highly anticipated, because there was a line to get into the theater and now the place is packed.

They are standing at the bottom of the stairs, scanning the room for empty seats along with a small crowd of other people. People are racing to steal what seats they can and some are reluctantly moving to the front seats, already preparing themselves to have to crane their necks the entire movie.

It takes a bit, but eventually Wynonna grabs Nicole’s hand (and Nicole has no idea how she has a spare hand to give with all of the food they are carrying) and starts pulling her towards the seats she found. They end up coming to a single seat and while Nicole isn’t sure what they are doing, Wynonna sits down immediately.

She sets her snacks on the floor, then reaches out and gently tugs Nicole down onto her lap. Wynonna starts casually eating popcorn but Nicole flushes a little. It will probably take Nicole awhile to get used to them showing affection and having it be blatantly romantic. 

“Hey babe?” Wynonna asks, her fingers tickling the exposed skin near Nicole’s waist. “Can I have the candy?”

“Of course, babe.” Nicole adds that last word in a teasing manner and when she turns around, Wynonna is beaming at her. She fishes the candy out of her pocket and hands it to her girlfriend, watching Wynonna eat half of of it within about a minute.

The trailers start playing and they sit in relative silence. Eventually Nicole caves and gets a handful of candy herself, but that’s fine because Wynonna takes the most buttery pieces of popcorn from Nicole’s bag. They fit together so obviously well, with Nicole leaning back into Wynonna’s front and Wynonna pushing forward a little to hug her from behind.

Things might have gone wrong months ago and shit might be loaded up right now, ready to hit the fan, but not right now. Right now, Nicole is wrapped up in Wynonna - her girlfriend, which sounds so weird and amazing to say - and she’s living her childhood dream. It’s almost exactly what Nicole had wished for years ago, when they first went to the movies together.

“I love you.” Nicole says randomly. She’s been doing that a lot lately and so Wynonna just smiles, cranes her neck to peck Nicole on the cheek.

“I love you too, Haught.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the end folks! It’s been a long journey writing this story, but I hoped you enjoyed reading it.


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